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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 18, 2018 7:07:46 GMT -5
kiddy.org.uk/what-it-means-when-a-narcissist-says-i-love-you/One of the best parts is the ending, what it will be like to get help for that person. It brings back chilling memories of my now ex's cold, blunt answers to questions and constant denial, with an 'always win' attitude, no matter how detrimental to anyone else the cost was. As long as she walked away self absorbed feeling above it all. It's so much nicer to not be around it anymore. It also left me feeling overly cautious of "giving trust' to others. That may take time, and/or friendships with others who are not so toxic.
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Post by warmways on Jul 18, 2018 7:56:01 GMT -5
This was a compelling read. I wish I could give this a thousand likes.
I could relate to everything.
My H lately keeps trying to assess where I am emotionally because I’ve been more focused and driven with my own life. He keeps asking if I’m okay or if I want to talk but it’s not genuine. He merely wants to check where I am emotionally so he will know how to deal with me to his advantage. I’ve just been more focused on work and imagining a different life.
He has no interest of seeing where I work. I’ll have been at my job a year as of tomorrow. He still confuses the name of my supervisor with another coworker even though I mention her name a lot.
He loves to completely ignore, retreat, refuse, shut out etc but when he needs help with anything at all he wants me there 100 and acts hurt and insulted if I’m not there 100%.
I have a healthier relationship with myself and am hoping one day to trust and love another person who shares my values.
Of course I can’t wait to trust again and I’m going to get there but I know it will take a long, long time.
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Post by workingonit on Jul 18, 2018 9:36:46 GMT -5
You know, I have never thought if my h as narcissistic. He certainly does not meet diagnostic criteria. However, warmways , some of that sounds familiar. He is constantly telling me great deatil about what he reading and studying, who his professors are, etc. He talks endlessly about his ideas and philosophy and history. He is very long winded. Yet when I tell him about my work he does not remember my coworkers or thi gs about my job. He never goes with me when I go out with coworkers. When I was studying I would tell him things I wss learning or ask for his help in memorizing a million things and he would literally tell me he is not interested. He does listen more now, I must say. He even remembers things more about my new job and has been asking more qs. Of course, he is in hysterical fixing mode these days so I am taking it all with a grain of salt. |
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Post by beachguy on Jul 18, 2018 14:25:51 GMT -5
workingonit - check out "covert narcissism". See if anything sticks.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 18, 2018 20:02:00 GMT -5
"I love the power I have to take advantage of your kindness and intentions to be nice, and the pleasure I derive when I make myself feel huge in comparison to you, taking every opportunity to make you feel small and insignificant. I love the feeling it gives me thinking of you as weak, vulnerable, emotionally fluffy, and I love looking down on you for your childlike innocence and gullibility as weakness." I relate to this in my behavior and attitude with my tenants. I was an easy push over, always concerned with making them happy. Always wanting to give someone else a break. The customer is always right. ( I had that drilled into me with years of working retail, customer service).For the first beginning years of owning real estate and being a landlord was more an "investment- a side adventure- not a livelihood" Almost like my relationship in my SM with my covert narc ex. Now ,after the divorce things have changed and I am being forced to change with it. ( just like my family did) My livelihood is now dependant on me being a landlord and owning investment homes. My vocabulary is changing. More of my communication is done in writing , numbers, deadlines and documents. These people that I cared about, I now care about in a different way. I am having to tell my tenants " your daughter needs to learn some life lessons, and quickly. This will not be tolerated. Good luck finding anyone who will put up with such behaviors." My insurance doesn't cover those things call and check on your renters insurance". "Whose red Grand Am is that on the lawn, why is it there?" Honestly-- I am dreading the 3 day notices taped to the door. I feel that day is coming ( I have to do it for myself) Positive things. believing in myself and simply receiving what is rightfully mine, what should have been happening all during my failed marriage. Here's to learning and growing. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 18, 2018 21:02:54 GMT -5
He loves to completely ignore, retreat, refuse, shut out etc but when he needs help with anything at all he wants me there 100 and acts hurt and insulted if I’m not there 100%. I have a healthier relationship with myself and am hoping one day to trust and love another person who shares my values. Of course I can’t wait to trust again and I’m going to get there but I know it will take a long, long time. As your H's health continues to dwindle where is his family? Does he still have family? Are you going to be his only family? Narcs give zero thought to how they treat you before they need you for 100% medical care, and they still expect you to blindly serve them. You have already seen what happens when you depend on him? He fails. Then denies any failure by seeing it as all your responsibility. Extremely one sided! I personally reached a point where I would not want my spouse any where near me in a time of physical illness. That clock keeps ticking.......It's time to replace such one sided selfishness with someone who will receive from you and give back in return what you truly deserve. |
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Post by warmways on Jul 19, 2018 6:34:31 GMT -5
He jwas just with them on a family vacation. His family loves him and supports him and my mom and sister love and support him. Mu sister thinks the reason he wants to stay with me could be that he’s afraid that he would lose my family if we split. She called to let me know that that would never happen and they would treat him like a member of the family. She said he’s a great guy but you don’t have a romantic relationship and I deserve to have pleasure. My brother and father love him but don’t think he’s good for me.
I would never have to be his sole family.
Yes me too. I don’t want him near me in sickness and in health. He just makes me feel worse every time. I do so much better on my own.
I know it’s ticking. I have to keep moving.
Thank you for your questions.
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Post by warmways on Aug 16, 2018 18:01:35 GMT -5
I’m out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2018 18:05:20 GMT -5
I’m out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ? |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 16, 2018 18:58:33 GMT -5
I’m out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ? She filed! |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2018 20:12:45 GMT -5
Ah, thanks for the paraphrasing. |
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Post by warmways on Sept 10, 2018 14:18:20 GMT -5
I actually filed. It doesn’t seem real yet.
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