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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 10, 2018 16:54:20 GMT -5
Are children really a good reason to be sexless? or for having children with special needs or mental illness a really good reason.
I guess I should be used to it by now, but I notice that as soon as someone knows my children are autistic, it's somehow ok that my husband touches everyone but me.
And then theres the statistics that say most husbands/fathers leave and that you should be grateful if they stay.
do others have this same issue?
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Post by hopingforachange on Apr 10, 2018 17:03:36 GMT -5
No, it is fucked up that he touches everyone but you.
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 10, 2018 17:45:41 GMT -5
“ I guess I should be used to it by now, but I notice that as soon as someone knows my children are autistic, it's somehow ok that my husband touches everyone but me. “
From what you have posted about your life, most of The adults in your life are selfish, neglectful or narcissistic. The few that aren’t are people who have such low expectations of fathers that they think your husband is a saint for not abandoning you and your joint children. Probably the same people who arranged your marriage with your loser of a husband think he’s a great guy for remaining married to you. Those people don’t care that he treats you like shit.
You deserve to be treated with respect, consideration and to have a husband who loves you emotionally and physically.
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Post by baza on Apr 10, 2018 18:15:29 GMT -5
In my jurisdiction, the divorce rate is about 36% of all marriages (source = 2016 census) However, under the additional strain of having a child with a disability, the divorce rate skyrockets, to nearly 70%....nearly double the "average" rate. But, specific to your situation Sister darktippedrose , it appears that your spouse being an oxygen thief of a person is the key and over riding factor, and the fact that he "stays around" is hardly what I'd regard as a virtue.
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Post by tirefire on Apr 10, 2018 19:07:04 GMT -5
You do not deserve to have your man treat you like shit, regardless of children and their health or condition. You deserve a man who loves you, can't keep his hands off of you and longs to be with you. Do not doubt yourself. This SM is doing a job on your head. Fight back. Lots of people here to help you fight this. (Hug)
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Post by ihadalove on Apr 10, 2018 20:14:03 GMT -5
There are no good reasons to be sexless.
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Post by surfergirl on Apr 10, 2018 20:21:01 GMT -5
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Post by ihadalove on Apr 10, 2018 20:25:11 GMT -5
Survivors will need love too!
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Post by WindSister on Apr 10, 2018 21:08:08 GMT -5
No.
The heart of the matter has nothing to do with that question, though, and everything to do with self worth and self empowerment.
Good luck.
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Post by saarinista on Apr 11, 2018 12:19:52 GMT -5
darktippedrose I just have to say I've read many of your posts and I worry about you in your marriage. It sounds frankly abusive and dangerous to you. My hope is that you can find a supportive therapist who will help you see that and if appropriate, help you make a new life for yourself that nurtures you. Because it sounds like your husband is hurtful and only wants to abuse you. I'm assuming you don't have your own checking account so going to a paid therapist would be an issue. If so, you might check with your local health department, explain your situation and ask for a referral to a clinic that works on a sliding fee scale, or even provides free therapy for women in your situation. You might also check with a domestic violence non profit for recommendations or referrals to therapists who deal with women in abusive situations. You don't have to be acually beaten to be abused, you know.
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 11, 2018 14:41:30 GMT -5
I agree with Saranista and have been alarmed at your situation even when we were both on EP and you said your h had been on an FBI watch list and had expressed support for terrorists.
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Post by darktippedrose on Apr 11, 2018 15:27:53 GMT -5
I have a bank account. I cut off our joint account YEARS ago because .....bad things happened. Its incredibly difficult to talk to a therapist and be low-income. Incredibly hard. with limited transportation is incredibly hard and keeping it from my husband.
but anyways
its pretty hard to do that.
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 11, 2018 16:25:36 GMT -5
I see that there is online psychotherapy available with licensed counselors and price starts at $35/week here, a site that says it also offers financial aid: betterhrlp.com.
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Post by Apocrypha on Apr 12, 2018 13:20:26 GMT -5
Are children really a good reason to be sexless? or for having children with special needs or mental illness a really good reason. I guess I should be used to it by now, but I notice that as soon as someone knows my children are autistic, it's somehow ok that my husband touches everyone but me. And then theres the statistics that say most husbands/fathers leave and that you should be grateful if they stay. do others have this same issue? Aren't you in the same marriage, parent to the same child? How do you feel? What statistics? Most divorces by far, statistically speaking - are initiated by women.
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Post by saarinista on Apr 12, 2018 23:52:16 GMT -5
I have a bank account. I cut off our joint account YEARS ago because .....bad things happened. Its incredibly difficult to talk to a therapist and be low-income. Incredibly hard. with limited transportation is incredibly hard and keeping it from my husband. but anyway its pretty hard to do that. Okay, hearing all of this, I would just suggest that you contact an organization that serves victims of domestic violence. What I'm reading is very distressing and I'm afraid that you and your kids are going to end up in a very bad way if you don't get out of this "marriage." Sex is the least of your problems from what I'm reading, sister@darktippedrose . I don't even see any kind of love or civility in what you're describing. Why are you in this relationship? I suspect you know what you need to do.
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