Post by alwaysdenied on Jun 30, 2021 10:46:13 GMT -5
We're in basically the same type situation. I endured the once a month (if lucky) starfish sex she provided but was so confused over it all. Then it went to maybe once quarterly and more reluctant (vocal) starfish obligation. I started looking and found this place. Read up and found out I'm not all alone. Realized how awful things had become if my wife didn't get her way. So I just stopped.
I started on myself. I started working a plan that would have me exit this bad marriage once my last kid graduated and I could live with myself for leaving. I have 3 years. Already lost my dad fat, working on getting in shape. Doing outdoor things by myself because nobody else wants to participate. I make sure to rub a few out each day so I don't have any inclination to make an advance on my wife. I'm past it. The last few times she was very vocal about how she hated me trying to have sex with her and even try to get her in the mood. So now, I just don't.
Become the best person you can be and the plan will make it's self. At 50 it sucks to have to do this, but I plan on the next 50 being how I want it.
Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Jun 30, 2021 10:46:57 GMT -5
Nothing in the past year. I want to say late 2018 and 2019.
Lots of hilarity honestly. I learned alot about OPSEC. I learned a lot about women. But my biggest takeaway is that we are responsible for our own happiness. And our happiness or lack thereof will be reflected in all our interactions with others.
I'm pretty sure I posted some stuff about my online searches. It truly is a jungle out there. But have fun with it if you do decide to step out.
Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Jun 30, 2021 11:21:38 GMT -5
I appreciate the feedback.
I can relate to a lot of what you say. I too took stock of friends and friends-not.
With regards to communication, in my case, I applied a few habits to keep my sanity. There comes a point where looking for opportunities to have "a talk" with your partner is futile. So most conversations are surface level and logistics. I also match energy levels and attention levels. Know your boundaries and hold them. .
I don't engage much when the behavior is unbecoming or she is in a bad mood. I don't care much for whining or the latest conversations with her friends. Thats for her to manage. I do show interest in things she cares about, her health, or her work, finances. But I disengage if it becomes whiny.
That means keeping a list of things that keep you busy. Whether its hobbies or otherwise. I channel a lot of emotional energy towards the kids too. Planning activities with them. Including them in house maintenance and cooking duties. Date night with the daughters. Exercise with the boys. Day trips to local destinations. Reading challenges, conversations about things that interest them. There is always lots to do here.
One thing I have found is that she does seem to notice when I get attention from other women. Like we went to starbucks the other day and the baristas tend to get chatty. Or her friends when they havent seen me in awhile make comments (you look great, you working out?). This is not deliberate attention seeking, but its refreshing to get the female attention from time to time.
On the occasions I need to vent, I find other outlets. Exercise, writing, nature. I look to trusted friends on the few occasions I need to get things off my chest. But even then, its managed as I like to keep things mostly positive.
A good post. I enjoyed the update. I sometimes wish people would come back more with an update, and not just vanish. Even if it is hard to hear type stuff.
Very similar to you I am trying to work on me. Covid has not helped as I wanted to travel the world. I wanted a few months away, on my own. Not trying to find me, just trying to get out and meet people, see my friends around the world. Anyway that didn't happen.
My wife is a obsessive worker. Funnily enough the other night I tried, and for the bazillionth time, I failed. I used to get angry in my head when she'd just lay there, locked up in the fetal position, solid as a rock, I'd give up, she'd then say some flimsy comment after I would give up ... I would just ignore it, what do you do I would be saying in my head, be angry. So the last six months I have given up really. I suppose it what she wants, who knows. I suppose it's a case of he leaves me alone.
I have also worked out what friends are true friends, and I no longer associate with, they know why, those that just "took" from me. mentally, physically and more importantly emotionally .. that has helped a lot too.
At some point soon I think I will have an honest chat with my wife, and tell her how I am, how her near constant need to work(she is in mgt at teaching), and be drained, and have nothing left for her family, really risks her having no family very soon. My children love her but come to me for all their main needs, of course their mum is their mum and she is always there for them. This is lovely but often I so dearly want to speak to them about my emotional needs, but you cannot, you are a dad and dads have to stay strong for their children, well I do. My father played away from home many times, and I fully understand why now.
I have spoken to nobody. I tried with my(unloving) mum once and got rebuffed badly by her. I don’t say this for attention but to give you an idea of the way I was raised, I have never had a kiss or cuddle from my parents ever. Not one.
My wife plays a good game, she sent me a text two days ago telling me she loved me so much. How I’m constantly there.
I took one look at it and never gave it the courtesy of a reply. My next message that day to her was a question about my eldest son.
I’m facilitator. She married a mulit-multi-millionaire (there I’ve said it), who on paper came from good stock, doesn’t take crap from anyone, is polite, exciting and delivers …. Good breeding material…. That’s all. She’s never done anything sexy in her life. She’s actually f boring in bed and always has been. Oh and I’ve tried. Boy have I tried.
I was sold a pup! And what’s worse is I f knew it when I did it! I even said on the video at the church “here comes the ball And chain”…. I was so f right.
So no doubt when we do have our chat she will get it all from me.
I just wish I could get on a plane, as my whole family know I’m off. I’ve mentioned it to everyone I’m outta here once NZ and Australia allow a brits to come.
Oops that rant went on a little there sorry about that. Might be because I’m sat here in bed AGAIN facing a “back” and I’ve had enough of feeling the way I do.
Again thanks for a great post. It has woken me up!
lanie: Hello, new here.
Sept 13, 2021 4:47:32 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday obobfla where ever you are.....
Sept 14, 2021 12:30:49 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Hi Lanie, ILIASM ate my welcome from a few days back. Glad you found us.
Sept 15, 2021 18:57:29 GMT -5
worksforme2: My apologies to you baz and your fellow Australians for sleepy Joe forgetting PM Morrisons name...he forgets names on a pretty regular basis. Ask Scott not to take it personal...
Sept 16, 2021 11:42:16 GMT -5
baza: Scott is eminently forgettable so don't worry. Jimmy Carter did the same thing in the 70's with our PM of the time, Fraser.
Sept 17, 2021 18:29:58 GMT -5
worksforme2: One more thing baz...for the immediate future be careful around anyone with a French accent....the frogs are a little miffed at the moment
Sept 18, 2021 15:16:14 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey lessingham.....how is your relationship with that nephew these days?
Sept 19, 2021 11:32:27 GMT -5
worksforme2: I made an appointment to get my booster shot for Covid19. I had to answer all kinds of security questions. Never thought that an imposter might show up and try to get my shot.
Oct 5, 2021 10:01:50 GMT -5
worksforme2: UPDATE: Booster shot try failed...The booster was a Pfizer. My 1st shots were Moderna, so they would not give me the Pfizer booster. Looks like I'll be waiting for a while.
Oct 8, 2021 5:28:32 GMT -5
worksforme2: WOW h, ...you gave my post in Because we all need a laugh the like response 24 times....that must be a record
Oct 12, 2021 19:53:20 GMT -5
jerri: worksforme2 member h Probably has some sort of trojan horse on his phone/computer and it is acting up. I know when mine needs to at least be restarted because I will send the same text multiple times when I only sent one.
Oct 13, 2021 2:02:48 GMT -5
worksforme2: Trojan horse you say...I thought the Greeks chopped that thing up for firewood after they conquered Troy....looks like maybe someone repurposed it....
Oct 13, 2021 8:17:19 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday greatcoastal......
Oct 14, 2021 3:51:08 GMT -5
greatcoastal: Thanks worksforme2! I've got the day off, and will be with my woman this evening!
Oct 14, 2021 6:12:35 GMT -5