Post by darktippedrose on Dec 18, 2018 15:45:30 GMT -5
So, my step-daughter has been living with us for over a year. She's 21. We're religious. She buys her own pork. I won't buy that for her anymore.
She buys her own alcohol. I don't want it in my house. I refused to open in up for her and she just goes to her dad.
If I say no, she says she'll go ask her dad. And he usually lets her do whatever she wants. And she usually comes down with an evil look on her face. My daughter Z (13) says he's nicer to my step-daughter than he is to me. She is going back and forth between wanting a hug from her dad and wanting his love and approval to wondering why he's so mean. And nice to everyone else.
My step-daughter thought that I'm wrong for wanting my daughter to have a better man than her dad (far off future). She thinks her dad is awesome.
And sometimes, I think they're both sociopaths.
and even though she can be helpful, sometimes I just can't deal with the added stress.
DTR, I hope you're doing well. I come on here some times and like hearing how you're doing because you're not in a good place. I hope you can take some good steps for yourself. I feel for your youth, people do not change. I hope you can find support in your family to try make baby steps to get your needs met.
1. Your spouse is as unlikely to love you more than the 21 yrs old as you're unlikely to love your spouse more than your 13 yrs old one. That's just biology most SANE folks love the kids more than the spouse. OTOH your spouse DOES promote a "difference of affections between the 2 girls" and "environment inconsistent between the 2 girls" that is unlikely to change.
2. Sociopaths probably yes, insofar they put THEMSELVES FIRST.
I'd recommend an experiment - IF YOU CAN, Try being a sociopath for a week put YOURSELF FIRST, and see how it feels. I have done that and it felt GREAT.
Your eyes cannot see, what your mind does not know.
I'm a firm believer that our role as parents is to love, nourish, shelter, protect, mentor, and guide our children in life, not dictate and force our views on them. There are some rules that we as parents should stand firm on, such as treat each other with dignity and respect. However, everyone should be free to choose their food, music, clothes, hair style, religion (or lack there of), education, career path, friends, partners, etc. (age appropriate of course).
I haven’t read your story, so forgive me if I'm off base here.
My initial thought from reading your post is that your step daughter is 21 and of free will. She buys her own pork and alcohol, but that goes against your religious beliefs. This doesn’t sound all that bad to me, and certaintly isn’t remotely close to “getting away with murder”. Having a beer and a pork chop isn’t going to cause her to “veer of course into the ditch”. My view is that a healthy parental role in this specific case is to suggest that if she chooses to drink alcohol at a legal age to do so moderately and safely, helping her to know and understand her limits and the consequences of her choices, and to eat healthy, not forbade both choices simply because of YOUR religious views. Of course, you should also feel free to share the benefits of your religious views and choices with her (assuming you chose freely too) in a positive and healthy manner as well.
Hope I didn’t offend, as that certaintly wasn’t my intent.
Success is a few simple disciplines, practiced every day, while failure is simply a few errors in judgment, repeated every day. A victim mentality ensures you are always the victim. A victor mentality gives you a fighting chance at survival.
Post by darktippedrose on Dec 27, 2018 2:15:45 GMT -5
I would be as upset about it, if she could have her alcohol in a small refrigerator in her own room. Yes, she buys it herself. But as a religious person, its a no go. Hes being hypocritical. Enforcing super high standards on us, but encouraging bad stuff with her.
and its not just that, he's way nicer with his oldest daughter, than any of the kids that we've had together.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: I've no idea what it is with the toilet paper hoarding. I walked out of a supermarket yesterday and saw a woman with the jumbo sized trolley and some 4x 18 roll packs of toilet paper. Nuts. Completely nuts. Incidentally, a bidet is definitely the way to go
Mar 14, 2020 6:18:43 GMT -5
petrushka: Even her little 5 or 6 year old was questioning her purchase!
Mar 14, 2020 6:25:44 GMT -5
petrushka: One of my favourite quotes for the last 30 years: "don't ever look a sheep in the eyes, the intellectual vacuum may suck your brains out". Well, let's all drink to the sheeple! (besides, alcohol is a good disinfectant).
Mar 14, 2020 6:31:26 GMT -5
frednsa: so...............i'd like to tell her when she "attempts to placate me": have you ever been invited to a party where you knew for certain that you WEREN'T wanted ?
Mar 19, 2020 15:57:05 GMT -5
worksforme2: Former Miss Hawaii tests positive. Being the gallant lad that I am I have offered her the use of my guest bedroom to "shelter in place"..
Mar 23, 2020 20:34:21 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey tamara68, there is a covid19 positive cat in Belgium, watch out for it.
Mar 30, 2020 14:05:56 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme I think I have to be more careful for all infected people. Most likely I already have Covid19
Apr 1, 2020 3:29:42 GMT -5
worksforme2: tamara68.....it's been a couple weeks since you posted you may have the covid19 virus. hopefully you are feeling better and are on your way to renewed health
Apr 11, 2020 5:31:38 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme thanks, yes I am feeling better. How is it in the USA?
Apr 14, 2020 1:57:26 GMT -5
worksforme2: some better and some worse,..virus seems to be slowing down, but people are beginning to refuse to stay inside,...worst thing I see is Biden leading in the election poles,...but that could be fake news
Apr 20, 2020 16:56:22 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Politics? Is that what we want to happen here?
Apr 21, 2020 6:21:24 GMT -5
petrushka: Certainly not American style politics. Toxic echo chambers.
Apr 23, 2020 16:21:52 GMT -5
petrushka: However, I feel that sexual politics, including political moves that impact the relationships between gender (misogynist, misandrist, etc) definitely deserve room in this context.
Apr 23, 2020 16:22:59 GMT -5
fred: just calculated that i've spent somewhere near 19,000 days (& nights) as a "rejectee".AND that allows for 2,000+ days (& nights) on business travel apart from her. i've chosen to "stay" .....would never do that again, and can't as you see doing the math
May 15, 2020 18:01:15 GMT -5
worksforme2: 19000 days and nights,....damn dude, that's 52 yrs.
Jun 17, 2020 9:19:10 GMT -5
fred: you're a little short works - was thinking this AM, there has NEVER been a day when she indicated desire for me physically (other than for heavy lifting or finance)........LOL...........earlier, i had enough libido for both of us, now i'm left with guilt
Jun 20, 2020 13:11:12 GMT -5
fred: over imposing myself on her rather than simply leaving .....DAMN LOVE ANYWAY !
Jun 20, 2020 13:12:12 GMT -5
mesulina: update everyone, still has not happened. I have now come to accept that I will live with out. It is just different now.
Jun 29, 2020 19:32:31 GMT -5
worksforme2: Sorry mesulina,... but on the positive side you did stock up on toys a short time back,..now might be the time to go for the gusto
Jun 30, 2020 17:42:54 GMT -5
grower: Embrace a change, you will wonder why you waited so long
Jul 9, 2020 11:22:56 GMT -5