How cancer affects different people

I think you are showing an unfortunate lack of empathy. He is still suffering even though he chose to smoke. Are you just as judgmental toward people who get ill because they got cancer from baking themselves in the sun or got heart disease or cancer due to drinking alcohol, not exercising or eating unhealthfully?

Also, no matter what we do, we are going to die. Who is deserving of your sympathy as they suffer from a terminal illness?

My take on smoking is people have a choice and DON'T Have a choice because smoking delivers very addictive chemicals to the body.

I had a neighbor that was a registered nurse and she developed mouth cancer. She had some surgery, quit smoking for 6 months, then went back to smoking. Of course she died within the year even knowing smoking was the cause of her cancer.

The Dutch knew which type of tobacco was the most addictive back I think in the 1600 and grew that type in the Americas and imported into Europe.  The more addictive tobaco produced more revenue.  Well now, "more revenue" is an odd concept?  "Not" as in the charachter's in Wayne’s World  would add.

I watched the congressional hearings back in the 50's or early 60's where the tobacco company executives all lied about how tobacco was just a habit and not addictive or harmful even after there were decades of evidence that said tobacco usage caused several fatal diseases.

It took several more years for tobacco companies to put health warning labels on tobacco packages and several decades to ban smoking indoors in the USA.

So what did big tobacco do, they got people in other countries to smoke more and now we have E-Tobacco.

No tobacco executive is in jail, tobacco growers still might get government subsidies. To me it is criminal to produce lethal products.

Asbestos, is another situation that upsets me. I worked where asbestos was common and often asbestos particles were in the air. The asbestos companies knew over 100 years ago asbestos usually lead to lung cancer but paid people to hide that downside of the product. Yea, big money can corrupt the situation and if some people die, that is less important than company profits.

I was on the dead bedrooms reddit. Someone replied to someone suffering in an SM "you chose to stay, you deserve it."

We all make choices and all choices have consequences. How much empathy you have generally depends on how you feel about the person.

I had a patient that was 450+ pounds, diabetic, high blood pressure, etc. He took crap care of himself and continually did not take his insulin (this was in prison so I know exactly when he took his insulin) and ate junk. He also never took his medication and would give me a "yeah, yeah" whenever I tried to educate him. Well of course he stumbled and injured his toe which could not heal bc of his diabetes. Suddenly he cared! He begged me to "save" his toe and help him. I did all I could but it was hard to not feel angry at being made to take care of someone who did not care for himself. If I were his family I would have been really angry with him.

Check in with yourself, h and figure out the best use of your energy and empathy. And figure out how to vent your anger and resentment if it is getting in your way. It is toxic for you and will not help anyone else either!

A doctor wrote this after a longtime patient was diagnosed with lung cancer:”The news shook me. Ms. X hugged us at the end of every visit. She had worked for decades as a seamstress and hoped to retire soon. A resident overheard my conversation. “Did your patient smoke?” she asked. “No,” I said. The trainee sighed and shook her head. “When a person who doesn’t smoke gets lung cancer — that’s just unacceptable.”

I was stunned by the implication — that a cancer diagnosis in a patient who used tobacco was acceptable. It is a tragedy when any patient develops lung cancer. They will undergo surgeries, toxic infusions and lonely nights in the hospital. Many will face crushing financial pressures and be forced to confront their mortality in unimaginable ways. Why would we mute our sympathy at this moment?”

www.washingtonpost.com/amphtml/outlook/what-happens-when-the-doctor-blames-you-for-your-own-cancer/2019/01/11/2791611e-14ff-11e9-90a8-136fa44b80ba_story.html

Coming to this late h, but I think they are normal thoughts to have. A colleague of mine who I considered to be a friend went through an illness and died largely through his own doing. He got prostate cancer (which is very treatable), and underwent treatment. The cancer was gone but his liver killed him due to his drinking problem. It was a very tough way to go, he was hardly recognizable. I was very sad and sometimes still am about it. But I was mad that really, he did it to himself and it was all very preventable. These aren't things you say to someone in that situation of course. He knew full well he brought it on himself. Be supportive. It's all you can do. It certainly is instructional though, I still think about it if I'm tempted to drink to excess on occasion, and it's influenced my behavior.

Do you know for certain that his lung cancer was caused by smoking? While smoking is a significant risk factor for lung cancer, it is NOT the only cause of such cancer. If you are not 100% certain what caused his lung cancer, perhaps you should give him the benefit of the doubt.

It's very problematic at times to address our own feelings when it comes to a situation like this. Most of us probably know someone or have relatives who face health issues in whole or part because of something they did or continue to do. My oldest son uses snuff. Recently he spent a couple weeks in a great deal of pain because 6 of his molars were decayed to the point they abscessed. It was caused to some degree by his use of tobacco products and simply poor hygiene in regards to his teeth. After they were pulled and the pain went away he went right back top the snuff, knowing additional bad consequences are likely. I will undoubtedly feel sympathy for him when this poor decision results in more pain and possibly really serious consequences such as cancer in his mouth or facial bones. People who do this sort of thing to themselves (excessive alcohol, tobacco use, illegal drugs) usually know and understand what's probably coming down the pike for them, but they make a conscience choice to abuse themselves or these products, and it seems that often there is nothing that can be done about it. And sometimes it's hard to be really empathetic knowing a different choice would have made for a different result.