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Post by greatcoastal on May 23, 2016 17:37:40 GMT -5
Doing nothing is doing something. not choosing is a choice. Not reacting is a reaction. not participating is participation. By not changing you are changing things. not speaking says a lot . |
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2016 17:39:03 GMT -5
I think sometimes in life you do just have to make a choice and go for it without necessarily knowing it is indisputably right. Amen to that, unmatched. And probably, ultimately, nothing is indisputably right (or wrong, for that matter). |
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Post by unmatched on May 23, 2016 17:39:33 GMT -5
Doing nothing is doing something. not choosing is a choice. Not reacting is a reaction. not participating is participation. By not changing you are changing things. not speaking says a lot . Is that Lao Tse?  |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 23, 2016 17:53:17 GMT -5
Doing nothing is doing something. not choosing is a choice. Not reacting is a reaction. not participating is participation. By not changing you are changing things. not speaking says a lot . Is that Lao Tse? I have no idea! Just my simple mind. Some of my latest thoughts to standing up for my self, and facing change. |
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Post by baza on May 23, 2016 21:22:38 GMT -5
All anyone can do in these circumstances is to make a fully informed choice.
A FULLY INFORMED choice.
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It behoves anyone in our common situations to fully check out the options.
#1 - staying (perhaps with the outsourcing element)
#2 - leaving
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If you reject the leaving option out of hand without fully researching it, then you are NOT making a FULLY INFORMED choice.
Just as true is that if you reject the staying option without fully researching the implications of that choice, then again you are NOT making a fully informed choice.
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It is incumbent on us to make a FULLY informed choice.
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Then, you've got to own that choice, and live it.
No bleating about it, no qualifications to it. You own it.
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Staying is a legitimate choice.
Leaving is a legitimate choice.
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Your call.
But bear in mind you don't get a pass, no-one does. You don't get to "sit this one out".
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2016 22:46:57 GMT -5
But bear in mind you don't get a pass, no-one does. You don't get to "sit this one out". What does this mean? I don't understand. I wasn't going to reply, but it's been bothering me for a few days now baza. No one here is sitting anything out. We're all pondering the big questions. And doing the best we can, one day at a time. I guess I just took this last bit to heart and it hurt. Maybe you didn't mean it the way I took it. I'm going to assume that. But it did raise my defenses. I have to admit. |
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Post by baza on May 28, 2016 0:50:59 GMT -5
The use of "you" here is pejorative Sister elle - it is not directed at you personally.
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In the context of a dysfunctional marriage, you have 2 choices.
#1 - to stay in the dysfunctional situation (the status quo)
#2 - to remove yourself from the dysfunctional situation.
Both, are perfectly valid choices.
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Many people (myself included back in the day) think -
"I don't think too much of the idea of staying in the dysfunctional situation with its' dearth of emotional connection and other problem, so I am not willingly going to choose that"
and at the same time think -
"I don't think too much of the leaving choice either. The disruption and intimidating logistics of that choice, plus the arguements and stigma and sheer difficulties involved mean that I am not willing to choose that".
onward to
"I cannot choose between #1 and #2 so I will not choose. I will sit this one out".
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Thing is, under this circumstance, the status quo - the present situation - prevails
You stay.
And you will wear the consequences of that choice just the same as if you had willingly chosen it.
You don't get a pass on choice. No-one does.
One way or another, you choose.
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2016 21:28:49 GMT -5
Thank you for clearing that up so respectfully, baza. I am glad I asked and I no longer take it personally or feel defensive about it. |
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2016 1:04:35 GMT -5
I actually did leave for awhile and ended up in the same situation- sexless only this time in a crappy apartment missing my kids. In the end I decided it was better to live in my nice house with my kids without sex than living alone without sex.
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