Kinda looking forward to this. (You can’t have post trauma until after the trauma stops, right?)
How long does it take during an episode before you remember you busted out and are better now?
My husband now is a disabled combat vet with pretty severe PTSD. He has things that are an ongoing behavior and then he'll have episodes like you are describing. For me, mine seem more of ongoing issues, ongoing insecurity. If someone says something that "triggers" me, I might feel upset and sad and somewhat depressed and then angry. And that can be from few hours to several days before I feel ok and dont think of it as much. I honestly didnt even truly think of them as episodes until I just typed this.
Post by caballotierra on Feb 9, 2020 21:19:39 GMT -5
Oh hell yes. It's definitely a thing. You bet there's gonna be PTSD symptoms. Did you notice how shocking it was when people liked you? I couldn't believe how nice people were being. Turns out people are always just that nice to other people, and I was conditioned to believe otherwise. I told my therapist once that I kept feeling like I was "going to get in trouble." She really made me look at that and realize I had internalized my W's critical voice. Any decision I made, i felt like she was over my shoulder telling me it was the wrong choice to make. Voices in your head sounds like PTSD.
It was only after I left that I was able to name it as an abusive relationship. She laughed derisively when I said this to her once. But I absolutely name it: emotional abuse, physical abuse, and financial abuse. I didn't realize the last one was a thing, but first time I read an article on it, my jaw dropped.
I read many an article about marriages, relationships, sex, intimacy, narcissism, SM's, red flags, positive signs, etc... and discuss them with my woman.
Now that I am going into my 2nd year of a new relationship, after my divorce, I find myself repeating the same opening line to my woman. "That reminds me of what my ex used to do/not do to me." Or "I remember how my ex used to do this.... or say this".
The way my woman responds is so helpful!
Then replies " I don't understand that? These woman who don't want to have sex with their husband". Or " that's very wrong, you're not like that, you don't treat me like that. Yeah... she's got lots and lots problems in how your ex treats people".
I'm also conscience of bringing it up less and less, and focusing on the positive here and now. The healing continues.
Greatcostal I'm also conscience of bringing it up less and less, and focusing on the positive here and now.
One sure way to mess up a good relationship is to bring up how your XW treated you. Your new woman is not your XW and maybe your new woman gets tired of hearing about your XW.
Please accept your new woman for what SHE is and what she BRINGS to the current and future relationship.
I hear you, but I think you missed the point. A time for healing can require having the right person who cares enough to understand what you are going through and also encourage you to move beyond it. It's a process. One that also takes discussing how 'the past' affects your here and now.
For me this is also a two way street. My woman has her own past that I listen to ,and help her to move beyond, as we continue to heal each other. Many times we can both agree that we suffered through similiar circumstances, when it comes to the disrespectful, unjust ways we where treated by our ex's, and that we will not let that happen again.
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
worksforme2: Happy Vernal Equinox....Be fruitful and multiply...
Mar 21, 2021 5:18:36 GMT -5
petrushka: Just attended a lecture on local history. Apparently the Presbyterian Scottish refugees who settled here called a 'frolic', what the Amish would call a 'barn raising'. First a working bee, then dancing and feasting.
Mar 25, 2021 22:43:53 GMT -5
jerri: Pressing the like sign for all those comments.
Mar 26, 2021 15:04:52 GMT -5
worksforme2: Lucked onto a great new source for breaking news----The Babylon Bee
Mar 28, 2021 12:47:45 GMT -5
catlover: The resentment is running high today
Mar 28, 2021 18:39:08 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Sorry, dude. I think resentment has been the fuel for action in some SMs. It can be part of a process, eventually helpful.
Mar 30, 2021 4:43:40 GMT -5
Handy: I just read "The Babylon Bee" article "Blockage Cleared, Ships Moving At Record Speed As Chick-Fil-A Workers Put In Charge Of Suez Canal." Good humor.
Mar 30, 2021 16:49:51 GMT -5
worksforme2: Freezing temps in the morning for the next 3 days= no peaches in the fall for me unless I buy them,... 2 yrs in a row...growing my own fruit has proven to be a losing proposition
Apr 1, 2021 16:32:30 GMT -5
Handy: Meet the Feebles=weird!
Apr 1, 2021 18:22:06 GMT -5
jerri: Lots of interesting comments. I am way behind. Sending hugs and a kiss on the cheek💋
Apr 8, 2021 0:11:19 GMT -5
roy: Hi All, I just joined, at 77. I've been in a sexless marriage for too many years ...
Apr 9, 2021 15:26:32 GMT -5
petrushka: G'day Roy, welcome to the place most of us don't want to be. I am sure you will find lots of interesting personal stories and comments and reactions on the forum. Don't be shy about jumping in to talks ...
Apr 9, 2021 15:47:25 GMT -5