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Post by northstarmom on Jul 21, 2018 14:30:16 GMT -5
“said:Refused 3 times in the last two days.”
Are you verbally telling her directly how important sex is to you or do you passively accept the rejections? Passivity could lead her to think you don't mind the rejections, that sex isn’t important for you, and her rejections are not putting the marriage at risk.
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Post by ihadalove on Jul 21, 2018 14:43:59 GMT -5
No we've talked at length, so she knows. Ive told her it's how I need to be loved. She's in constant fear I'm going to leave (so she says), so now this pressure is another excuse added to the pile. Today I was told "I just want to have a fun day with you" when I made a naughty suggestion. She's currently glued to video games (with a headache supposedly) and I'm outside enjoying a beer and some nice weather.
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Post by tirefire on Jul 21, 2018 14:53:46 GMT -5
No we've talked at length, so she knows. Ive told her it's how I need to be loved. She's in constant fear I'm going to leave (so she says), so now this pressure is another excuse added to the pile. Today I was told "I just want to have a fun day with you" when I made a naughty suggestion. She's currently glued to video games (with a headache supposedly) and I'm outside enjoying a beer and some nice weather. Omg she has a different definition of fun day than many of us here. A fun day for me means spending at least part of it in bed with my sweetie.
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Post by ihadalove on Jul 21, 2018 14:57:15 GMT -5
Yeah me too. If she spent as much time having sex as she does avoiding it I'd be tired out and telling her to give me a break!
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catsloveme
Full Member
Dwelling in the possible
Posts: 204
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Post by catsloveme on Jul 21, 2018 15:08:19 GMT -5
No we've talked at length, so she knows. Ive told her it's how I need to be loved. She's in constant fear I'm going to leave (so she says), so now this pressure is another excuse added to the pile. Today I was told "I just want to have a fun day with you" when I made a naughty suggestion. She's currently glued to video games (with a headache supposedly) and I'm outside enjoying a beer and some nice weather. Umm... she wanted to have a fun day with you but she’s playing video games? (Also, being glued to a screen probably isn’t going to help her alleged headache.) She’s hiding out emotionally/mentally with the video games. You’ve asked her for attention and this is what you get. I’m sorry. That sucks.
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Post by ihadalove on Jul 21, 2018 15:25:52 GMT -5
Honestly I'm just concentrating on myself right now, and not getting angry or resentful at the rejections. After all, that was her main complaint, and supposed block to intimacy. I'll keep track of it all quietly and see where it is in a while. If I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do and there is no change then that's some information.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 21, 2018 15:54:39 GMT -5
The string of rejections as well as what you'd posted in a different thread (which I've reposted below) indicate that your wife may be asexual. She seems so turned off by sex that I am left wondering why you still are sexually attracted to her, and what keeps you married to her.
Your previous post: "aversion to getting her fluids anywhere (I have to wash my face after oral to get near her, she doesn't touch herself because of ickness, doesn't like the smell/taste) -aversion to semen, can't let it get anywhere on her, the bed, etc, smells terrible, tastes bad -can't have sex with anyone else in the house (it's OUR freakin house!) -can't have sex in anyone else's house -nothing anal related (not that I have a huge thing for it, but this is a huge level of opposition to even any experimentation ever) -dictates positions almost always, usually just missionary. Another layer of refusal. -almost never interested in getting down anywhere but bed -can't handle heavy make out kissing, I get accused of face eating (I'm not bad at it I swear! ) -no blow jobs pretty much, it's too subservient -no phone sex talk, it feels "weird" -opposed to any "random" sexual touch. It's been trained out of me now, if I tried I'd feel like I was committing assault. -other than specific hangups, she can usually come up with a reason to say no to whatever specific thing I ask for. Again, within sex refusal"
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Post by ihadalove on Jul 21, 2018 16:07:36 GMT -5
Maybe, or at least she is until she isn't. She'll get on fire for a few days sometimes, and at that point I'm barely keeping up. And all the excuses, and most of the adversions go out the window. She's enthusiastic, fun, adventurous, and hungry. So yeah, seeing THAT woman, and what it could be between us keeps me attracted. If she was like what you reposted all the time I think I'd feel much differently. I'm on a roller coaster.
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Post by csl on Jul 21, 2018 16:49:13 GMT -5
Yeah me too. If she spent as much time having sex as she does avoiding it I'd be tired out and telling her to give me a break! Question for the end of the day: "So, how was your fun day WITHOUT me?"
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Post by flyingsolo on Jul 21, 2018 17:13:08 GMT -5
Honestly, I've stopped initiating at this point. She's usually in bed by 10 in another bedroom. The subject of our lack of a sex life came up again during a walk the other night. She apparently just wants to go out and have fun together and "date" and talk about other people's problems and completely ignore the fact that our marriage is sexless and not talk about it. Whenever I raise the issue (and I've tried to raise it very politely that I am deeply concerned about it) she gets angry. During the walk I'd finally had enough. She basically yelled (nice and loud so all the neighbors could hear), "What you just wanna go fuck? Is that what you want, for me to fuck you? Fine!" At least I felt like I was getting somewhere....angry sex can be good right?
Sadly no sex thereafter. Maybe for the better? I told her "I guess we're done then". We haven't spoken about it since, yet went out Friday night and actually had a nice time, but again, no sex. Very bizarre times I'm living in.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 21, 2018 17:34:01 GMT -5
Flying solo, your actions are telling your wife that you will be content forever with a wife who is a fun companion but not a sex partner.
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Post by flyingsolo on Jul 21, 2018 17:38:14 GMT -5
She mentioned the other day "You seem to be looking for an excuse to leave our marriage." I believe I already have my excuse do I not?
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 21, 2018 17:41:00 GMT -5
Flying solo, empty threats just shred your cred. If you plan to leave, get a lawyer and start the process to free yourself.If you are just venting, the status quo will remain.
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Post by flyingsolo on Jul 21, 2018 17:55:50 GMT -5
Oh I've already spoken to a lawyer. A divorce will cost me seven figures which slows the roll a bit. Would you be so willing to divorce quickly if it cost you over $1,000,000 and resulted in you only seeing your grade school aged kids a few times a week?
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Post by surfergirl on Jul 21, 2018 18:34:11 GMT -5
flyingsoloYes, I did exactly that. I lost 7 figures and my kids blame me since I filed. I’ll keep you posted how it shakes out.
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