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Post by solodriver on Mar 16, 2019 0:38:04 GMT -5
"This is Solodriver Divorce Launch Control. We are at T-Minus 127 Days, 6 Hours, 30 Minutes, 14 Seconds to the planned launch of the Solodriver.
Currently Solodriver is going through his personal things in drawers, closets, boxes and bookcases and getting rid of things that he hasn't used or is not planning to use in his voyage. This is proving to be a more difficult task than originally anticipated as he is finding a lot of sentimental things that he saved from the marriage and his teen years, high school, etc. And quite frankly, there is a lot of stuff to go through. Some things he's decided to save and a lot of stuff he is getting rid of. This will help him conserve space for storage on the spacecraft and keep the weight down for a better launch.
At the present time, weather forecasters see a potential weather storm system that may be in the launch area at the time of launch, which will force the flight controllers to decide if launch is advisable or a delay may be required. That decision will not be made until 3 days prior to launch. Emotionally, Solodriver has good days and not-so-good days. And as the time of launch comes closer, admittedly he is getting nervous and anxious.
One of the next big events in the checklist is contacting lawyers for legal advice that may be expected in this divorce.
This is Solodriver Divorce Launch Control"
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Post by solodriver on Mar 16, 2019 0:46:12 GMT -5
Thought you might want to see the divorce spacecraft on the launch pad.
And yes for you LIS fans, ironically, there is a thought that my refuser could try and cause problems and/or sabotage of the vehicle prior to launch.
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Post by baza on Mar 16, 2019 4:16:48 GMT -5
Brother solodriver. It is somewhat alarming that in the 65 days since your January 10th post, you do not yet have your legal advice. And the clock has run down from 192 days (on Jan 10) to 127. Are you on track with your exit strategy, your support network, your strategy to help the kids through the event ? Are you hitting your deadlines ?
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Post by solodriver on Mar 16, 2019 11:09:16 GMT -5
Baza,
I have no kids so that part is easy. The legal advice has to wait until May because in order to have the discussion with the attorneys I have to get an idea of the financial situation and currently the wife controls that. I want to have that discussion with her without tipping my hand. I'm going to have that discussion with her soon.
I'm working my exit strategy and adding things to it as I figure out what else I need to do.
Unfortunately, I have a very small support network which consists of everyone here and my stepdaughter and her husband. I have shared this with a former co-worker and she is being as supportive as she can be. I have come to the conclusion that I will have to do this, emotionally, on my own. I don't have anyone else I can lean on. So I'm trying to build up myself emotionally to deal with it. That's why I said I have some good days and not-so-good days. But everyday my interactions with my wife confirms to me that I'm definitely on the right path. I'm just living off hope at this point. I realize that unless something changes, I will pretty much have to do this alone.
But I'm still going to do it.
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Post by northstarmom on Mar 16, 2019 11:28:49 GMT -5
You can start widening your support system now by getting involved in some in real life activities and groups without your wife. Therapy also could be part of it.
You don’t need to have complete financial info to consult a lawyer.
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Post by solodriver on Mar 16, 2019 12:22:51 GMT -5
Thanks NSM I want to just get the basic income/expenditures list so I can have an idea how it will shake out for me and if it really is doable for me. That's the reason I don't want to tip my hand. And if it isn't financially doable, I will need to add that to my exit plan to figure out what I can do, which may, ultimately delay the launch. The financial situation is the reason I've been unable to get involved in much outside the home. But I have searched meetup.com just ot have an idea of what's out there.
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Post by choosinghappy on Mar 16, 2019 13:01:05 GMT -5
solodriver When it was time for me to see a lawyer and I needed the breakdown of the income/expenditures, this is how I did it: I told my then-H that someone I knew (coworker/friend/whomever) was having some health problems and it made me realize that I felt uncomfortable being in the dark about our finances because if, god forbid, something happened to HIM, I wouldn’t know where we stood financially, how to access certain accounts because I didn’t have the passwords, etc. He agreed and one afternoon we sat down and typed up a chart on everything and made sure I had access to it all. Done. I had a tidy little chart to bring to lawyer consults and hadn’t tipped my hand to him.
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Post by solodriver on Mar 16, 2019 13:21:27 GMT -5
thank you so much for that choosinghappy. I was still trying to figure out how to approach the subject.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Mar 16, 2019 15:53:18 GMT -5
I was lucky I controlled the finances but I was nice I left him the account with the auto withdrawals and setv up his bill pay. solodriver I don't know if you are keeping the house or selling or she is keeping it. But if its anything but selling make sure to eyeball the bills as they come in assuming you get paper bills and make note of whose name the utilties are in. I totally forgot that step and it was done long ago and most were not paper bills everything was in my name or both I had all the log ins emails came to me. It was a nightmare getting him to get them changed over.
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Post by northstarmom on Mar 16, 2019 16:25:58 GMT -5
A reason to consult with a lawyer ASAP even if you don't know your financials is that there may be laws exist or that will go into effect that would make it important for you to file by a certain time. For instance, you may be months from the time that assets and liabilities would be divided 50:50 in a divorce.
If --as is the case in many areas-- a consultant with a lawyer is free-- you would not lose anything by getting a consultation from one lawyer now and from another lawyer later. Typically it's wise anyway to consult with more than one lawyer before picking the one to handle your divorce.
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Post by solodriver on Mar 16, 2019 17:10:07 GMT -5
I was lucky I controlled the finances but I was nice I left him the account with the auto withdrawals and setv up his bill pay. solodriver I don't know if you are keeping the house or selling or she is keeping it. But if its anything but selling make sure to eyeball the bills as they come in assuming you get paper bills and make note of whose name the utilties are in. I totally forgot that step and it was done long ago and most were not paper bills everything was in my name or both I had all the log ins emails came to me. It was a nightmare getting him to get them changed over. Thanks angeleyes65. Something to add to my exit plan.
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Post by solodriver on Mar 16, 2019 17:12:18 GMT -5
A reason to consult with a lawyer ASAP even if you don't know your financials is that there may be laws exist or that will go into effect that would make it important for you to file by a certain time. For instance, you may be months from the time that assets and liabilities would be divided 50:50 in a divorce. If --as is the case in many areas-- a consultant with a lawyer is free-- you would not lose anything by getting a consultation from one lawyer now and from another lawyer later. Typically it's wise anyway to consult with more than one lawyer before picking the one to handle your divorce. Thanks NSM. I'm planning on consultations with 3 different attorneys.
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Post by baza on Mar 16, 2019 18:10:05 GMT -5
Suggestion for you Brother solodriver For the moment, scrub that countdown clock you are running, but keep the launch date (presumably July 20 2019) as your target, and in effect, start again. And put some measureable targets into it. Like - "by March 20th, I will have rung 3 lawyers. Like - "by March 27th, I will have an appointment with one of them. Like - "by April 3rd, I will fully review the situation in light of the legal information gathered, and in light of what I have been able to establish about the finances" Like - "Any additional financial information the lawyer needs I will have by April 10th" Like - "within 14 days I will have joined a social networking group like meet-up" Like - "by April 17 I will have looked at several places I might be able to live" ..... you get the idea..... You've got to keep yourself accountable Brother solodriver . A countdown clock is pretty meaningless without targets, deadlines, landmarks.
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Post by solodriver on Mar 16, 2019 19:04:10 GMT -5
Thanks baza. I used the countdown clock idea so that I would be accountable to myself and to others here and my exit plan is where I have the individual items to check off as I go along. I will add your ideas to that checklist as well.
The reason I used the space launch idea is because I'm alone in this and this change is my life is as dramatic as a space flight. I may change format later if something in my life changes that would put me mentally in a better place. And you guessed correctly my planned exit date, lol.
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Post by solodriver on May 4, 2019 14:20:49 GMT -5
"This is Solodriver Divorce Launch Control.
T-Minus 70 Days, 6 Hours, 15 Minutes, 30 Seconds and counting. Just passing the 70 day mark and the launch director states that the countdown is on schedule.
I'm currently researching divorce lawyers online so I can contact one for an initial consultation. The relationship between the wife and myself is at a complete emotional disconnect. Whenever she is emotionally distraught about something, I let her go through it and I don't offer any suggestions or input for her. Whenever I can't get away from her when this happens, I keep quiet and stay neutral but caring. I have put up a wall and I remind myself that these are HER issues and I don't have to deal with them. I keep conversations focused on neutral topics such as the house, pets, daily logistics. There's really nothing left to do in our relationship at this point.
The countdown moving along well at this time. T-Minus 70 Days, 6 Hours, 00 Minutes, 15 seconds and counting, this is Solodriver Divorce Launch Control."
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