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Post by nyctos on Jan 9, 2019 16:35:25 GMT -5
So I'm up for a job interview, trying to prepare, and W decides to criticize my preparation, even though she knows nothing about the field.
If it were the first time is probably ignore it, but she regularly seems to be trying to undermine my confidence and self-esteem.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jan 9, 2019 16:44:45 GMT -5
So I'm up for a job interview, trying to prepare, and W decides to criticize my preparation, even though she knows nothing about the field. If it were the first time is probably ignore it, but she regularly seems to be trying to undermine my confidence and self-esteem. Did you say anything like this to her? You don’t have to just take it laying down. “Your criticism is making me lose confidence in myself. Don’t you WANT me to get this job?” I’m guessing it’s so ingrained in how she interacts with you she isn’t even aware she’s doing it. So bring it to her attention! Good luck with the interview!! |
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Post by baza on Jan 9, 2019 19:30:51 GMT -5
Her behaviour over this issue seems perfectly consistent with everything else you have described about her past behaviour Brother nyctos . And of course she wants to undermine you and keep your self esteem in the shitter. Because if you had a reasonably intact level of self esteem you most likely would not cop this bullshit behaviour of hers and would kick her to the kerb. And that might prove rather inconvenient for her, particularly the absence of your cash. She sees it to be in her best interests to have you docile and compliant, and she has discovered that being verbally abusive produces this outcome. It works for her. There doesn't seem to be any reason why it won't continue to work for her. |
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Post by workingonit on Jan 9, 2019 20:51:56 GMT -5
Ugh. I hate hearing this. A parenting book I read once gave me the advice to "take the wind out of their sails." If there is no wind a sail os just a stupid sheet hanging out hoping to have an impact. In other words- don't let the bullshit bring you down!
I heard an interview with a psychologist once that talked about body and mind connection. She was saying that certain neurochemicals get released in the classic victory pose (arms raised in victory like a marathon winner) that increase confidence and project a winning attitude. She suggested doing that pose and a little whooping before things like interviews. I have done that in the bathroom before every job interview. I have never not gotten a job I interviewed for! My point? Believe in yourself! And whoop a little at your awesomeness before your interview.
Good luck! Let us know how it goes!!
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Post by Handy on Jan 9, 2019 21:46:53 GMT -5
Baza
.....she wants to undermine you and keep your self esteem in the shitter.
She sees it to be in her best interests to have you docile and compliant, and she has discovered that being verbally abusive produces this outcome.
I do not agree based on some of my previous readings. I think she lost respect for Nyctos and she also feels down so she puts N down below herself.
One way some people use to feel better than someone else is to put the other person down below you. If Nyctos W can't shine she can try to diminish Nyctos light.
Kids in school do this frequently. It is part of a "pecking order."
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Post by baza on Jan 9, 2019 21:56:55 GMT -5
This is probably an object lesson where "the why doesn't matter" Brother Handy . One way or another (by your interpretation or mine or someone elses) Mrs nyctos acts like a jerk. That's what Brother nyctos has to deal with. "Why" she acts like a jerk isn't particularly relevant. It could be any one of a multitude of reasons - none of which are under Brother nyctos control. It doesn't alter the fact that she acts like a jerk. And it doesn't alter Brother nyctos options. |
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 9, 2019 23:13:32 GMT -5
nyctos said: "So I'm up for a job interview, trying to prepare, and W decides to criticize my preparation, even though she knows nothing about the field.
If it were the first time is probably ignore it, but she regularly seems to be trying to undermine my confidence and self-esteem."
After years of such put downs, by now it's time to realize that when you are in situations in which you want support, your wife is not the person to confide in or to turn to. Time to cultivate friendships with people who do support you.
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Post by Handy on Jan 10, 2019 1:57:24 GMT -5
Baza, I know it sucks either way for Nyctos. I think I see Ms Nyctos as hiding her insecurities more than her outright abilities about her being smart enough to carry out vicious plans. Quite a few people that don't have it all together try to lessen their own diminished self worth by lowering another person's value.
In my case, Ms Handy doesn't have it all together so when she directs a zinger at me, I take it as if she really isn't any better than me at moving ahead, but she just wants to lower me so she doesn't look as lacking in what ever area she came from to sting me with one of her zingers.
For me it doesn't hurt as much when she throws those zingers at me. Sure I don't do some stuff correctly or to 100%, but I know my W wouldn't do half as much as I do and what she might try to do wouldn't turn as well, except for some cooking tasks. S he would take twice as long as I do cooking and leave other things unattended. That is how I cope with some of my W's negativity. Anyone else's mileage may vary.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jan 12, 2019 21:19:19 GMT -5
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Post by javba on Jan 17, 2019 14:56:04 GMT -5
So I'm up for a job interview, trying to prepare, and W decides to criticize my preparation, even though she knows nothing about the field. If it were the first time is probably ignore it, but she regularly seems to be trying to undermine my confidence and self-esteem. Hi - any updates - what happened with the job |
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Post by flashjohn on Jan 29, 2019 11:17:14 GMT -5
So I'm up for a job interview, trying to prepare, and W decides to criticize my preparation, even though she knows nothing about the field. If it were the first time is probably ignore it, but she regularly seems to be trying to undermine my confidence and self-esteem. It really doesn't matter why she does it. I suggest that you ask yourself why you are accepting this kind of treatment. |
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