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Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 17, 2018 1:18:42 GMT -5
Coming together (finally!).
We refinanced our house. We had a HELOC that had been charged off since 2012. How we didn’t go to foreclosure is beyond me! Anyway, we have lots of equity in our house, so rolled that into our first plus took enough cash out to do some much-needed home repairs and pay off debt.
Our overall monthly debt load is going down by a significant amount. I figure we can share ownership of the house and trade off weeks living in it so our son can stay in the same house (he said he won’t go for that idea and intends to stay in the house because HE needs a place to live). Or we could just sell the house. Now that there is no second lien.
He’s told me four or five times in the past month or so that I have “until January” to decide whether I want to be with him.
He claims he just says dramatic stuff to get my attention; I’m calling his bluff. Part of my half of the cash out I’m earmarking to out down a retainer on a lawyer.
I’ve been talking to a few key people. I INOW I can do this. I am employed, full-time, and make a good living (without debt hanging over my head, I could afford the mortgage on my own if I had to). I won’t be homeless. And, hopefully, I will have friends by my side.
I have a friend who’s indicated he’d be interested in me should I become single again. He’s also willing to help me out. I have girlfriends by my side too. My mom is becoming more and more open as well.
I’m heading up to Oregon in a couple of weeks to go visit friends and get away for a few days and when I come back I’ll just have the holidays to get through before I make my move.
Please keep all fingers and toes crossed and send positive vibes out into the universe for me!
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Nov 17, 2018 8:33:42 GMT -5
He’s told me four or five times in the past month or so that I have “until January” to decide whether I want to be with him. Consider his statement a good omen. A divorce lawyer told me he can always afford Christmas bc January is their busiest month. Good progess report. Dont let his BS kill your momentum. All the best!
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Post by jim44444 on Nov 17, 2018 10:00:46 GMT -5
Tell him he has until January to become a real husband. Put the retainer down on your lawyer before some other emergency grabs the cash. Enjoy your trip to Oregon.
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 17, 2018 16:42:33 GMT -5
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Post by baza on Nov 17, 2018 17:26:53 GMT -5
As Brother jim44444 suggests, engage a lawyer before the money gets dissipated elsewhere. Also, the lawyer can help you knock off any rough edges in your exit strategy. Congratulations on your progress.
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Post by workingonit on Nov 17, 2018 19:30:19 GMT -5
Keep moving! This is great progress!
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Post by sadkat on Nov 17, 2018 20:26:27 GMT -5
You are doing well mypaintbrushes. You’ve got this! Sending good vibes your way. Enjoy your time away from the stress. Hugs!
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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 17, 2018 23:36:35 GMT -5
I’m so happy to hear your update. Empowered, actions taken, a deserved break - sheesh, even a potential love interest lined up already! You go, MPB - you’re damn right you can do this. And you ARE. Godspeed, sister.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 18, 2018 10:43:41 GMT -5
Mypaintbrushes said; “I have a friend who’s indicated he’d be interested in me should I become single again.“
Do not base divorce on having a partner waiting in the wings. That is a shaky foundation that gives another person power over your decisions for your life. Also, unless one has done a lot of work to heal from one’s sm and to figure out how one got into and stayed in such a situation, one is likely to enter another dysfunctional relationship.
Base divorce on whether you are so miserable in the marriage that being single is preferable to remaining married.
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 18, 2018 12:49:31 GMT -5
Mypaintbrushes said; “I have a friend who’s indicated he’d be interested in me should I become single again.“ Do not base divorce on having a partner waiting in the wings. That is a shaky foundation that gives another person power over your decisions for your life. Also, unless one has done a lot of work to heal from one’s sm and to figure out how one got into and stayed I. Such a situation, one is likely to enter another dysfunctional relationship. Base divorce on whether you are so miserable in the marriage that being single is preferable to remaining married. I'm with you on this, northstarmom. The decision has to stand on its own, not on a future love interest. I do believe that it does in your case. My affair partner had enough concern to ask. I was making huge changes in my life to be closer to her, but, even without her the benefits far outweighed the negatives. Given what the Illinois courts were going to do to me, I knew I would be miserable if I stayed where I was at. Your future, even if the immediate love interest does not work out, seems more fiscally stable and more emotionally satisfying than if you stay, if I am reading everything correctly.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 18, 2018 13:37:45 GMT -5
If you have not yet talked to a lawyer, do it as soon as possible so you know what the financials and divorce process will be like. You may even be able to find out that info for free as many lawyers offer free consultations.
Because many people wait until after New Year to file for divorce, if you wait til Jan. to talk to a lawyer you may have a long wait to get an appointment and may have fewer lawyers to choose from. There also may be changes in divorce law would go into effect in January that it would be helpful for you to know about now. Some people also rack up lots of debt during the holidays. If your husband is that type of person, that also is something to take under consideration because such debt probably would be considered joint debt if you are not legally separated.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 18, 2018 13:41:16 GMT -5
Mypaintbrushes said; “I have a friend who’s indicated he’d be interested in me should I become single again.“ Do not base divorce on having a partner waiting in the wings. That is a shaky foundation that gives another person power over your decisions for your life. Also, unless one has done a lot of work to heal from one’s sm and to figure out how one got into and stayed I. Such a situation, one is likely to enter another dysfunctional relationship. Base divorce on whether you are so miserable in the marriage that being single is preferable to remaining married. I'm with you on this, northstarmom. The decision has to stand on its own, not on a future love interest. I do believe that it does in your case. My affair partner had enough concern to ask. I was making huge changes in my life to be closer to her, but, even without her the benefits far outweighed the negatives. Given what the Illinois courts were going to do to me, I knew I would be miserable if I stayed where I was at. Your future, even if the immediate love interest does not work out, seems more fiscally stable and more emotionally satisfying than if you stay, if I am reading everything correctly. I assure you both, as a grown woman over 40, I know not to do this. And I spoke to a lawyer back in July.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 18, 2018 13:50:13 GMT -5
" I assure you both, as a grown woman over 40, I know not to do this. And I spoke to a lawyer back in July."
Glad to hear that you have consulted with a lawyer and aren't basing divorce on havinq a back-up guy..
There are, however, many very grown women and men who think that the way to leave one relationship is to have another one ready to enter.
I seem to remember you live in California. If that's true, I hope your home is safe from the fires.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 18, 2018 13:51:03 GMT -5
" I assure you both, as a grown woman over 40, I know not to do this. And I spoke to a lawyer back in July." Glad to hear that you have consulted with a lawyer and aren't basing divorce on havinq a back-up guy.. There are, however, many very grown women and men who think that the way to leave one relationship is to have another one ready to enter. I’m smarter than I look.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 18, 2018 15:46:11 GMT -5
You’re damn smart, @mpb. You’ve done a lot of legwork and you are a reliable person- you can rely on yourself and you will be better off on your own. It is better to be in no relationship than in a bad one. You’ve got this.
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