Post by northstarmom on Dec 27, 2018 11:33:19 GMT -5
“When you start showing up to your life wholly and completely, with joy and interest and commitment, not everyone is going to be ready to meet you there. It doesn’t mean you need to change who you are. It means you need to stop loving people who aren’t ready to love you. ... “It is the hardest thing you will ever have to do, and it will also be the most important: stop giving your love to those who aren’t ready to love you.
Stop having hard conversations with people who don’t want to change. Stop showing up for people who are indifferent about your presence. Stop prioritizing people who make you an option. Stop loving people who aren’t ready to love you....”
There are X number of people in your life. Most of them couldn't give a shit about you. Some, not many, do give a bit of a shit for you at some casual level. Fewer still care quite a lot for you and are reasonably compatible with you. Fewer still (and you are well down into single figures here) might make a good life partner for you.
There is not a real lot of point in disappating your energy, emotion and effort into people who do not - cannot - or will not - reciprocate your feelings for them.
Post by caballotierra on Jan 21, 2019 21:48:45 GMT -5
northstarmom Thank you for sharing this. Holy smokes. I’ve already passed it on to two others. Another one of those things that I can see so clearly in hindsight but did not connect as I was miserably trying to make it work. Detachment is a beast. Took me a long long time to practice it with my partner. And now that I’m on the other side of dependency, I am not going back.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
worksforme2: some better and some worse,..virus seems to be slowing down, but people are beginning to refuse to stay inside,...worst thing I see is Biden leading in the election poles,...but that could be fake news
Apr 20, 2020 16:56:22 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Politics? Is that what we want to happen here?
Apr 21, 2020 6:21:24 GMT -5
petrushka: Certainly not American style politics. Toxic echo chambers.
Apr 23, 2020 16:21:52 GMT -5
petrushka: However, I feel that sexual politics, including political moves that impact the relationships between gender (misogynist, misandrist, etc) definitely deserve room in this context.
Apr 23, 2020 16:22:59 GMT -5
fred: just calculated that i've spent somewhere near 19,000 days (& nights) as a "rejectee".AND that allows for 2,000+ days (& nights) on business travel apart from her. i've chosen to "stay" .....would never do that again, and can't as you see doing the math
May 15, 2020 18:01:15 GMT -5
worksforme2: 19000 days and nights,....damn dude, that's 52 yrs.
Jun 17, 2020 9:19:10 GMT -5
fred: you're a little short works - was thinking this AM, there has NEVER been a day when she indicated desire for me physically (other than for heavy lifting or finance)........LOL...........earlier, i had enough libido for both of us, now i'm left with guilt
Jun 20, 2020 13:11:12 GMT -5
fred: over imposing myself on her rather than simply leaving .....DAMN LOVE ANYWAY !
Jun 20, 2020 13:12:12 GMT -5
mesulina: update everyone, still has not happened. I have now come to accept that I will live with out. It is just different now.
Jun 29, 2020 19:32:31 GMT -5
worksforme2: Sorry mesulina,... but on the positive side you did stock up on toys a short time back,..now might be the time to go for the gusto
Jun 30, 2020 17:42:54 GMT -5
grower: Embrace a change, you will wonder why you waited so long
Jul 9, 2020 11:22:56 GMT -5
grower: Your life clock is ticking away, don't waste all your time. Live some.
Jul 24, 2020 9:53:20 GMT -5
fred: blue guy, i was where you are 30 years ago. stayed.................nothing changed. if i didn't love this nice lady so much i'd be in deep regret. if she doesn't think of you in a hundred "other" ways (as does my wife) GET OUT ! Life is short
Aug 10, 2020 17:43:15 GMT -5
jerri: Yuk on the plucking chicken feathers. If a chicken doesn't get sex and intimacy she just finds a beautiful cock sooner or later. I'd say there's a much higher "philandering" rate than anyone would care to admit. The rooster who is tormented findsa chicken!
Sept 10, 2020 8:23:56 GMT -5
csl: And yet, there is an entire segment of ILIASM stayers.
Sept 10, 2020 22:04:05 GMT -5
jerri: Exactly I have read multiple threads. I was very impressed with all the different solutions everyone has found. Intellectual group and the camaraderie is nice
Sept 11, 2020 9:44:57 GMT -5
Handy: What happened to being light outside until 9:30 PM? It is 7:30 PM and dark now.
Sept 20, 2020 20:46:01 GMT -5
jerri: It's not hot there? I am getting a slight break from the heat! Cheer up buddy!
Sept 21, 2020 0:27:37 GMT -5
petrushka: Well WE are getting closer to summer. Just passed Equinox. I expect the solar panels will start paying for themselves again in the near future. (over the last few months they have merely mitigated the power bills).
Sept 21, 2020 21:00:36 GMT -5