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Post by ggold on May 5, 2016 14:35:03 GMT -5
At first it was direct refusal, but over time it became indirect refusal--or deflection: I would ask, she would give me excuses or non-answers until the window of opportunity was closed. Then she would say she wanted to reschedule for later. (This gave her "plausible denyability" because she could claim "I never said no") But, later never came. Then I would ask again a few days later, and the process would repeat. Eventually, I just stopped asking her for sex because when that happens repeatedly, and you realize that your request has a very,very small chance of yielding any sort of success, your incentive to keep asking goes away. And with it, your sexual desire for your spouse. And now here is the "magic" part: because I stopped asking her for sex, she has labeled ME as the refuser. Unreal!! You got me thinking back in time to what it was like for me. Hmm..it's been so long. I can remember that I'd mention about being in the mood, and by the time the evening came he'd be passed out on the couch. I'd try waking him to no avail. So, I'd go to bed alone. Eventually, I stopped initiating. He would barely initiate. Maybe in the beginning of our relationship? IDK. Now, totally sexless, no intimacy, nothing. We just coexist and that would be fine with him for the next 20+ years. I will never forget one time, years ago, I was vacuuming and he was on the couch. I stopped my chore and tried to make a move. He told me to finish vacuuming. So, I did and left him on the couch. He has a better relationship with the damn couch than he does with me! |
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Post by deleted on May 5, 2016 18:21:20 GMT -5
Unreal!! You got me thinking back in time to what it was like for me. Hmm..it's been so long. I can remember that I'd mention about being in the mood, and by the time the evening came he'd be passed out on the couch. I'd try waking him to no avail. So, I'd go to bed alone. Eventually, I stopped initiating. He would barely initiate. Maybe in the beginning of our relationship? IDK. Now, totally sexless, no intimacy, nothing. We just coexist and that would be fine with him for the next 20+ years. I will never forget one time, years ago, I was vacuuming and he was on the couch. I stopped my chore and tried to make a move. He told me to finish vacuuming. So, I did and left him on the couch. He has a better relationship with the damn couch than he does with me! This is pretty much how my situation started and currently exists. The couch must be pretty comfortable. I'm thinking of replacing it with a hide a bed. |
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Post by angryspartan on May 6, 2016 9:43:18 GMT -5
At first it was direct refusal, but over time it became indirect refusal--or deflection: I would ask, she would give me excuses or non-answers until the window of opportunity was closed. Then she would say she wanted to reschedule for later. (This gave her "plausible denyability" because she could claim "I never said no") But, later never came. Then I would ask again a few days later, and the process would repeat. Eventually, I just stopped asking her for sex because when that happens repeatedly, and you realize that your request has a very,very small chance of yielding any sort of success, your incentive to keep asking goes away. And with it, your sexual desire for your spouse. And now here is the "magic" part: because I stopped asking her for sex, she has labeled ME as the refuser. Unreal!! You got me thinking back in time to what it was like for me. Hmm..it's been so long. I can remember that I'd mention about being in the mood, and by the time the evening came he'd be passed out on the couch. I'd try waking him to no avail. So, I'd go to bed alone. Eventually, I stopped initiating. He would barely initiate. Maybe in the beginning of our relationship? IDK. Now, totally sexless, no intimacy, nothing. We just coexist and that would be fine with him for the next 20+ years. I will never forget one time, years ago, I was vacuuming and he was on the couch. I stopped my chore and tried to make a move. He told me to finish vacuuming. So, I did and left him on the couch. He has a better relationship with the damn couch than he does with me! The "hugging sofa" (yes it's a thing) must be a wet dream for him:   |
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Post by ggold on May 6, 2016 11:06:52 GMT -5
Unreal!! You got me thinking back in time to what it was like for me. Hmm..it's been so long. I can remember that I'd mention about being in the mood, and by the time the evening came he'd be passed out on the couch. I'd try waking him to no avail. So, I'd go to bed alone. Eventually, I stopped initiating. He would barely initiate. Maybe in the beginning of our relationship? IDK. Now, totally sexless, no intimacy, nothing. We just coexist and that would be fine with him for the next 20+ years. I will never forget one time, years ago, I was vacuuming and he was on the couch. I stopped my chore and tried to make a move. He told me to finish vacuuming. So, I did and left him on the couch. He has a better relationship with the damn couch than he does with me! The "hugging sofa" (yes it's a thing) must be a wet dream for him: OMG! Perfect! |
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Post by wewbwb on May 6, 2016 15:18:04 GMT -5
Well since I'm sleeping on the sofa and she gives me no physical contact at all. I may have to look into this....
In the 23 years we have been together she has NEVER initiated. Ever.
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Post by wewbwb on May 6, 2016 15:41:00 GMT -5
Now all I can think about is Leonard's "hugging machine"
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Post by ggold on May 6, 2016 16:10:11 GMT -5
Well since I'm sleeping on the sofa and she gives me no physical contact at all. I may have to look into this.... In the 23 years we have been together she has NEVER initiated. Ever. Never?? Just awful. ((Hugs)) |
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