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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2017 19:36:34 GMT -5
I don't drink. And although I'd love to claim Jedi master status, I think that would mean I'd have gotten my H to have sex with me more often. So, I can't claim master of anything, sadly. But I love the idea bballgirl! |
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 11, 2017 19:44:53 GMT -5
I don't drink. And although I'd love to claim Jedi master status, I think that would mean I'd have gotten my H to have sex with me more often. So, I can't claim master of anything, sadly. But I love the idea bballgirl! Good point but we can't make them leave the dark side lol Oppositeland is much better! |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2017 19:47:41 GMT -5
Girl, you're tempting me!! I'm 3/4 of the way there!
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Post by snowman12345 on Jul 18, 2017 7:36:52 GMT -5
My view:
You are leaving.
He is pissed because he can't seem to control that.
He then lashes out because he is selfish, childish and narcissistic.
I would look for more outbursts to come.
My answer would be: "Your comment trying to show me in a bad light has been noted." Then walk away from further interaction.
Your life is NOT all about him. Keep moving forward until you reach your goal!
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Post by obobfla on Jul 18, 2017 17:46:09 GMT -5
This discussion made me think of my parents. If there was one rule they always followed, it was to never argue in front of the kids, particularly about issues involving kids. If we disagreed with Mom, Dad always took her side. Mom always defended Dad. No matter how hard my brothers, sisters, and I tried, they always presented a united front. If one said no, you can't go to the movies, the other backed him or her up. I only saw my parents yell at each other once, and that was when my mom lost it with my dad reading instead of listening to her. It totally shocked me!
I tried following the same rule, but there were too many times my wife was so wrong and my son was right. I had to take his side. I would never let him be disrespectful of her, however.
Dad could be weird and annoying, and Mom nagged us a lot. I am sure they got on each other's nerves. But they stayed married 58 years. When Dad died, Mom passed three months later. As for their sex life, all I can say is that they had eight children and were affectionate with each other until their old age.
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Post by petrushka on Jul 18, 2017 19:35:54 GMT -5
In the situation described by Elle, my reaction to her DH's exit would've been "10 points for powers of observation".
I don't know the guy, I don't know Elle all that well either - so it's idle speculation just what was driving his aggrieved
exit. Hundreds of possibilities. Most likely something's been building in him for a while, is my conjecture. Whether justified
or not is another question.
Looking at it from a 'unraveling human communication' point of view:
Choice of words.
Mother says: "Your father .... " <- translates as "I am distancing myself from that pillock"
Father says: "Your mother .... " ditto
And doing it in front of the kids can add a slew of situational modifiers. (See @dan 's "your mother said 'no', so NO it is")
whereas used in the absence of the co-parent it's most commonly slagging them off ...
Also ran:
Your son broke the living room window
vs.
My daughter brought home straight As in her last school report
The choice of words clearly expresses the emotional state of the speaker as regards the person they're talking about.
***
Is it disrespectful?
Ummm. I think this is situational.
But: I think it's objectifying the person being talked about.
Which can be seen as 'just as bad as', or as 'even worse than' disrespectful. Considering they're talking about a person,
not a block of concrete.
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Talking about a person next to you in the third person?
A minefield in terms of making that person feel disrespected, maligned, ignored ... annoyed ... hell, I've been told off
angrily for praising my wife's skills at pottery of weaving in front of a stranger. (ok, she can have it her way - what is
WRONG with that woman anyway?) ((see what I just did there?))
***
I think ultimately what it boils down to is that you can only deal with any of this if you have a healthy sense of
self esteem in the first place. Get grounded, talk to people, if your uncertainty is based on a relationship then
talk to people whom you trust to be reasonably non-partisan and just and perceptive who know both of you.
Maybe talk to a counselor or therapist or join a group where such issues are discussed to get some valid feedback
on YOU, and base your self esteem on that. You are worthy. You are worthy of respect. and once you are centered
you will be able to decide if you're being disrespected of if someone is just blowing off steam, or kidding around, or
being an arsehole.
I went the talk to people route when my wife had me doubting my sanity 8+ years ago by constantly accusing me of
abusive behaviour. I talked to her friends, I talked to our friends, I talked to my friends. And they set me right ...
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