Kinda looking forward to this. (You can’t have post trauma until after the trauma stops, right?)
How long does it take during an episode before you remember you busted out and are better now?
My husband now is a disabled combat vet with pretty severe PTSD. He has things that are an ongoing behavior and then he'll have episodes like you are describing. For me, mine seem more of ongoing issues, ongoing insecurity. If someone says something that "triggers" me, I might feel upset and sad and somewhat depressed and then angry. And that can be from few hours to several days before I feel ok and dont think of it as much. I honestly didnt even truly think of them as episodes until I just typed this.
Post by caballotierra on Feb 9, 2020 21:19:39 GMT -5
Oh hell yes. It's definitely a thing. You bet there's gonna be PTSD symptoms. Did you notice how shocking it was when people liked you? I couldn't believe how nice people were being. Turns out people are always just that nice to other people, and I was conditioned to believe otherwise. I told my therapist once that I kept feeling like I was "going to get in trouble." She really made me look at that and realize I had internalized my W's critical voice. Any decision I made, i felt like she was over my shoulder telling me it was the wrong choice to make. Voices in your head sounds like PTSD.
It was only after I left that I was able to name it as an abusive relationship. She laughed derisively when I said this to her once. But I absolutely name it: emotional abuse, physical abuse, and financial abuse. I didn't realize the last one was a thing, but first time I read an article on it, my jaw dropped.
I read many an article about marriages, relationships, sex, intimacy, narcissism, SM's, red flags, positive signs, etc... and discuss them with my woman.
Now that I am going into my 2nd year of a new relationship, after my divorce, I find myself repeating the same opening line to my woman. "That reminds me of what my ex used to do/not do to me." Or "I remember how my ex used to do this.... or say this".
The way my woman responds is so helpful!
Then replies " I don't understand that? These woman who don't want to have sex with their husband". Or " that's very wrong, you're not like that, you don't treat me like that. Yeah... she's got lots and lots problems in how your ex treats people".
I'm also conscience of bringing it up less and less, and focusing on the positive here and now. The healing continues.
Greatcostal I'm also conscience of bringing it up less and less, and focusing on the positive here and now.
One sure way to mess up a good relationship is to bring up how your XW treated you. Your new woman is not your XW and maybe your new woman gets tired of hearing about your XW.
Please accept your new woman for what SHE is and what she BRINGS to the current and future relationship.
I hear you, but I think you missed the point. A time for healing can require having the right person who cares enough to understand what you are going through and also encourage you to move beyond it. It's a process. One that also takes discussing how 'the past' affects your here and now.
For me this is also a two way street. My woman has her own past that I listen to ,and help her to move beyond, as we continue to heal each other. Many times we can both agree that we suffered through similiar circumstances, when it comes to the disrespectful, unjust ways we where treated by our ex's, and that we will not let that happen again.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
worksforme2: some better and some worse,..virus seems to be slowing down, but people are beginning to refuse to stay inside,...worst thing I see is Biden leading in the election poles,...but that could be fake news
Apr 20, 2020 16:56:22 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Politics? Is that what we want to happen here?
Apr 21, 2020 6:21:24 GMT -5
petrushka: Certainly not American style politics. Toxic echo chambers.
Apr 23, 2020 16:21:52 GMT -5
petrushka: However, I feel that sexual politics, including political moves that impact the relationships between gender (misogynist, misandrist, etc) definitely deserve room in this context.
Apr 23, 2020 16:22:59 GMT -5
fred: just calculated that i've spent somewhere near 19,000 days (& nights) as a "rejectee".AND that allows for 2,000+ days (& nights) on business travel apart from her. i've chosen to "stay" .....would never do that again, and can't as you see doing the math
May 15, 2020 18:01:15 GMT -5
worksforme2: 19000 days and nights,....damn dude, that's 52 yrs.
Jun 17, 2020 9:19:10 GMT -5
fred: you're a little short works - was thinking this AM, there has NEVER been a day when she indicated desire for me physically (other than for heavy lifting or finance)........LOL...........earlier, i had enough libido for both of us, now i'm left with guilt
Jun 20, 2020 13:11:12 GMT -5
fred: over imposing myself on her rather than simply leaving .....DAMN LOVE ANYWAY !
Jun 20, 2020 13:12:12 GMT -5
mesulina: update everyone, still has not happened. I have now come to accept that I will live with out. It is just different now.
Jun 29, 2020 19:32:31 GMT -5
worksforme2: Sorry mesulina,... but on the positive side you did stock up on toys a short time back,..now might be the time to go for the gusto
Jun 30, 2020 17:42:54 GMT -5
grower: Embrace a change, you will wonder why you waited so long
Jul 9, 2020 11:22:56 GMT -5
grower: Your life clock is ticking away, don't waste all your time. Live some.
Jul 24, 2020 9:53:20 GMT -5
fred: blue guy, i was where you are 30 years ago. stayed.................nothing changed. if i didn't love this nice lady so much i'd be in deep regret. if she doesn't think of you in a hundred "other" ways (as does my wife) GET OUT ! Life is short
Aug 10, 2020 17:43:15 GMT -5
jerri: Yuk on the plucking chicken feathers. If a chicken doesn't get sex and intimacy she just finds a beautiful cock sooner or later. I'd say there's a much higher "philandering" rate than anyone would care to admit. The rooster who is tormented findsa chicken!
Sept 10, 2020 8:23:56 GMT -5
csl: And yet, there is an entire segment of ILIASM stayers.
Sept 10, 2020 22:04:05 GMT -5
jerri: Exactly I have read multiple threads. I was very impressed with all the different solutions everyone has found. Intellectual group and the camaraderie is nice
Sept 11, 2020 9:44:57 GMT -5
Handy: What happened to being light outside until 9:30 PM? It is 7:30 PM and dark now.
Sept 20, 2020 20:46:01 GMT -5
jerri: It's not hot there? I am getting a slight break from the heat! Cheer up buddy!
Sept 21, 2020 0:27:37 GMT -5
petrushka: Well WE are getting closer to summer. Just passed Equinox. I expect the solar panels will start paying for themselves again in the near future. (over the last few months they have merely mitigated the power bills).
Sept 21, 2020 21:00:36 GMT -5