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Post by flashjohn on Jul 18, 2018 11:24:41 GMT -5
Ok, my background is here somewhere, but I am going to give you a brief summary. I am going to use explicit language, so if it bothers you, hit the back button.
Married 28 years. W refused to fuck on the honeymoon. After, we finally got up to 6-8 times per year. Some years were more, but that is about the amount of sex we had. W never gave me a blowjob, and only "allowed" me to eat her pussy about 5-7 times the entire joke of a marriage. She told me that women "just don't get horny," and I should be grateful that such a beautiful woman would ever fuck me at all, and if I complained, she would cut me off because she could take or leave sex. She was also very selfish and abusive, but the glaring lack of decent sex blinded me to much of that. I was taught that if you are always sweet and kind to a woman, she will always respond positively. In Oct, 2008, she had a partial hysterectomy, and I was with her the whole time. In May, 2010, she had her remaining ovary removed. After that, she refused to go back to the doctor to have her hormones checked, and announced that sex was over. If I ever asked, she told me that it didn't matter because my penis didn't work anymore anyway. She continued to verbally abuse me, telling me that I was a horrible husband, all of her friends had better husbands, and she could easily find a better one. I moved out on 2/19/16, and the divorce is STILL pending. After being out for so long, I realized just how horribly abusive she was. I easily work 50-55 hour weeks, and if I wanted to sleep past 10 on a Saturday morning, she would come in and yell at me. She would hit me with every problem she could think of as soon as I came home, and would not shut up until we went to bed. She would scream at me if I spent a penny on myself, while she had secretly saved over $40,000 to keep to herself.
Here is my suggestion of a timeline of rejections. It is just my opinion.
1. If you have not had sex with your spouse in a week, no problem.
2. If you have not had sex with your spouse in two weeks, could be a problem.
3. If you have not had sex with your spouse in a month, definite problem.
4. If you have not had sex with your spouse in six months, huge problem.
5. If you have not had sex with your spouse in a year, you need to ask yourself why you are staying in this relationship.
Just some rules of thumb from an old fool who was taken in by a narcissist.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 18, 2018 11:35:25 GMT -5
You both are extremely attractive! You are a silver fox! Of course you landed a hottie!
As for your timeline: if your fiancée refuses to fuck or even do something leading to orgasms before the wedding: huge red flag.
If s/he refuses to fuck on your wedding night and lacks a major excuse like food poisoning, give ithem one more day of grace.
If day 2 of your honeymoon happens and there are no fucks unless s/he is hospitalized or constantly vomiting or has another major obvious physical problem, get an annulment. Do not give any more chances. Do not worry about embarrassment. Get out while it’s still very easy. That will save you years of misery. You and your spouse are not sexually compatible. Accept that truth and move on.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jul 18, 2018 12:15:30 GMT -5
28 years. It really is amazing what people will put up with AND how heartless some people can be. I'm glad you left flashjohn . Why is the divorce still not finalized though? |
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Post by workingonit on Jul 18, 2018 12:36:14 GMT -5
I think for people to fimd this site they are generally past this timeline. But I agree that it is a good benchmark to follow.
I am so damn happy that things turned around for you. You cannot know how much hearing stories from beyond SM of good sex lives and relationships is a lifeline for me right now! Keep sharing! You all are leading the way!
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Post by flashjohn on Jul 18, 2018 15:30:15 GMT -5
28 years. It really is amazing what people will put up with AND how heartless some people can be. I'm glad you left flashjohn . Why is the divorce still not finalized though? Well, it was filed in January of 17. My first attorney said to give her a while to get used to the idea that I was not coming back. Then her lawyer sent us some discovery in August, 17. I prepared the responses & my atty sent them. My atty was supposed to respond with our discovery, but he did not. I started calling him weekly to see if it had been done. In Early October, he said it had been done. 3 weeks later, I asked about responses, & he said he never sent them. I drafted the documents myself and gave them to him a week later. He said he had sent them. In mid-November, I called the court to see if they had been sent and they had not. I then went to his office to confront him and he admitted that he had not sent them. Lying to a client is bad enough, but it is just a bad idea when your client is also a lawyer.
So I got my file from him and hired another lawyer. She got things moving better, and in December, I received her discovery responses with a letter from her lawyer that she wanted it done quickly. We sent a settlement offer & they sent more discovery responses. We responded & never heard anything. In April, her lawyer complained about discovery responses, so I sent more documents. Finally, in May, her lawyer responded & asked for another offer. I will never bid against myself, so we sent a lower offer. Then he finally responded & we agreed on mediation.
The earliest it could be scheduled for mediation is 8/9/18. It has been a really long road, and I am grateful that Kimmie has been willing to wait for me.
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Post by flashjohn on Jul 18, 2018 15:32:36 GMT -5
You both are extremely attractive! You are a silver fox! Of course you landed a hottie! Thank you very much. She is 45, but I think she looks about 30. I am so grateful that I found her.
And I love your suggestions. On the honeymoon, my refuser told met that she didn't know why the honeymoon had to be about "sex sex sex." I was too dumbfounded to say anything. I should have just stayed quiet, gone home & found a lawyer to get that joke of a marriage annulled.
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Post by flashjohn on Jul 18, 2018 15:34:04 GMT -5
I think for people to fimd this site they are generally past this timeline. But I agree that it is a good benchmark to follow. I am so damn happy that things turned around for you. You cannot know how much hearing stories from beyond SM of good sex lives and relationships is a lifeline for me right now! Keep sharing! You all are leading the way! Thank you. I may have to post my whole story sometime. |
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Post by solodriver on Jul 18, 2018 21:29:32 GMT -5
28 years. It really is amazing what people will put up with AND how heartless some people can be. I'm glad you left flashjohn . Why is the divorce still not finalized though? Next month will be 30 years married, 19 years sexless for me. But the end is coming, at least to the marriage.
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Post by baza on Jul 18, 2018 22:38:02 GMT -5
Agree with Brother flashjohn s trigger dates/times. Unfortunately it actually seems to work out something like this ---- In your twentys you are pretty much oblivious to the looming (or actual) trouble. In your 30's you get distracted by mortgage, kids etc etc and whilst aware of the problem are not in a position to do much. In your 40's you are catching a clue about the looming trouble and may even start doing something about it. In your 50's you are acutely aware of the problem - and might act to end the situation, or resentfully resign yourself to it. Vast majority of the members here are in their 40's - and are at the "catching a clue" stage of the process. And by that stage, the problem has been running probably 10 years minimum. |
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 19, 2018 6:45:43 GMT -5
“Thank you. I may have to post my whole story sometime. ”
Please do. It would educate and inspire.
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