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Post by northstarmom on Nov 18, 2018 15:55:05 GMT -5
mypaintbrushes: "He’s told me four or five times in the past month or so that I have “until January” to decide whether I want to be with him. "
You don't have to adhere to his timeline. You could start the divorce now. If kids and the holidays are a consideration, you still could start the divorce proceedings but not tell the kids until January.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 17, 2019 20:35:53 GMT -5
I'm gathering your husband won't like the answer he is given in January.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jan 22, 2019 13:40:58 GMT -5
Well, looks like IT’S SHOWTIME!! For people who skim and don’t read, this means it’s time. Over, finished, finis, fin. ***I’ve already decided***
He moved out of the master bedroom on Saturday, after having his female friend deliver a new futon (I’d asked him whether the futon meant what I think it did and he confirmed). Then he immediately said I’m welcome to invite him back into the bedroom, or sleep in the man cave with him.
Reason he gave that he moved out is that I’m “taking over” the master bedroom. After he’s given me the second closet.
Yesterday, I learned he’s been talking to his therapist since November about leaving me. He’s also been writing erotica and I found that he secretly recorded me last week during a conversation. I have no idea why.
Last night he handed me a three page letter outlining his reasons for wanting to divorce me (not enough compliments, was among them) and his terms (he gets to continue living in the house until retirement). He also says he wants to do this without lawyers, which has me going “Yeah, right!!”
He wants to be live-in FWB, which I think is hilarious. But then talked openly about looking for a life partner. He added a p.s. to the end of our conversation that he is suicidal and “That’s just one more reason to divorce me!” Not so hilarious.
This morning I learned he’s been on at least three dating sites. They seem to be multiplying.
***I KNOW THIS STUFF IS NOT OK. I AM SHARING IN CASE IT WILL HELP SOMEONE ELSE.***
I plan to see a lawyer ASAP to get separation paperwork started (***I know separation is different than divorce; this is a necessary first step since finances have been shaky almost the entire marriage***). I liked the one I saw last summer; however, she mailed a letter to my house, which he opened and read.
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Post by baza on Jan 22, 2019 16:21:22 GMT -5
Wishing you well on this stage of your process Sister mypaintbrushes .
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Post by jim44444 on Jan 22, 2019 16:39:26 GMT -5
mypaintbrushes, I will not repeat my opinion of your H but his current actions just reinforce it. Do get a lawyer as soon as possible. His past financial antics may resurrect to your detriment.
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Post by sadkat on Jan 22, 2019 17:46:00 GMT -5
You are right mypaintbrushes. It’s time to see a lawyer and call him on his BS!! Good luck!
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Post by workingonit on Jan 22, 2019 18:50:31 GMT -5
You got this sister mypaintbrushes ! We are with you and cheering you on every step of the way!
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Post by shamwow on Jan 22, 2019 21:33:56 GMT -5
Good for you! And how considerate he is for giving you so many reasons to get rid of his sorry ass!
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Post by Handy on Jan 22, 2019 21:46:01 GMT -5
Mypaintbrushes I liked the one I saw last summer; however, she mailed a letter to my house, which he opened and read.
she mailed ... So does that mean your H has or had an OW, or does it mean something else?
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jan 22, 2019 22:24:29 GMT -5
It means the lawyer mailed a letter to my house. Funnily enough, she’s a domestic violence attorney.
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Post by Handy on Jan 23, 2019 1:30:33 GMT -5
So, one of your H's friends is an attorney. Is this woman in the position of being a potential OW or just someone he hired or will hire and not a potential OW.?
mypaintbrishes I found that he secretly recorded me last week during a conversation. I have no idea why.
Lots of people thinking about divorce do this. The OW/OM usually they think an X will say there was physical violence so all he is doing is CYA (cover your ass) thing so if you say something bad about him he can prove he didn't do anything wrong. Also some potential partners when they break up tend to say some radical things. People breaking up want to discover if the other spouse is having an affair so they can go for more $$$ in the divorce. Again it often comes down mostly to a CYA or trying to prove you are unreasonable or cheating already. Again, it is a fairly common thing to do (recording) One forum I read, one poster has recording as his go to advice. Too many private detective wan-a-bees I suppose.
I see a certain amount of distrust in many break ups so recordings are not that uncommon. Mind you I got this information just from reading relationship forums and no first hand experience. I will say I do learn from other's experiences and do not have to make all of the mistakes I read about. The mistakes in some cases is NOT CYA. Lawyers are good at telling potential clients what to do and what not to do.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jan 23, 2019 1:38:18 GMT -5
Huh? She’s not a friend of his; she’s an attorney. She sent a client follow up letter to my house, addressed to me. He opened and read it.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 23, 2019 7:19:35 GMT -5
The lawyer who sent the follow up letter to your home showed a serious lack of judgment. Do not use her. Find a lawyer whom you can trust.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 23, 2019 11:15:30 GMT -5
The lawyer who sent the follow up letter to your home showed a serious lack of judgment. Do not use her. Find a lawyer whom you can trust. God I can't agree more. Something like that would warrant a negative online review from me as well to warn off other potential victims.
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Post by Handy on Jan 23, 2019 22:19:30 GMT -5
Mypaintbrushes, my mistake, I missed the part about the letter being from an attorney you saw. I was thinking it was related to someone your H knew.
Me, dyslexia maybe.
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