Lessons Learned from "Dating."
Jul 30, 2017 10:52:33 GMT -5
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GeekGoddess, greatcoastal, and 11 more like this
Post by Caris on Jul 30, 2017 10:52:33 GMT -5
I use the word dating loosely because I haven't actually gone on a date, and met a man face to face, but the past month or two has taught me a lot...about myself.
1. I believed after two years of healing, I was ready to date. I'm not. That two years was just the time needed to recover from the terrible pain and heartache of loss, and to gain some mental and emotional strength to deal with the problems life throws my way. The inner work required to deal with the baggage I'm left with has only just begun.
2. What helped me see this is actually joining OKC. As I answered questions for their profile, it really made me think deeply about who I really am, and what I want, but before this, someone I met in real life (an acquaintance of a friend) asked me what music I liked. I didn't have a clue. I stood there thinking, and said, "I don't know." He said, " you must know, come on tell me." He asked about three times because he couldn't believe that I didn't know. That was a very revealing moment for me because I'd realized how much of myself I'd lost over 25-years of misery, and I didn't even know things about myself.
The OKC questionnaire made me think deeply. Slowly, I started to recall the music that I liked in the past, and not just music, but so many things in life that I'd forgotten about.
My job is not to get to know someone else at this time, my job is to get to know myself. Learn about who I really am, what I like, my interests. It's like the me that I was has been buried under layers of suffering and depression for so long that now I have to dig, but not to recover the old me as much, but to discover the me I am now.
3. One month of talking to a man who took the time to get to know something of my life, gave me a sense of relief, like a weight was lifting from my shoulders, unfortunately I ended that, and details don't matter here, but I know it takes mental energy and effort to talk about myself to someone new, and I don't have the mental energy or desire to keep doing that repeatedly through dating different men. I need that energy to get myself together first, but I do feel that weight on my shoulders returning since I ditched the "friend." His support and patience was like a balm to a weary soul, until it wasn't, but still it was nice to have it for a few weeks while going through high stress.
1. I believed after two years of healing, I was ready to date. I'm not. That two years was just the time needed to recover from the terrible pain and heartache of loss, and to gain some mental and emotional strength to deal with the problems life throws my way. The inner work required to deal with the baggage I'm left with has only just begun.
2. What helped me see this is actually joining OKC. As I answered questions for their profile, it really made me think deeply about who I really am, and what I want, but before this, someone I met in real life (an acquaintance of a friend) asked me what music I liked. I didn't have a clue. I stood there thinking, and said, "I don't know." He said, " you must know, come on tell me." He asked about three times because he couldn't believe that I didn't know. That was a very revealing moment for me because I'd realized how much of myself I'd lost over 25-years of misery, and I didn't even know things about myself.
The OKC questionnaire made me think deeply. Slowly, I started to recall the music that I liked in the past, and not just music, but so many things in life that I'd forgotten about.
My job is not to get to know someone else at this time, my job is to get to know myself. Learn about who I really am, what I like, my interests. It's like the me that I was has been buried under layers of suffering and depression for so long that now I have to dig, but not to recover the old me as much, but to discover the me I am now.
3. One month of talking to a man who took the time to get to know something of my life, gave me a sense of relief, like a weight was lifting from my shoulders, unfortunately I ended that, and details don't matter here, but I know it takes mental energy and effort to talk about myself to someone new, and I don't have the mental energy or desire to keep doing that repeatedly through dating different men. I need that energy to get myself together first, but I do feel that weight on my shoulders returning since I ditched the "friend." His support and patience was like a balm to a weary soul, until it wasn't, but still it was nice to have it for a few weeks while going through high stress.