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Post by choosinghappy on Jan 21, 2019 18:29:04 GMT -5
An interesting excerpt from a TED Talk titled: “Why You Should Define Your Fears Instead of Your Goals”. I thought it might be particularly helpful to those who are weighing whether to stay or go. [a href=" /"] /[/a] (That link is through Facebook so if it doesn’t work, here is the link to the full talk: t.ted.com/mpUMBXC ) |
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Post by solodriver on Jan 21, 2019 20:42:53 GMT -5
I actually got more out of seeing the entire TED talk. Thanks again choosinghappy. I think I can see how you applied this to your SM. Maybe you could share how you applied the "What If...?" to your SM when you have some time so others can figure out how to apply it specifically to their SMs and the changes they will fear to make that they need to make in order to be happier.
Like he said and others have said, it won't be necessarily be easy to go through, but looking at yourself and others, that walk will be well worth it in order to have a better, healthier, happier life than the one we are currently experiencing in our SMs.
I didn't realize I was doing a form of this exercise as I am using my "T-Minus" (My Status) thread. That's exactly how NASA prepared for each manned space flight. They created every possible "What If" scenario that could happen and then the astronauts trained on those scenarios and created possible solutions that could be used in case it happened. Then when things did go wrong they were ready to deal with them.
And sometimes, things can happen that we are totally unprepared for.
And there is the value of this group. People sharing ideas that people in those situations can try until they find success and not just throw their hands up and say "I can't do this." If you look at the members of this board as a "Mission Control Team" who can support each of us as we go through this SM experience. But, ultimately, it is up to us to make the decisions we need to make to make our lives better or continue to live in SMs that will continue to damage us in so many ways and never feel the happiness we so desperately seek.
I think a good movie to watch to understand what I'm saying is "Apollo 13", or more recently the movie about Apollo 11.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jan 21, 2019 21:22:30 GMT -5
solodriverOh no, I didn’t actually apply it to my SM as I just came across it today (and haven’t had a chance to actually watch the whole talk yet), I just thought it could be helpful for someone. I know for me, in the past if I have had certain fears about things I will sometimes sit down and list out every potential thing I can think of that could be an issue if I do x/y/z. I write down every fear associated with taking that action/making that change, no matter how small or stupid they may seem, and then I read my list and think about how I would handle each of those things. It breaks the overarching fear down into what ends up often being very manageable steps combined with mostly unfounded fears. Scary as a whole but when I examine closer, not so scary or impossible. (Sort of like leaving a marriage...)
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Post by sadkat on Jan 21, 2019 21:39:20 GMT -5
I read something similar in a stress management book a few days ago. I do have some very real fears about leaving my marriage. I’m going to try this to see how it works for me. Thanks for sharing!
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Post by shamwow on Jan 30, 2019 13:11:39 GMT -5
Tim Ferris is my hero. His first discussion on this topic that I saw was in his book The Four Hour Workweek. It inspired me to start my own business and eventually put me on the road to leaving my marriage. ballofconfusion and I are looking to follow his advice in a few years, quit our jobs, and travel the world (once both our kids are out of high school). Follow your dreams, dammit. Ask yourself, what is the worst that can happen. It ain't so bad and can usually be recovered from quicker than you think. |
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