Post by solodriver on Jan 21, 2019 20:42:53 GMT -5
I actually got more out of seeing the entire TED talk. Thanks again choosinghappy. I think I can see how you applied this to your SM. Maybe you could share how you applied the "What If...?" to your SM when you have some time so others can figure out how to apply it specifically to their SMs and the changes they will fear to make that they need to make in order to be happier.
Like he said and others have said, it won't be necessarily be easy to go through, but looking at yourself and others, that walk will be well worth it in order to have a better, healthier, happier life than the one we are currently experiencing in our SMs.
I didn't realize I was doing a form of this exercise as I am using my "T-Minus" (My Status) thread. That's exactly how NASA prepared for each manned space flight. They created every possible "What If" scenario that could happen and then the astronauts trained on those scenarios and created possible solutions that could be used in case it happened. Then when things did go wrong they were ready to deal with them.
And sometimes, things can happen that we are totally unprepared for.
And there is the value of this group. People sharing ideas that people in those situations can try until they find success and not just throw their hands up and say "I can't do this." If you look at the members of this board as a "Mission Control Team" who can support each of us as we go through this SM experience. But, ultimately, it is up to us to make the decisions we need to make to make our lives better or continue to live in SMs that will continue to damage us in so many ways and never feel the happiness we so desperately seek.
I think a good movie to watch to understand what I'm saying is "Apollo 13", or more recently the movie about Apollo 11.
It’s hard to continue to love someone romantically who doesn’t love you back in the way you need to feel like a whole person.
Post by choosinghappy on Jan 21, 2019 21:22:30 GMT -5
solodriver Oh no, I didn’t actually apply it to my SM as I just came across it today (and haven’t had a chance to actually watch the whole talk yet), I just thought it could be helpful for someone.
I know for me, in the past if I have had certain fears about things I will sometimes sit down and list out every potential thing I can think of that could be an issue if I do x/y/z. I write down every fear associated with taking that action/making that change, no matter how small or stupid they may seem, and then I read my list and think about how I would handle each of those things. It breaks the overarching fear down into what ends up often being very manageable steps combined with mostly unfounded fears. Scary as a whole but when I examine closer, not so scary or impossible. (Sort of like leaving a marriage...)
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: Even her little 5 or 6 year old was questioning her purchase!
Mar 14, 2020 6:25:44 GMT -5
petrushka: One of my favourite quotes for the last 30 years: "don't ever look a sheep in the eyes, the intellectual vacuum may suck your brains out". Well, let's all drink to the sheeple! (besides, alcohol is a good disinfectant).
Mar 14, 2020 6:31:26 GMT -5
frednsa: so...............i'd like to tell her when she "attempts to placate me": have you ever been invited to a party where you knew for certain that you WEREN'T wanted ?
Mar 19, 2020 15:57:05 GMT -5
worksforme2: Former Miss Hawaii tests positive. Being the gallant lad that I am I have offered her the use of my guest bedroom to "shelter in place"..
Mar 23, 2020 20:34:21 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey tamara68, there is a covid19 positive cat in Belgium, watch out for it.
Mar 30, 2020 14:05:56 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme I think I have to be more careful for all infected people. Most likely I already have Covid19
Apr 1, 2020 3:29:42 GMT -5
worksforme2: tamara68.....it's been a couple weeks since you posted you may have the covid19 virus. hopefully you are feeling better and are on your way to renewed health
Apr 11, 2020 5:31:38 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme thanks, yes I am feeling better. How is it in the USA?
Apr 14, 2020 1:57:26 GMT -5
worksforme2: some better and some worse,..virus seems to be slowing down, but people are beginning to refuse to stay inside,...worst thing I see is Biden leading in the election poles,...but that could be fake news
Apr 20, 2020 16:56:22 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Politics? Is that what we want to happen here?
Apr 21, 2020 6:21:24 GMT -5
petrushka: Certainly not American style politics. Toxic echo chambers.
Apr 23, 2020 16:21:52 GMT -5
petrushka: However, I feel that sexual politics, including political moves that impact the relationships between gender (misogynist, misandrist, etc) definitely deserve room in this context.
Apr 23, 2020 16:22:59 GMT -5
fred: just calculated that i've spent somewhere near 19,000 days (& nights) as a "rejectee".AND that allows for 2,000+ days (& nights) on business travel apart from her. i've chosen to "stay" .....would never do that again, and can't as you see doing the math
May 15, 2020 18:01:15 GMT -5
worksforme2: 19000 days and nights,....damn dude, that's 52 yrs.
Jun 17, 2020 9:19:10 GMT -5
fred: you're a little short works - was thinking this AM, there has NEVER been a day when she indicated desire for me physically (other than for heavy lifting or finance)........LOL...........earlier, i had enough libido for both of us, now i'm left with guilt
Jun 20, 2020 13:11:12 GMT -5
fred: over imposing myself on her rather than simply leaving .....DAMN LOVE ANYWAY !
Jun 20, 2020 13:12:12 GMT -5
mesulina: update everyone, still has not happened. I have now come to accept that I will live with out. It is just different now.
Jun 29, 2020 19:32:31 GMT -5
worksforme2: Sorry mesulina,... but on the positive side you did stock up on toys a short time back,..now might be the time to go for the gusto
Jun 30, 2020 17:42:54 GMT -5
grower: Embrace a change, you will wonder why you waited so long
Jul 9, 2020 11:22:56 GMT -5
grower: Your life clock is ticking away, don't waste all your time. Live some.
Jul 24, 2020 9:53:20 GMT -5