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Post by Handy on Oct 19, 2018 21:19:59 GMT -5
Here is a video outlining how some men feel about sexless relationships. Baza might have heard of this woman's book.
If I find a similar female version I will post a link.
Sex Starved Husbands (time 41:37) Bettina Arndt is an Australian sex therapist, journalist and clinical psychologist.
A Gender neutral Interview: How To Avoid A Sex-Starved Marriage - with Michele Weiner-Davis (time 32:53)
A book: Why Men Stop Having Sex: By Bob Berkowitz Susan Yager-Berkowitz
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Post by flounder on Oct 27, 2018 12:23:34 GMT -5
That would be me.
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Post by Dan on Oct 27, 2018 21:34:15 GMT -5
Regarding Bettina Arndt's video (top one):
I have no idea why I started watching this. 20 minutes in and I'm still not sure. Loads of anecdotes. Tons of the usual generalizations referred to as "research". Paucity of advice of any kind.
Nothing really wrong with the talk. Just a meandering mess.
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Post by baza on Oct 27, 2018 21:44:50 GMT -5
Bettina comes from my jurisdiction.
She has an excellent publicist, and gets her head on the tv and other media quite often.
Over and above that I dunno that there's much to add.
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Post by michael on Oct 28, 2018 22:49:43 GMT -5
This made a grown man cry.
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Post by Dan on Oct 29, 2018 8:36:04 GMT -5
This made a grown man cry. At least I got to see a grown woman talk candidly about sex for 40 minutes. No embarrassment talking plainly about sexual desire, sexual pleasure, the art of giving and receiving, the joy of sex at all ages, the pain of mismatch libidos in a marriage. All that. Again, it was a meandering mess... but that sort of discussion has never even happened in my household.
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Post by jamesbonding on Oct 30, 2018 0:27:39 GMT -5
This made a grown man cry. At least I got to see a grown woman talk candidly about sex for 40 minutes. No embarrassment talking plainly about sexual desire, sexual pleasure, the art of giving and receiving, the joy of sex at all ages, the pain of mismatch libidos in a marriage. All that. Again, it was a meandering mess... but that sort of discussion has never even happened in my household. Dan have you or anyone succeeded in getting your spouse to watch one of Michele Wiener-Davis' Sex Starved Marriage videos? I think it might help in cases where the refusing spouse has sufficient empathy overcome their reluctance to have sex. I asked my wife to watch one of Michele's videos, but I don't think she ever did.
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Post by michael on Oct 30, 2018 8:09:06 GMT -5
At least I got to see a grown woman talk candidly about sex for 40 minutes. No embarrassment talking plainly about sexual desire, sexual pleasure, the art of giving and receiving, the joy of sex at all ages, the pain of mismatch libidos in a marriage. All that. Again, it was a meandering mess... but that sort of discussion has never even happened in my household. Dan have you or anyone succeeded in getting your spouse to watch one of Michele Wiener-Davis' Sex Starved Marriage videos? I think it might help in cases where the refusing spouse has sufficient empathy overcome their reluctance to have sex. I asked my wife to watch one of Michele's videos, but I don't think she ever did. I got my wife to watch some. She completely missed the point. She only heard what she wanted to hear. What a f@#$ing bitch. Oh sorry. I guess she isn’t f@#$ing. She is just a bitch.
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Post by Handy on Oct 30, 2018 10:34:34 GMT -5
My W think sex positive books that are written by women are paid for by sex crazed men. In effect, men pay women to write books, based on the man's little head interests.
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 30, 2018 17:29:20 GMT -5
I hope the second speaker gets a lot of success with her "just do it" advice. Maybe there are a lot of couples where once the LL partner is engaged in intimacy they do actually like it.
None of this is universal, though. My ex never enjoyed sex once she was involved, or, if she ever did, she kept it a well guarded secret.
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Post by h on Oct 31, 2018 7:26:11 GMT -5
At least I got to see a grown woman talk candidly about sex for 40 minutes. No embarrassment talking plainly about sexual desire, sexual pleasure, the art of giving and receiving, the joy of sex at all ages, the pain of mismatch libidos in a marriage. All that. Again, it was a meandering mess... but that sort of discussion has never even happened in my household. Dan have you or anyone succeeded in getting your spouse to watch one of Michele Wiener-Davis' Sex Starved Marriage videos? I think it might help in cases where the refusing spouse has sufficient empathy overcome their reluctance to have sex. I asked my wife to watch one of Michele's videos, but I don't think she ever did. As many here have said before: We can only change ourselves. We can't change our partners. If they don't want to change, nothing we do will change that fact. There's no book you can make them read or video you can make them watch that will make a bit of difference if they don't want to change first.
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Post by Dan on Oct 31, 2018 14:48:38 GMT -5
My W think sex positive books that are written by women are paid for by sex crazed men. Tell your wife she has it wrong: when a "sex crazed man" gets crazy enough to pay a woman for services his wife will not perform, it is NOT writing books...
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Post by bballgirl on Oct 31, 2018 18:02:51 GMT -5
My W think sex positive books that are written by women are paid for by sex crazed men. In effect, men pay women to get what some want, based on the man's little head. If she isn’t interested in your sexuality than your sexuality is none of her business. Find someone that is interested and will enjoy it with you. She is clueless and selfish.
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Post by Handy on Oct 31, 2018 19:33:05 GMT -5
Bballgirl, I am open to a friendship with other local women and maybe more. I found some "friend zone" women but it hasn't advanced past that. Still, it is better than nothing. I don't push things because I don't want to pressure anyone. Also some women I know "I" keep in the friend zone because I don't think anymore than an occasional friend situation would work out. Things have to benefit both people for more than a friend situation to work. If I ever heard someone local was in a SM, it would be very tempting to fish with something more exciting than plain old boring bait.
My W likes her political choices and I don't even tell her that she is overlooking in some other candidates. Her mind is made up based on what she sees on TV. I don't match the persuasion skills the TV advertisers have so I just let her talk about why some political candidate is the best choice.
There is a correlation between her above choices. Her opinion is mostly fixed and no or little additional information is going to change her opinion.
OTH, my W said she didn't have to worry about me having an affair because "no one would want me and that I don't have any money." So maybe these books and articles are all just a bunch of bunk/BS, and she is right. (wink)
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Post by Handy on Nov 1, 2018 0:39:49 GMT -5
The 3 Things We Get Wrong About Sex, Love & Monogamy | Dan Savage
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