|
|
Post by ggold on May 4, 2016 16:07:51 GMT -5
Thank you all who have welcomed me to this community. I do feel that I am in the right place at the right time in my life.
This is difficult to share, but I know there is no judgement here.
My marriage has been sexless probably close to 10 years now. Prior to that, we had infrequent and routine (I guess you call it, vanilla) sex. Quite often afterwards, I would just cry.
He is an avoider and a horrible communicator when it comes to this topic so I would write him letters to convey my feelings. I wrote several throughout our 22 years of marriage. In my letters, I'd write about how lonely I was, how unattractive I felt, and I stated I couldn't live like this forever. He would respond by saying things would change, blah, blah, blah....
In the past few years, I've had a surge in my libido, a slap in the face that life is too damn short, and the awakening that I am just so friggin' unhappy in this marriage. Therapy has helped me immensely.
From Oct.-March, an unexpected event occurred. Really one that threw me for a loop. An attractive, single (divorced), younger man began flirting with me. At first, I didn't even realize he was! It took me time to catch on. We would chat a bit in person, which led to me emailing him some info he requested (was work related), which led to him asking if I was single (he knew I wasn't and my response was legally-no, emotionally-yes), which led to us texting, calling and flirting with one another. Through our conversations, it was obvious he had a goal in mind and so did I. After not having sex with my husband for so long, I went for it. I am not proud of what I did, but all I can say is this guy made me feel amazing. It woke me up to what I have been missing and wanting. It was a one-time event and I am no longer involved with him. My husband knows. (How he found out...let's just say texting and drinking do not mix well together.) It was all for the best. We had the deepest conversations we ever had afterwards. Of course, he was devastated and hurt but he owned up to his no libido taking a part in what I did. (and somehow he is still hopeful that we can fix this..ugh!)
I do not want to go down this path again. It was so stressful and deceitful, but was also exciting and invigorating. This is why I need to end my marriage. From this experience I learned that my need for sex is not wrong, is human, natural and that I have been severely neglected. I am also on edge because my desire for sex has increased even more so...ugh!
So here I am, determined to move ahead towards happiness...
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 4, 2016 16:30:37 GMT -5
This is NOT unusual.
When folks used to muse about looking for an affair back on EP, my advice was a qualified "Don't Do It". The qualification is that you'll feel GREAT while you're "Doing it", but totally miserable when when you're not "Doing It" or building the complicated network of deceit (absolutely necessary component of an affair). But all those irrational insecurities from years of being belittled and refused will be blown to bits. You'll know you're hot and you'll know what to do with that.
So, now you know what You Are. Good for you!
Now the part about your husband finding out and being "Devastated and Hurt" leaves me a little flat. Poor boy is afraid he's going to have to learn to make his own bed now.
Awe Bill, you're a really great guy. There are lots of self-centered users out there that will be thrilled to hook up with a limber dicked gentleman like you.
|
|
|
|
Post by ggold on May 4, 2016 16:57:39 GMT -5
This is NOT unusual. When folks used to muse about looking for an affair back on EP, my advice was a qualified "Don't Do It". The qualification is that you'll feel GREAT while you're "Doing it", but totally miserable when when you're not "Doing It" or building the complicated network of deceit (absolutely necessary component of an affair). But all those irrational insecurities from years of being belittled and refused will be blown to bits. You'll know you're hot and you'll know what to do with that. So, now you know what You Are. Good for you! Now the part about your husband finding out and being "Devastated and Hurt" leaves me a little flat. Poor boy is afraid he's going to have to learn to make his own bed now. Awe Bill, you're a really great guy. There are lots of self-centered users out there that will be thrilled to hook up with a limber dicked gentleman like you. He also said he didn't want to be alone like an urn on a shelf. Really. |
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on May 4, 2016 17:06:05 GMT -5
This is NOT unusual. When folks used to muse about looking for an affair back on EP, my advice was a qualified "Don't Do It". The qualification is that you'll feel GREAT while you're "Doing it", but totally miserable when when you're not "Doing It" or building the complicated network of deceit (absolutely necessary component of an affair). But all those irrational insecurities from years of being belittled and refused will be blown to bits. You'll know you're hot and you'll know what to do with that. So, now you know what You Are. Good for you! Now the part about your husband finding out and being "Devastated and Hurt" leaves me a little flat. Poor boy is afraid he's going to have to learn to make his own bed now. Awe Bill, you're a really great guy. There are lots of self-centered users out there that will be thrilled to hook up with a limber dicked gentleman like you. He also said he didn't want to be alone like an urn on a shelf. Really. That statement was all about himself. True colors! I read your story and your words could have been my own. I was married 22 years when I told my husband that I wanted a divorce. I was faithful for 21 years. Last 13 years were celibate. First ten years sex once a month. Find your happiness! There's only one life!! |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 4, 2016 17:20:10 GMT -5
I can certainly understand and I hope you end your "marriage" as peacefully as possible.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 4, 2016 17:38:41 GMT -5
This is NOT unusual. When folks used to muse about looking for an affair back on EP, my advice was a qualified "Don't Do It". The qualification is that you'll feel GREAT while you're "Doing it", but totally miserable when when you're not "Doing It" or building the complicated network of deceit (absolutely necessary component of an affair). But all those irrational insecurities from years of being belittled and refused will be blown to bits. You'll know you're hot and you'll know what to do with that. So, now you know what You Are. Good for you! Now the part about your husband finding out and being "Devastated and Hurt" leaves me a little flat. Poor boy is afraid he's going to have to learn to make his own bed now. Awe Bill, you're a really great guy. There are lots of self-centered users out there that will be thrilled to hook up with a limber dicked gentleman like you. He also said he didn't want to be alone like an urn on a shelf. Really. Did you tell him you don't like being alone like a vacuum cleaner in the closet? |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 4, 2016 17:39:48 GMT -5
This is NOT unusual. When folks used to muse about looking for an affair back on EP, my advice was a qualified "Don't Do It". The qualification is that you'll feel GREAT while you're "Doing it", but totally miserable when when you're not "Doing It" or building the complicated network of deceit (absolutely necessary component of an affair). But all those irrational insecurities from years of being belittled and refused will be blown to bits. You'll know you're hot and you'll know what to do with that. So, now you know what You Are. Good for you! Now the part about your husband finding out and being "Devastated and Hurt" leaves me a little flat. Poor boy is afraid he's going to have to learn to make his own bed now. Awe Bill, you're a really great guy. There are lots of self-centered users out there that will be thrilled to hook up with a limber dicked gentleman like you. He also said he didn't want to be alone like an urn on a shelf. Really. Being alone was supposed to be your job. |
|
|
|
Post by unmatched on May 4, 2016 20:50:31 GMT -5
He also said he didn't want to be alone like an urn on a shelf. Really. You find an awful lot of refusers who don't want to split up. They often say things like, 'don't leave me alone', 'I don't want to lose our marriage', 'it's such a waste', 'what about the kids?', 'you want to throw away everything we have built together?'. I can't remember ever seeing a story where the refuser said, 'I love you and I want to spent the rest of my life with you.' (I am sure there must have been one or two, but I really don't remember any.) |
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on May 4, 2016 21:01:00 GMT -5
He also said he didn't want to be alone like an urn on a shelf. Really. You find an awful lot of refusers who don't want to split up. They often say things like, 'don't leave me alone', 'I don't want to lose our marriage', 'it's such a waste', 'what about the kids?', 'you want to throw away everything we have built together?'. I can't remember ever seeing a story where the refuser said, 'I love you and I want to spent the rest of my life with you.' (I am sure there must have been one or two, but I really don't remember any.) So true!! My refuser's response was all about him. I don't not want to see the kids everyday. Meanwhile they didn't want to see him everyday. I can't function without you. I will die. Everything about him!! |
|
|
|
Post by ggold on May 4, 2016 21:02:27 GMT -5
He also said he didn't want to be alone like an urn on a shelf. Really. You find an awful lot of refusers who don't want to split up. They often say things like, 'don't leave me alone', 'I don't want to lose our marriage', 'it's such a waste', 'what about the kids?', 'you want to throw away everything we have built together?'. I can't remember ever seeing a story where the refuser said, 'I love you and I want to spent the rest of my life with you.' (I am sure there must have been one or two, but I really don't remember any.) He said just about all of the above. The sad thing is that he does not have a support system. He's not close with his family and he has no friends. "Our" life is pretty much his whole being. He claims he loves me. IDK. His definition of love must be different than mine. |
|
|
|
Post by unmatched on May 4, 2016 21:04:57 GMT -5
You find an awful lot of refusers who don't want to split up. They often say things like, 'don't leave me alone', 'I don't want to lose our marriage', 'it's such a waste', 'what about the kids?', 'you want to throw away everything we have built together?'. I can't remember ever seeing a story where the refuser said, 'I love you and I want to spent the rest of my life with you.' (I am sure there must have been one or two, but I really don't remember any.) He said just about all of the above. The sad thing is that he does not have a support system. He's not close with his family and he has no friends. "Our" life is pretty much his whole being. He claims he loves me. IDK. His definition of love must be different than mine. I think it is quite common for men to do worse after divorce because they often don't have a lot of friends, beyond their wives and family and casual work/sport buddies. It must make it very hard to know whether you really love somebody or not when the idea of being on your own is just terrifying. |
|
|
|
Post by JMX on May 4, 2016 21:35:56 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by unmatched on May 4, 2016 21:36:50 GMT -5
You look different today. Have you changed your hair? |
|
|
|
Post by JMX on May 4, 2016 21:37:43 GMT -5
You look different today. Have you changed your hair? Why, thank you sir! I most certainly did. Husband did not notice. What say you? |
|
|
|
Post by unmatched on May 4, 2016 21:43:03 GMT -5
You look different today. Have you changed your hair? Why, thank you sir! I most certainly did. Husband did not notice. What say you? No, I prefer the mysterious, peeking-out-from-behind-the-coffee look. And the top right hand corner of your face was prettier too. Although it is nice to be able to see your eyes. |
|
