He loves me..... what now?
Nov 27, 2018 3:28:10 GMT -5
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Vitruvius, solodriver, and 4 more like this
Post by ilsaicnl on Nov 27, 2018 3:28:10 GMT -5
My husband is a wonderful, kind, thoughtful gentleman. Truly.
He just doesn't seem to want to have sex with me. Apparently, with anyone.
This may just be my fault. I should have seen the signs.
My "drug of choice" ever since I was a teenager was sex. I was pregnant young and then ended up marrying young. All of my relationships in my teen and early twenties were based largely on sex. I got married around 19 and man, sex was awesome! But that was the only part of that relationship that worked. It was like throwing gasoline onto a fire. That relationship ended in divorce.
I spent the next 11 years a single mom. At times, practicing the faith I'd been raised on and being celibate by choice and other times carefully, cautiously, discreetly seeking out companionship and frankly, sex.
January of 2009, I made a resolution to be open to new relationships and to open my heart. Instead of just my "legs". I met my current husband on a dating website and we started corresponding online and through text. He had a son. I have 2 daughters. We take things slow and after about a month of online talking, we set a date to meet in person.
Because I wanted to have a meaningful relationship and with the constraints of juggling my kids and his kid, it was a couple of months before we first had sex. And it was okay. Didn't set anything on fire, but was acceptable.
Fast forward, he proposes and I accept. Because of the pitfalls in my previous marriage, I insisted on premarital counseling and we wrote up a marriage plan for all the things where my last marriage had failed. Expectations for everything - except sex.
Things didn't come to a head until maybe a year or so into the marriage..... he was resistant to suggestions for play or other positions or anything to kinda spice things up. Now, mind you, I have to be fair, he doesn't mind ME dressing up, but role play is out. He will watch porn with me, but doesn't want to act it out. He's open to toys. But when I say this man is vanilla, I mean like pure white snow vanilla.
Then.... frequency began to dwindle. I found myself becoming more and more angry and finding more and more fault with this kind man. What is wrong with me? He cooks and cleans and grocery shops and does laundry. He holds my hand and hugs me and tells me he loves me.
BUT WHY DOESN'T HE ENJOY SEX WITH ME??? Why does that matter in light of all the other good?
I sent him to doctors to check testosterone, blood pressure, etc. Got all sorts of things. I was operating under the assumption that there obviously had to be something wrong with him, because my experience with men was the typical stereotype of thinking about sex like 20 times a minute. When I ask him to think back to high school or even college, he never really craved sex. Was a virgin into his 20's. He likes girls. Porn. Strip clubs.
Then, one day, I had a thought. Maybe something is wrong with me?? I spent weeks searching the web and feeling truly awful. Found a therapist that I've now been seeing for about 3 years to help me with this. Realized there's nothing wrong with me either. Our sex drives are just not compatible.
So, now, as my 40th birthday approaches, I'm faced with the dilemma of is this really going to be my life? Did I really waste the best years of my life without sex?
He is willing to play with the toys with me, but to me, I just feel like he's doing it to "help me out" and it breaks my heart that he doesn't worship my body it crave the pure carnality of it all. I don't need intimacy alone, but sex. Dirty, hot, steamy, carnal.... sex.
I'm sure I sound like a big whiner as so many stories don't have an interested, caring spouse on the other side of the equation. I. Just. Need. To. Be. Wanted. Craved.
He just doesn't seem to want to have sex with me. Apparently, with anyone.
This may just be my fault. I should have seen the signs.
My "drug of choice" ever since I was a teenager was sex. I was pregnant young and then ended up marrying young. All of my relationships in my teen and early twenties were based largely on sex. I got married around 19 and man, sex was awesome! But that was the only part of that relationship that worked. It was like throwing gasoline onto a fire. That relationship ended in divorce.
I spent the next 11 years a single mom. At times, practicing the faith I'd been raised on and being celibate by choice and other times carefully, cautiously, discreetly seeking out companionship and frankly, sex.
January of 2009, I made a resolution to be open to new relationships and to open my heart. Instead of just my "legs". I met my current husband on a dating website and we started corresponding online and through text. He had a son. I have 2 daughters. We take things slow and after about a month of online talking, we set a date to meet in person.
Because I wanted to have a meaningful relationship and with the constraints of juggling my kids and his kid, it was a couple of months before we first had sex. And it was okay. Didn't set anything on fire, but was acceptable.
Fast forward, he proposes and I accept. Because of the pitfalls in my previous marriage, I insisted on premarital counseling and we wrote up a marriage plan for all the things where my last marriage had failed. Expectations for everything - except sex.
Things didn't come to a head until maybe a year or so into the marriage..... he was resistant to suggestions for play or other positions or anything to kinda spice things up. Now, mind you, I have to be fair, he doesn't mind ME dressing up, but role play is out. He will watch porn with me, but doesn't want to act it out. He's open to toys. But when I say this man is vanilla, I mean like pure white snow vanilla.
Then.... frequency began to dwindle. I found myself becoming more and more angry and finding more and more fault with this kind man. What is wrong with me? He cooks and cleans and grocery shops and does laundry. He holds my hand and hugs me and tells me he loves me.
BUT WHY DOESN'T HE ENJOY SEX WITH ME??? Why does that matter in light of all the other good?
I sent him to doctors to check testosterone, blood pressure, etc. Got all sorts of things. I was operating under the assumption that there obviously had to be something wrong with him, because my experience with men was the typical stereotype of thinking about sex like 20 times a minute. When I ask him to think back to high school or even college, he never really craved sex. Was a virgin into his 20's. He likes girls. Porn. Strip clubs.
Then, one day, I had a thought. Maybe something is wrong with me?? I spent weeks searching the web and feeling truly awful. Found a therapist that I've now been seeing for about 3 years to help me with this. Realized there's nothing wrong with me either. Our sex drives are just not compatible.
So, now, as my 40th birthday approaches, I'm faced with the dilemma of is this really going to be my life? Did I really waste the best years of my life without sex?
He is willing to play with the toys with me, but to me, I just feel like he's doing it to "help me out" and it breaks my heart that he doesn't worship my body it crave the pure carnality of it all. I don't need intimacy alone, but sex. Dirty, hot, steamy, carnal.... sex.
I'm sure I sound like a big whiner as so many stories don't have an interested, caring spouse on the other side of the equation. I. Just. Need. To. Be. Wanted. Craved.