|
|
Post by northstarmom on Sept 25, 2018 0:47:24 GMT -5
From The Washington Post "According to a new study (based on 11 separate experiments), the 40-question diagnostic test for narcissism can often be skipped in favor of a single, blunt question. Are you a narcissist? Together, the 11 experiments showed that individuals who scored high on the old evaluation were very likely to respond in the affirmative. "It's pretty cool actually, because narcissists aren't afraid to tell you they're narcissistic," said Brad Bushman, co-author of the study and a professor of communication and psychology at The Ohio State University. "If you ask people whether they have casual sex or take drugs, they're not likely to be honest with you. But narcissists just aren't ashamed of their narcissism," he said, "And they'll tell you so." The results do seem like common sense: By definition, narcissists are egotistical, self-focused, and vain. It would follow that a true narcissist wouldn't see self-absorption as something negative. And because narcissists tend to lack empathy, they'd probably have trouble understanding why a desire to put themselves first should be seen as a negative trait." www.washingtonpost.com/news/speaking-of-science/wp/2014/08/05/you-only-need-a-one-question-test-to-identify-a-narcissist/?utm_term=.77e01d3651cf |
|
|
|
Post by warmways on Sept 25, 2018 17:58:31 GMT -5
That’s so interesting. My h told me he was a narcissist. I had a lot of books on narcissism which he read.
|
|
|
|
Post by choosinghappy on Oct 2, 2018 20:25:27 GMT -5
“I’ve seen that the most harmful belief a person can have is that they’re superior to others.”
My STBX most definitely believes this and he has started to act accordingly. I’ve learned over the past few months since we separated and he’s become more “himself”, that I kept that part of him in check while we were married. Now it’s just running rampant and he’s basically a huge douche. He’s becoming so unlikable and yet is thinking he’s just better and better. (Or at least, he’s pretending he thinks that.) It’s bordering on nauseating.
|
|
|
|
Post by baza on Oct 2, 2018 21:06:14 GMT -5
This bit - "...they'd probably have trouble understanding why a desire to put themselves first should be seen as a negative trait" I must admit that acting in one's own longer term best interests is not a trait I personally see as a negative either. I guess the devil is in the detail. As it is the recently separated Sister choosinghappy who is the other responder here, I'll base an example on that. Seems to me that Sister choosinghappy , after much agonising, chose to act in her own longer term best interests. And she believes that her best longer term interests do not include staying married to her spouse. This could be seen as "putting herself first". And if it is, so what ? I guess the difference is that the narcissist habitually "puts themself first" without much, if any, regard to the effect it has on other people. Whereas a choosinghappy type is very mindful of the effects of her choice may have on others, and only "put themselves first" after great deliberation and angst. |
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Oct 2, 2018 21:08:33 GMT -5
“I’ve seen that the most harmful belief a person can have is that they’re superior to others.” My STBX most definitely believes this and he has started to act accordingly. I’ve learned over the past few months since we separated and he’s become more “himself”, that I kept that part of him in check while we were married. Now it’s just running rampant and he’s basically a huge douche. He’s becoming so unlikable and yet is thinking he’s just better and better. (Or at least, he’s pretending he thinks that.) It’s bordering on nauseating. I think my wife will also behave the same way once I leave. I predict she will become obnoxious to be around. (At least to family.)
I think her behavior, as bad as it is sometimes, is definitely kept in check by us being together. I predict it will get real ugly after I'm gone. I think then people outside of our marriage will understand what happened to me. I won't have to say a word. Her behavior will do all my talking for me I have a feeling.
|
|
|
|
Post by warmways on Oct 4, 2018 9:15:18 GMT -5
Mine ignores the divorce papers I asked him to sign and my mom did so I’m left with the final resort of having the Sherriff come to the door. I tried like five times to get him to sign and give to my lawyer. This whole thing is so awkward At least I’m beginning what looks to be a loooooooooooooong process
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Oct 4, 2018 9:57:54 GMT -5
Mine ignores the divorce papers I asked him to sign and my mom did so I’m left with the final resort of having the Sherriff come to the door. I tried like five times to get him to sign and give to my lawyer. This whole thing is so awkward At least I’m beginning what looks to be a loooooooooooooong process Ignoring the divorce papers is no different than ignoring your needs,and voice in every aspect of what was supposed to be a "shared relationship".I know it's hard ,but you are better off to be thankful." Thank you Lord for continually showing me that I am making the right decision" No more need to be wondering "what's it like to be someone else's disappointment for 25 yrs?". Keep moving forward. Once a narc. realizes that their manipulative control over your ,love, devotion, caring and trust for them is no longer at their fingertips, what is usually the next highest form of power and control? Money. This is where you do have the power of the court system, your attorney, police ,sheriff, and your support network to back you. Get your therapist to back you in feeling justified in your actions, and do not look back, do not feel guilty for finally leveling the playing field and receiving fair equal treatment. It sounds like your STBX is in for a rude awakening. Get ready , there is nothing like taking someone to court to expose who they really are. |
|
|
|
Post by workingonit on Oct 4, 2018 14:46:51 GMT -5
Mine ignores the divorce papers I asked him to sign and my mom did so I’m left with the final resort of having the Sherriff come to the door. I tried like five times to get him to sign and give to my lawyer. This whole thing is so awkward At least I’m beginning what looks to be a loooooooooooooong process That is shocking to me. And a bit scary. My h amd I had a talk last night. He knows that I am only staying because of an unstable situation with my son. He knows after 9 years of neglect and 18 years of crappy patterns I am all done with him. But he says to me that he has really thought about it and he believes that the BEST thing for ME is to stay with him. He believes we can turn it around and have deep intimacy and love. He believes this is my best chance to have the deep relationship I want. When I disagreed he said "so we are just at an impasse". I could see him refusing to sign papers bc it is not "best" for me. FML |
|
|
|
Post by warmways on Oct 4, 2018 15:08:59 GMT -5
It’s annoying. Maybe he wants me to feel awkward but I don’t think he’s thinking that far. He just wants to keep avoiding and it affects others but he doesn’t care. It’s how he was with my needs my desire for a reciprocal partner.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2018 15:20:50 GMT -5
But he says to me that he has really thought about it and he believes that the BEST thing for ME is to stay with him. He believes we can turn it around and have deep intimacy and love. He believes this is my best chance to have the deep relationship I want. When I disagreed he said "so we are just at an impasse". I could see him refusing to sign papers bc it is not "best" for me. FML Did you tell him that you might know what is best for you a little better than he does? |
|
|
|
Post by workingonit on Oct 4, 2018 21:00:40 GMT -5
But he says to me that he has really thought about it and he believes that the BEST thing for ME is to stay with him. He believes we can turn it around and have deep intimacy and love. He believes this is my best chance to have the deep relationship I want. When I disagreed he said "so we are just at an impasse". I could see him refusing to sign papers bc it is not "best" for me. FML Did you tell him that you might know what is best for you a little better than he does? Yes. He is convinced though. He is running on panic right now, I think. He really does not want our marriage to end. So sad he could not have done this years ago when I could respond. Who knows? We may have even had SEX!! But I doubt it... |
|
|
|
Post by warmways on Oct 4, 2018 22:23:08 GMT -5
Mine panicked as well when I talked about leaving. He promised things would change. He wants you to believe and keep giving him chances until you just accept it.
|
|
|
|
Post by jamesbonding on Oct 15, 2018 17:43:40 GMT -5
earthhorse, call your phone company and explain what happened. It might be possible to get your number back if it hasn't been given to someone else yet. If it has been given to someone else, then the new owner might be willing to give the number back to you (transfer ownership) since they've only had it for a short while.
|
|
|
|
Post by elkclan2 on Oct 16, 2018 6:51:50 GMT -5
Yeah, not so sure about that. Maybe in a clinical setting. Maybe not try this at home. If I asked my mom if she's a narc she'd get very angry. "How could you say this to me?" She has a very strong image of herself as a nice person, who SACRIFICES - she has a really strong martyr complex. She often twists things to show how 'hard done by' she is and how people don't appreciate her enough. In reality though, she never puts herself out for anyone unless there is a big show in it.
|
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Oct 16, 2018 17:23:30 GMT -5
When I told my ex I wanted a divorce she didn't say she wanted to work on things or really do much of anything.
In fact the only tears she shed came when I stated she will need to get a job.
|
|
