Post by Dan on Jun 12, 2017 10:00:33 GMT -5
It seems about once a month I post an encouragement for someone to check out the website Meetup.com. I've decided to write up a general introduction to the site, and in the future refer people to this thread rather than making the [almost] same post time and time again.
What is Meetup.com?
Meetup.com is a website for meeting people... but it is NOT a dating site. It is for active normal healthy people who want to increase the circle of their friends NOT by "friending" people on various online-only social media sites, but rather by meeting face to face to do group activities.
You name it, there is a meetup group for it. Kayaking, bird watching, singing Beatles songs, drinking beer, chocolate tasting, going to cool restaurants, karaoke, mediation, cooking, playing folk music, dancing. You can find support groups for elderly caregivers, substance abusers, lactating mothers, divorced people. You can find folks who travel for skiing, Broadway shows, or just that REALLY GOOD ice cream place in the next city.
The ethos of the several meetups that I've attended is that people are very welcoming, and help you with the ice-breaking. For example, I attended one meetup simply seeing a local musician in a bar. Now if you went to this bar for the first time on your own... HOW AGAIN do you meet people in a rather crowded bar where you don't know a soul? But with the meetup group there -- even with individuals I had never met before -- they would be on the lookout for others who RSVPed, and then ask: "Are you here with the meetup? Great, sit with us. Let me introduce you to others in the group."
Why should ILIASM members use Meetup.com?
There are so many distinct phases that ILIASM members are facing... and having more in-real-life (IRL) friends and activity partners is helpful to almost all of them.
You've been in an SM and...
1) ... you're seeking ways to reconnect to your spouse. You or both of you can try to find meetups that you are both interested in. Spend more quality time together by going to a few; have some nice experiences; maybe being around other people will "take the edge off" interactions with your souse; maybe someone else who takes notice of you (let's assume it is platonic) may make your spouse subliminally jealous, who will then turn on the charm at home.
2) ... it is so stifling, you really don't know what to do next. You need some space from your spouse. You need IRL friends. You need to spend sometime OUT of the house, and OUT of your head. Maybe you'll meet someone (let's assume it is platonic) who will be in a position to empathize with you and be a sounding board. Or -- at least -- the time doing something else than fretting over the state of your marriage will give your brain a much needed break.
The other thing you get out of this in this phase of an SM is an inadvertent test: how does your spouse respond? Is he/she fine with this? Does he/she give you a bit of grief for this? Does he/she want to join in? Whatever the reaction, it is useful information as you process what to do next.
3) ... you've basically come to terms that your SM in irreconcilable, but you are in it for a while longer. Time to put more "space" between you and your spouse. You should be actively be seeking out new friends, new activities. You may wish to look up some of the "divorce support" meetups.
4) ... you're fully out the door (physically or mentally), but are a bit daunted by the dating scene. OK, it is time for you put the training wheels back on your dating life. You aren't looking to actually date and not ready to set up a dating profile on a dating site, but you want to be sociable and do things. Give yourself something to look forward to next weekend: join a few meetups, and before you know it you'll have a list of potential activities for you every weekend.
5) ... you're out of your SM, and looking for serious companionship. Some meetups are specifically for those who are dating/seeking to date. You can attend those... or ANY activity that floats your boat, seeking friends -- and dating candidates -- with whom you will have at least one ready-made common interest.
Extra benefits:
In any of the five phases, getting out and doing stuff gives you these additional benefits:
Some groups are service-oriented: Sometimes when you are feeling down about your life, the best thing to pull you out is to perform acts of community service; this makes you feel good about helping other and may put you in touch with other caring souls... and who wouldn't like to have more friends and acquaintances like that?
There are meetups that collect food/clothes for charity, help at local animal shelters, etc. One group I saw was simply "let's do normal stuff (go bowling, do miniature golf, try that new Indian restaurant), but each time we meet, we'll pick a charity; bring a donation for that. Then let's have a relaxing time." What a great idea!
Many groups are fitness-oriented: Getting physically active (cycling, dancing, team-sports, whatever) will help you in ALL PHASES of dealing with your SM. Exercise reduces stress, increases serotonin levels, gets your mind off your troubles.
Exercise helps you feel better about your body. In the long run, it may lead to actual improvements in weight, diet, and sleep. That in turn may lead to an extra dose of self-confidence, which may help you find a special friendship someday.
I hope this is helpful to many ILIASM members!
Disclaimer: while I dearly wish I had come up with the idea for Meetup.com (I have the tech background that I could very easily have developed such a web site), I will state that I have no affiliation with the site or the folks who run it.
What is Meetup.com?
Meetup.com is a website for meeting people... but it is NOT a dating site. It is for active normal healthy people who want to increase the circle of their friends NOT by "friending" people on various online-only social media sites, but rather by meeting face to face to do group activities.
You name it, there is a meetup group for it. Kayaking, bird watching, singing Beatles songs, drinking beer, chocolate tasting, going to cool restaurants, karaoke, mediation, cooking, playing folk music, dancing. You can find support groups for elderly caregivers, substance abusers, lactating mothers, divorced people. You can find folks who travel for skiing, Broadway shows, or just that REALLY GOOD ice cream place in the next city.
The ethos of the several meetups that I've attended is that people are very welcoming, and help you with the ice-breaking. For example, I attended one meetup simply seeing a local musician in a bar. Now if you went to this bar for the first time on your own... HOW AGAIN do you meet people in a rather crowded bar where you don't know a soul? But with the meetup group there -- even with individuals I had never met before -- they would be on the lookout for others who RSVPed, and then ask: "Are you here with the meetup? Great, sit with us. Let me introduce you to others in the group."
Why should ILIASM members use Meetup.com?
There are so many distinct phases that ILIASM members are facing... and having more in-real-life (IRL) friends and activity partners is helpful to almost all of them.
You've been in an SM and...
1) ... you're seeking ways to reconnect to your spouse. You or both of you can try to find meetups that you are both interested in. Spend more quality time together by going to a few; have some nice experiences; maybe being around other people will "take the edge off" interactions with your souse; maybe someone else who takes notice of you (let's assume it is platonic) may make your spouse subliminally jealous, who will then turn on the charm at home.
2) ... it is so stifling, you really don't know what to do next. You need some space from your spouse. You need IRL friends. You need to spend sometime OUT of the house, and OUT of your head. Maybe you'll meet someone (let's assume it is platonic) who will be in a position to empathize with you and be a sounding board. Or -- at least -- the time doing something else than fretting over the state of your marriage will give your brain a much needed break.
The other thing you get out of this in this phase of an SM is an inadvertent test: how does your spouse respond? Is he/she fine with this? Does he/she give you a bit of grief for this? Does he/she want to join in? Whatever the reaction, it is useful information as you process what to do next.
3) ... you've basically come to terms that your SM in irreconcilable, but you are in it for a while longer. Time to put more "space" between you and your spouse. You should be actively be seeking out new friends, new activities. You may wish to look up some of the "divorce support" meetups.
4) ... you're fully out the door (physically or mentally), but are a bit daunted by the dating scene. OK, it is time for you put the training wheels back on your dating life. You aren't looking to actually date and not ready to set up a dating profile on a dating site, but you want to be sociable and do things. Give yourself something to look forward to next weekend: join a few meetups, and before you know it you'll have a list of potential activities for you every weekend.
5) ... you're out of your SM, and looking for serious companionship. Some meetups are specifically for those who are dating/seeking to date. You can attend those... or ANY activity that floats your boat, seeking friends -- and dating candidates -- with whom you will have at least one ready-made common interest.
Extra benefits:
In any of the five phases, getting out and doing stuff gives you these additional benefits:
Some groups are service-oriented: Sometimes when you are feeling down about your life, the best thing to pull you out is to perform acts of community service; this makes you feel good about helping other and may put you in touch with other caring souls... and who wouldn't like to have more friends and acquaintances like that?
There are meetups that collect food/clothes for charity, help at local animal shelters, etc. One group I saw was simply "let's do normal stuff (go bowling, do miniature golf, try that new Indian restaurant), but each time we meet, we'll pick a charity; bring a donation for that. Then let's have a relaxing time." What a great idea!
Many groups are fitness-oriented: Getting physically active (cycling, dancing, team-sports, whatever) will help you in ALL PHASES of dealing with your SM. Exercise reduces stress, increases serotonin levels, gets your mind off your troubles.
Exercise helps you feel better about your body. In the long run, it may lead to actual improvements in weight, diet, and sleep. That in turn may lead to an extra dose of self-confidence, which may help you find a special friendship someday.
I hope this is helpful to many ILIASM members!
Disclaimer: while I dearly wish I had come up with the idea for Meetup.com (I have the tech background that I could very easily have developed such a web site), I will state that I have no affiliation with the site or the folks who run it.
