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Post by workingonit on May 29, 2018 17:54:40 GMT -5
I was just reading that one! So hot!
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Post by elynne on May 30, 2018 0:13:21 GMT -5
(Can you tell by all my posts today that I’m stuck in the house and bored? 😆) I just read something on the love languages and was curious to see how everyone here ranks them in order of importance for themselves, AND how you think your spouse ranks them. Physical Touch Quality Time Words of Affirmation Acts of Service Gift Giving If my predictions are correct, a lot of people here will rank touch as one of the top ones for themselves but not for their refuser spouses. For me: 10 Physical Touch 8 Words of affirmation 6 Quality time 4 Acts of service 2 Gift giving I’m guessing at h’s. I’m not sure it’s appropriate to ask him to do the test. I’m giving myself some mental space from him while he’s away. I even tried to convince him to stay away an extra day! Acts of service Quality time Gift giving Words of Affirmation Physical touch (I do know he really hates when I give him a compliment or tell him something positive. Sometimes he’ll even scowl and ask ‘why would you say that?’ I’m usually left a bit dumbfounded. Ummm... because sharing a sincere compliment makes me feel good and I thought it would make you feel good. It costs absolutely nothing but can start ripples of happiness. But for h it triggers some sort of angry suspicion. How fucked up is that?! It would be sad but understandable he just didn’t see that I was showing a loving behavior towards him. But that it makes him angry - crazy! I wonder if compliments from other people make him angry or just in the context of a relationship.
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Post by saarinista on May 30, 2018 4:20:43 GMT -5
I couldn't find an online quiz to rank all five, but touch is definitely first for me, probably followed by words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and acts of service. For my wife it is acts of service. And nothing else. www.5lovelanguages.com^there's the quiz Thanks for the link to the quiz. I guess I'll take it. I have to say I'd rather hear "passionate sex" on the list than "acts of service" which conjures images of picking up trash along the roadside, but I'll take it nonetheless.
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Post by elkclan2 on May 30, 2018 5:05:06 GMT -5
For me touch, quality time, words of affirmation hang around in the top 3 - then acts of service and gifts - barely at all. My partner is about the same. What I think the love language quiz is missing is how we like to SHOW love, because I think this can be different based on how we were raised, etc. My partner is huge on GIVING acts of service - but he's very generous with touch and words and quality time, too. I really, really appreciate the acts of service stuff that he does for me, even though it doesn't rank as highly on my list when I take the quiz. I feel really taken care of by him.
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Post by elynne on May 30, 2018 6:59:17 GMT -5
For me touch, quality time, words of affirmation hang around in the top 3 - then acts of service and gifts - barely at all. My partner is about the same. What I think the love language quiz is missing is how we like to SHOW love, because I think this can be different based on how we were raised, etc. My partner is huge on GIVING acts of service - but he's very generous with touch and words and quality time, too. I really, really appreciate the acts of service stuff that he does for me, even though it doesn't rank as highly on my list when I take the quiz. I feel really taken care of by him. Interesting! I think how we show love is indeed missing! I don’t expect gifts, though can be hurt if I’m snubbed. Mother-in-law will buy a nice gift for each family member for Christmas. Wine for my brother-in-law, a book for another brother-in-law. I got a 99 cent reusable shopping bag! 🤣 Whatever dude! But I think it’s nice to pick up little thoughtful things for the people I care about. Oh! I saw this and knew you’d like it. Or you broke the beer mug that had been your granddad’s and were so heartbroken - so I found the exact same one on eBay. I know it’s not his, but at least you’ll still think of him when you use it. So we very well may feel loved in some languages but show it in others. I think Love Languages should be expanded to cover how we feel loved AND how we express love! Acts of service is low on my receiving love list, but I make a crazy cool cake for my daughter’s birthdays because they love it and it shows them how special they are to me. They research, design, draw their cake. And I create it.
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Post by WindSister on May 30, 2018 7:15:46 GMT -5
Just took the test again and I've slightly changed.
Touch and quality time are tied. Then words of affirmation. Then acts of service. Then gifts.
What changed is quality time tying with touch and affirmation dropping. Maybe a sign I'm more secure in the rekationship and don't need the words as much, but definitely will always need touch and quality time.
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Post by elynne on May 30, 2018 7:38:10 GMT -5
Just took the test again and I've slightly changed. Touch and quality time are tied. Then words of affirmation. Then acts of service. Then gifts. What changed is quality time tying with touch and affirmation dropping. Maybe a sign I'm more secure in the rekationship and don't need the words as much, but definitely will always need touch and quality time. I think if we’re ‘starved’ for one of our love languages it would make sense that it becomes more prominent in what we need. A bit like one might crave citrus when dealing with Scurvy or water becomes essential when you’re dehydrated. Once those needs are sufficiently met the urgency recedes. Love languages may be a bit like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? Not fixed, but may change as we develop or grow. That said, I certainly am NOT saying that one could or should ever expect one’s partner’s love language to change to better suit you!
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Post by elkclan2 on May 30, 2018 9:30:08 GMT -5
Yes, even though gifts are low on my list - doesn't mean I don't like them!
Cool cake!!!
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Post by elynne on May 30, 2018 10:54:53 GMT -5
Yes, even though gifts are low on my list - doesn't mean I don't like them! Cool cake!!! Thanks! Italian lemon meringue buttercream icing! So smooth and fluffy! Delicious! And it’s cool to teach the kids how to make a cake from scratch.
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Post by shamwow on Jun 1, 2018 10:23:44 GMT -5
Here is something interesting. I took this last year and again today. I got very different results: 6/8/2017 11 Words of Affirmation 10 Physical Touch 5 Quality Time 4 Acts of Service 0 Receiving Gifts 6/1/2018 9 Physical Touch 9 Quality Time 8 Words of Affirmation 4 Acts of Service 0 Receiving Gifts What I find intersting is when I was in my SM - I was practically screaming out loud for someone to say something, anything, that didn't make me feel stupid, unattractive, and repulsive. - I craved physical touch since it had been absent for about two decades. - I sure as fuck didn't want quality time with the person responsible for making me feel like shit and treating touch like it was radioactive. Fast forward a year...I've been with ballofconfusion for almost all of that year. Now my love languages are pretty much in a three way tie. - I still crave physical touch. Much of that is probably my natural libido. Some of it surely comes from the fact we only see each other every two weeks. Although when together, those times are physically intense. - The fact quality time shot up so much really surprised me. But it really shouldn't. BOC isn't just my lover. She is my best friend. I spend more quality time with her 1300 miles away in a day than I did with my ex in a month. Technology allows us to text, call, video, and fly back and forth. I NEED time with BOC. I've never felt that need with anyone else before. - It shouldn't surprise me that my need for words of affirmation has decreased. The reason for this is simple. There is no more "why chasing" (it was my ex, not me - duh) and BOC makes an incredible effort to make me feel appreciated, competent, and needed. As for acts of service? I'm pretty independent and don't mind working hard. Having someone do things for me almost makes me feel uncomfortable. Gifts? Fuck gifts. You can't "buy" love, and I get suspicious about anyone who ranks high on that one. Just my opinion, of course.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jun 1, 2018 11:33:15 GMT -5
Thanks for posting, h. I actually didn't even know there was a quiz, I was just ranking mine in order of what I thought. But turns out, I was right. My results: 11 Physical Touch 8 Quality Time 6 Words of Affirmation 3 Acts of Service 2 Receiving Gifts
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2018 12:28:14 GMT -5
OK, if we are posting scores choosinghappy: 11 Physical Touch 8 Quality Time 6 Words of Affirmation 3 Receiving Gifts 2 Acts of Service Hmmmm.
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Post by darktippedrose on Jun 2, 2018 1:49:17 GMT -5
9 physical touch 8 quality time 8 words of affirmation 5 acts of service 0 receiving gifts
some of these questions, I really wanted to pick both lol.
I like to receive gifts, who doesn't, but I'm also a cuddlebunny too. And while I do appreciate someone who helps out with the billz and the house. It would help out, But being touched and held and nice words are more important.
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Post by flyingsolo on Jun 2, 2018 19:32:50 GMT -5
Your Scores
11 Words of Affirmation 10 Physical Touch 5 Acts of Service 4 Quality Time 0 Receiving Gifts
So apparently I really like compliments/support and sex. I am definitely not an insecure person (at least I don't see myself as one, present sexless marriage issues excluded), so the first one surprised me until I thought about some of the conversations my wife and I recently had. She basically completely devalued me building a successful business, building her a beautiful house, etc. by indicating that "none of that matters to her". She's the one that wanted to build the new house btw. I was perfectly happy living in the old one. I'm sure some of my feelings over being irked about her comments weighed on my response (i.e. not feeling like I have a supportive spouse right now). I would normally probably rank physical touch as the most important. I was surprised quality time was ranked so low. Maybe if I was having more sex, physical touch would be lower on the list and quality time would be higher?
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jun 2, 2018 22:34:35 GMT -5
Your Scores 11 Physical Touch 7 Words of Affirmation 6 Quality Time 5 Receiving Gifts 1 Acts of Service
I agree with the take on this quiz that what we are missing the most will be the most urgent. I can do my own services and that independence is why that one is low. I love little...."I found this on the sidewalk today and thought of you" type of surprise (and cheapy) gifts. I've never had anything truly expensive bought for me, so expensive gifts actually make me uncomfortable.
But, yeah, I think the results are pretty right-on for my default settings. Touch, authentic talk, and time together are what I would agree are enough main ingredients to make a good relationship out of.
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