Post by northstarmom on Nov 18, 2018 15:55:05 GMT -5
mypaintbrushes: "He’s told me four or five times in the past month or so that I have “until January” to decide whether I want to be with him. "
You don't have to adhere to his timeline. You could start the divorce now. If kids and the holidays are a consideration, you still could start the divorce proceedings but not tell the kids until January.
Post by mypaintbrushes on Jan 22, 2019 13:40:58 GMT -5
Well, looks like IT’S SHOWTIME!! For people who skim and don’t read, this means it’s time. Over, finished, finis, fin. ***I’ve already decided***
He moved out of the master bedroom on Saturday, after having his female friend deliver a new futon (I’d asked him whether the futon meant what I think it did and he confirmed). Then he immediately said I’m welcome to invite him back into the bedroom, or sleep in the man cave with him.
Reason he gave that he moved out is that I’m “taking over” the master bedroom. After he’s given me the second closet.
Yesterday, I learned he’s been talking to his therapist since November about leaving me. He’s also been writing erotica and I found that he secretly recorded me last week during a conversation. I have no idea why.
Last night he handed me a three page letter outlining his reasons for wanting to divorce me (not enough compliments, was among them) and his terms (he gets to continue living in the house until retirement). He also says he wants to do this without lawyers, which has me going “Yeah, right!!”
He wants to be live-in FWB, which I think is hilarious. But then talked openly about looking for a life partner. He added a p.s. to the end of our conversation that he is suicidal and “That’s just one more reason to divorce me!” Not so hilarious.
This morning I learned he’s been on at least three dating sites. They seem to be multiplying.
***I KNOW THIS STUFF IS NOT OK. I AM SHARING IN CASE IT WILL HELP SOMEONE ELSE.***
I plan to see a lawyer ASAP to get separation paperwork started (***I know separation is different than divorce; this is a necessary first step since finances have been shaky almost the entire marriage***). I liked the one I saw last summer; however, she mailed a letter to my house, which he opened and read.
So, one of your H's friends is an attorney. Is this woman in the position of being a potential OW or just someone he hired or will hire and not a potential OW.?
mypaintbrishes I found that he secretly recorded me last week during a conversation. I have no idea why.
Lots of people thinking about divorce do this. The OW/OM usually they think an X will say there was physical violence so all he is doing is CYA (cover your ass) thing so if you say something bad about him he can prove he didn't do anything wrong. Also some potential partners when they break up tend to say some radical things. People breaking up want to discover if the other spouse is having an affair so they can go for more $$$ in the divorce. Again it often comes down mostly to a CYA or trying to prove you are unreasonable or cheating already. Again, it is a fairly common thing to do (recording) One forum I read, one poster has recording as his go to advice. Too many private detective wan-a-bees I suppose.
I see a certain amount of distrust in many break ups so recordings are not that uncommon. Mind you I got this information just from reading relationship forums and no first hand experience. I will say I do learn from other's experiences and do not have to make all of the mistakes I read about. The mistakes in some cases is NOT CYA. Lawyers are good at telling potential clients what to do and what not to do.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
petrushka: Thank you! Had a great party with the boardgamers group (and BBQ, cakes and cards!)
Jan 18, 2020 20:14:00 GMT -5
misssunnybunny: You're welcome! Sounds like a wonderful way to celebrate
Jan 18, 2020 22:10:28 GMT -5
frednsa: yaaaaiiiiiieeeeoooooouuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeekkkkkkkkk ! OK, if feel better now.....
Feb 29, 2020 18:14:01 GMT -5
petrushka: Glad you got that off your chest ;-)
Mar 6, 2020 23:35:38 GMT -5
worksforme2: It is a sad day here in my small town, the only cinema has closed...it's probably close to 30 miles to get to one now...
Mar 7, 2020 19:48:28 GMT -5
worksforme2: Since our esteemed governor has declared a state of emergency here in NC (a total of 12 cases so far) the hording of toilet paper has begun. Is diarrhea a part of covid 19? I see Lowes and Home Depot have quick install toilet retro fit bidets.
Mar 13, 2020 10:34:57 GMT -5
petrushka: I've no idea what it is with the toilet paper hoarding. I walked out of a supermarket yesterday and saw a woman with the jumbo sized trolley and some 4x 18 roll packs of toilet paper. Nuts. Completely nuts. Incidentally, a bidet is definitely the way to go
Mar 14, 2020 6:18:43 GMT -5
petrushka: Even her little 5 or 6 year old was questioning her purchase!
Mar 14, 2020 6:25:44 GMT -5
petrushka: One of my favourite quotes for the last 30 years: "don't ever look a sheep in the eyes, the intellectual vacuum may suck your brains out". Well, let's all drink to the sheeple! (besides, alcohol is a good disinfectant).
Mar 14, 2020 6:31:26 GMT -5
frednsa: so...............i'd like to tell her when she "attempts to placate me": have you ever been invited to a party where you knew for certain that you WEREN'T wanted ?
Mar 19, 2020 15:57:05 GMT -5
worksforme2: Former Miss Hawaii tests positive. Being the gallant lad that I am I have offered her the use of my guest bedroom to "shelter in place"..
Mar 23, 2020 20:34:21 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey tamara68, there is a covid19 positive cat in Belgium, watch out for it.
Mar 30, 2020 14:05:56 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme I think I have to be more careful for all infected people. Most likely I already have Covid19
Apr 1, 2020 3:29:42 GMT -5
worksforme2: tamara68.....it's been a couple weeks since you posted you may have the covid19 virus. hopefully you are feeling better and are on your way to renewed health
Apr 11, 2020 5:31:38 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme thanks, yes I am feeling better. How is it in the USA?
Apr 14, 2020 1:57:26 GMT -5
worksforme2: some better and some worse,..virus seems to be slowing down, but people are beginning to refuse to stay inside,...worst thing I see is Biden leading in the election poles,...but that could be fake news
Apr 20, 2020 16:56:22 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Politics? Is that what we want to happen here?
Apr 21, 2020 6:21:24 GMT -5
petrushka: Certainly not American style politics. Toxic echo chambers.
Apr 23, 2020 16:21:52 GMT -5
petrushka: However, I feel that sexual politics, including political moves that impact the relationships between gender (misogynist, misandrist, etc) definitely deserve room in this context.
Apr 23, 2020 16:22:59 GMT -5
fred: just calculated that i've spent somewhere near 19,000 days (& nights) as a "rejectee".AND that allows for 2,000+ days (& nights) on business travel apart from her. i've chosen to "stay" .....would never do that again, and can't as you see doing the math
May 15, 2020 18:01:15 GMT -5