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Post by h on Oct 16, 2017 5:10:49 GMT -5
I am really new to this board and to coming clean about my marriage in general. I don't know anyone else IRL that has this problem. I have literally had my eyes open about the likelihood of this changing from this board. Those options suck! I appreciate the flowchart though. My self work has been critical to get me here. Jen, people you know have this problem, and they also feel alone. I wish there had been a resource like this in 1988, and I would have been spared decades of misery. I wish I had started looking for this in 2008. |
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Post by lifeinwoodinville on Oct 16, 2017 9:12:45 GMT -5
I am really new to this board and to coming clean about my marriage in general. I don't know anyone else IRL that has this problem. I have literally had my eyes open about the likelihood of this changing from this board. Those options suck! I appreciate the flowchart though. My self work has been critical to get me here. Everyone I know in real life that is also in a sexless marriage took steps to hide it from everyone. Most people are embarrassed to discuss it with others in person. I have found that if you bait them they are actually pretty open to discussing the situation a bit. I now know I have seven friends that are also in sexless marriages, and I suspect others. It's pretty sad. |
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Post by casual777 on Oct 23, 2018 13:38:34 GMT -5
I have done a lot of reading on the topic of ‘sorting out your own shit’ and most positive psychology research lists the same few interventions as being worthwhile doing in the absence of going to therapy formally. They almost always involve journals and lists
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Post by shamwow on Oct 23, 2018 14:12:49 GMT -5
If you have been moved to google "sexless marriage" and ended up here, then your marriage is in extreme - probably terminal - trouble and some very difficult choices confront you. You might get lucky - though the anecdotal evidence in this group does not point to this outcome as being very likely. You might get a bit of tawdry short term re-set sex - that is a reasonably common outcome. You might not get any meaningful response at all - that's pretty common. I am really new to this board and to coming clean about my marriage in general. I don't know anyone else IRL that has this problem. I have literally had my eyes open about the likelihood of this changing from this board. Those options suck! I appreciate the flowchart though. My self work has been critical to get me here. How many of your friends know you are in a sexless marriage. I didn't know anyone until I filed for divorce. Then I was amazed at how many of us there were in just my immediate circle. Edit: lol didn't realize why this thread was from last year. @workingonit you should re read these and see how far you've come. |
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Post by casual777 on Dec 12, 2020 18:37:42 GMT -5
The good thing about doing all the work on managing my mood , my health and my outlook is that if she is unreasonable or withholds sex for say a month I simply refuse to give her a free pass . Withholding isn’t because I am crap to be with , I am unambitious , or I don’t help around the house . It’s her not me, and I am free to pursue another encounter that ll stop me feeling undesired until she is ready to desire me again
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Post by jerri on Dec 13, 2020 3:50:32 GMT -5
The good thing about doing all the work on managing my mood , my health and my outlook is that if she is unreasonable or withholds sex for say a month I simply refuse to give her a free pass . Withholding isn’t because I am crap to be with , I am unambitious , or I don’t help around the house . It’s her not me, and I am free to pursue another encounter that ll stop me feeling undesired until she is ready to desire me again How do you handle that decision? What do you do to take care of yourself?😃 |
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Post by deadzone75 on Dec 17, 2020 23:41:38 GMT -5
There might be no need to "work on your own stuff". I'm sure that's what a refuser might want you to believe, though, that it's you and not them...and something for you to sort out on your own time. In some situations, this list could be shortened by removing 2 and 3.
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Post by padgemi on Dec 18, 2020 7:25:32 GMT -5
There might be no need to "work on your own stuff". I'm sure that's what a refuser might want you to believe, though, that it's you and not them...and something for you to sort out on your own time. In some situations, this list could be shortened by removing 2 and 3. “Work on your own stuff” for me was not about ‘How can I be a better husband’ or ‘how can I serve her better.’ FUCK NO! The opposite. It was about being a better SELF to myself and learning how I was no longer going to be OWNED by that heartless @&7x/-). So I would suggest, if applicable, keep #2 with that in mind and skip #3. |
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Post by isthisit on Dec 18, 2020 17:47:26 GMT -5
There might be no need to "work on your own stuff". I'm sure that's what a refuser might want you to believe, though, that it's you and not them...and something for you to sort out on your own time. In some situations, this list could be shortened by removing 2 and 3. “Work on your own stuff” for me was not about ‘How can I be a better husband’ or ‘how can I serve her better.’ FUCK NO! The opposite. It was about being a better SELF to myself and learning how I was no longer going to be OWNED by that heartless @&7x/-). So I would suggest, if applicable, keep #2 with that in mind and skip #3. I fell deeply into this trap too. If only I could be a little more perfect surely I would get the guy I married back? Completely forgetting that I had a duty of care to myself. Now I am wiser #2&3 doesn’t get on the list. It took me far too long to learn the lesson but by goodness, I’ve learned it good now. Too bad about that lost decade. |
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