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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2016 19:26:37 GMT -5
I suggested an open marriage as soon as the counselling failed but she would have none of it.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2016 20:05:37 GMT -5
As your experience showed you, not all who leave their SM will find intimacy or a relationship. Some do, and some don't. It's not guaranteed. Some may be worse off in many ways, and still be without intimacy, sex, love. It's a roll of the dice. Exactly.I did alright sex-wise when I was single but after 6 years of marriage when I ventured out into the singles world again it just didn't happen so I went back. That was 14 years ago. I still dream about meeting someone but as I get older the realization that I was not going to be one of the lucky ones who get to have sex throughout their lifetimes is probably something I need to accept. I had 20 years a decent sex with a lot of different women before I got married and I am thankful for that. I just wish I'd appreciated it more at the time but I thought this would go on all my life so it wasn't such a big deal then as it is now. Lots of good memories so that's something at least. Thank God we had those relationships and made those memories before we married our refusers. Men were chasing me pre-refuser days, and I had some amazingly handsome men as boyfriends. In my wildest dreams, I could not have imagined being refused by a man. I'm sorry you never found a new love when you left. There is a misconception that anyone who leaves a sexless marriage will, in time, find a new romantic and sexual relationship, but that's not the reality for some of us. |
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Post by DryCreek on Apr 10, 2016 23:55:46 GMT -5
Thank God we had those relationships and made those memories before we married our refusers. And how! I have a thin thread of memories that I cling to dearly from three decades ago. I greatly regret many opportunities I chickened out on back then. And I am oh so thankful for the completely stupid things I did do, which can only be explained by hormone-induced insanity. |
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Post by unmatched on Apr 11, 2016 2:10:33 GMT -5
Being sexually lonely, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, is very difficult to cope with, especially if you have sought relief from the situation outside the marriage and have had no luck there either. I'd be interested to hear from other people how they cope not just with the lack of skin to skin contact with another person but also the sense of hopelessness that it may never happen, which in some ways is even harder. Do you ever get massage or physio and do you find that helps or makes things worse? Or, even better, learning to do massage or shiatsu (or even physical training or jujitsu or something) with other people helps to re-establish physical contact as a 'normal' thing in life. Plus you never know who you might meet... |
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Post by unmatched on Apr 11, 2016 2:12:47 GMT -5
Thank God we had those relationships and made those memories before we married our refusers. And how! I have a thin thread of memories that I cling to dearly from three decades ago. I greatly regret many opportunities I chickened out on back then. And I am oh so thankful for the completely stupid things I did do, which can only be explained by hormone-induced insanity. I think life could be well described as hormone-induced insanity. It is a shame that we all forgot how to live it properly. |
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Post by craigparrott on Apr 13, 2016 17:17:18 GMT -5
I actually left the marriage for a few months and it was worse. I was living like a college student in a run down 1 bedroom apartment and STILL not getting any sex despite doing everything I could think of. So in the end I thought if I am never going to have sex again I might as well live in a nice place under the same roof as my kids. But it is still hard. Keeping busy helps a bit. The worst times are at night when I get horny and depressed. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2016 20:37:30 GMT -5
True. I've always said sex should be a human right. In today's society people wouldn't stand for people starving in the streets but sexual starvation and loneliness is not considered to be a problem by most people.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Apr 27, 2016 22:47:56 GMT -5
At one point i left my marriage for 3 months and moved in with another woman. She worshipped the ground i walked on. I foolishly returned home after promises of change and it would be great for the kids. The change was short lived
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Post by LITW on Apr 28, 2016 15:27:39 GMT -5
Last night I lay in bed, alone, after a fight with my wife.
It was a silly fight--I overreacted to a comment she made about me, and she overreacted to my overreaction.
It could have gotten a lot worse, but we both chose to give ourselves a timeout rather than escalate.
Things are peaceful again today, but as I lay in bed, alone, it occurred to me that this is probably the reason that every older couple I know has separate bedrooms--its easier to just not deal with someone else's bullshit.
I could picture myself as an old man, alone in my bedroom watching porn on my laptop because that's the only kind of sex im going to get. It was a sad picture, but less stressful than worrying if someone is going to misconstrue and overreact to something I said.
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Post by deleted on Apr 28, 2016 15:49:58 GMT -5
Haha! I have had this exact thought. The upside is that you wouldn't be getting yelled at!
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Post by LITW on Apr 29, 2016 8:43:03 GMT -5
Haha! I have had this exact thought. The upside is that you wouldn't be getting yelled at! I am all for not getting yelled at. |
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Post by wewbwb on Apr 29, 2016 9:01:56 GMT -5
Haha! I have had this exact thought. The upside is that you wouldn't be getting yelled at! I am all for not getting yelled at. I think "keeping the peace" has gone a long way to getting me where I am. |
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Post by deleted on Apr 29, 2016 9:09:56 GMT -5
Thank God we had those relationships and made those memories before we married our refusers. Sadly, not all of us. I married the only woman that I have ever had sex with. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2016 9:14:56 GMT -5
Thank God we had those relationships and made those memories before we married our refusers. Sadly, not all of us. I married the only woman that I have ever had sex with. I'm sorry. :-( |
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Post by JMX on Apr 29, 2016 9:41:48 GMT -5
Last night I lay in bed, alone, after a fight with my wife. It was a silly fight--I overreacted to a comment she made about me, and she overreacted to my overreaction. It could have gotten a lot worse, but we both chose to give ourselves a timeout rather than escalate. Things are peaceful again today, but as I lay in bed, alone, it occurred to me that this is probably the reason that every older couple I know has separate bedrooms--its easier to just not deal with someone else's bullshit. I could picture myself as an old man, alone in my bedroom watching porn on my laptop because that's the only kind of sex im going to get. It was a sad picture, but less stressful than worrying if someone is going to misconstrue and overreact to something I said. See - I am sure that you and your wife "talk" but this is part of my problem with my H. I didn't want to retreat to different bedrooms to cool off. I want to have it out and either come to a compromise or lose the argument. I want to make up afterwards. People misconstrue and overreact all the time! When the communication breaks down and you retreat to separate bedrooms, that continues the issues. I want my next partner to fight with me. WITH me!! I want to work it out. I don't want to be further disconnected. |
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