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Post by TMD on Jun 5, 2017 22:18:11 GMT -5
You've got the power! LOL.
This song is now in my head...
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Post by baza on Jun 6, 2017 1:37:08 GMT -5
Quoting you here again Sister LEXUS46 - "The stage Im at right now is anger at myself, because I haven't left. I've allowed it. Looks like I need reclaim my power here". I've heard it said that depression *is anger focused inwardly* and I suspect that there is truth in that saying. This doesn't really have anything to do with *reclaiming* your power. Your power has always been there, it is currently there, and will remain there into your future. It's more commonly called "choice". It really has to do with you *exercising* your power of choice and *reclaiming* your autonomy as a human being. Outsourcing some help to refine your power of choice and mebbe get a handle on that inward anger might be productive. A decent therapist could be invaluable. And whereas I usually suggest that you get your focus OFF your spouse and on to you, there might be a case to be made here for you to (temporarily) put your spouse squarely in the cross hairs and get angry at him for his appallingly poor performance as custodian of your emotions and aspirations. Give him both barrels. It might be quite cathartic, and help propel you forward. |
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Post by lwoetin on Jun 7, 2017 0:27:46 GMT -5
ive actually have been prou of my by how calm and collective ive been in this situation- he has put me in. Tonight, I stayed monotonoued during our semi chat. He left the conversation before we were don'e. I brought up separation and Divorce. Focused on my self. I told him I personally cannot stay married to a man I can't trust. I'm sure he has already on the phone. he probably was shocked by your courage to bring up how you don't trust him, and the mention of separation and divorce. Progress only happens with communication. I don't think you will be feeling lost anymore. You will soon learn what kind of a spouse you have. Good luck, LEXUS46. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 7, 2017 13:03:37 GMT -5
It is going to be extra-ordinarily difficult to move away from what you don't want unless you have a really good handle on what you DO want, and a solid plan to get there. What Baza said. I had a therapy session in which I was asked to visualize how my "perfect" life looked. It was liberating. A turning point. Even though it took another 4ish years to get to the point of leaving. You talk about your soul. I hope you find a way to peace, to wellness (I am reminded of the hymn, "It is Well with my Soul"). Be kind to yourself, nourish your soul. I hesitate to write this, but it keeps coming back to me, so here goes. My STBX loves that song, she likes to sing it out load, while the rest of us close our doors. Ironically, "It is well with my Soul" can also speak volumes about a SM and dealing with a taker who has gotten their way for years. For the taker who gets their way, everything is well. It's time to reverse that and as a giver find another giver who receives and gives back. |
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Post by TMD on Jun 7, 2017 18:39:33 GMT -5
What Baza said. I had a therapy session in which I was asked to visualize how my "perfect" life looked. It was liberating. A turning point. Even though it took another 4ish years to get to the point of leaving. You talk about your soul. I hope you find a way to peace, to wellness (I am reminded of the hymn, "It is Well with my Soul"). Be kind to yourself, nourish your soul. I hesitate to wright this, but it keeps coming back to me, so here goes. My STBX loves that song, she likes to sing it out load, while the rest of us close our doors. Ironically, "It is well with my Soul" can also speak volumes about a SM and dealing with a taker who has gotten their way for years. For the taker who gets their way, everything is well. It's time to reverse that and as a giver find another giver who receives and gives back. Thank you for sharing your perspective on the song. Songs will mean different things to different people. Sorry you have a negative association with it. I no longer attend church. But this hymn reminds me to trust that all is (or will be) well. I tend to worry over *every* detail. For me, the song is a reminder to honour myself and trust all will be alright; it calms and centers me. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 7, 2017 19:40:17 GMT -5
I hesitate to wright this, but it keeps coming back to me, so here goes. My STBX loves that song, she likes to sing it out load, while the rest of us close our doors. Ironically, "It is well with my Soul" can also speak volumes about a SM and dealing with a taker who has gotten their way for years. For the taker who gets their way, everything is well. It's time to reverse that and as a giver find another giver who receives and gives back. Thank you for sharing your perspective on the song. Songs will mean different things to different people. Sorry you have a negative association with it. I no longer attend church. But this hymn reminds me to trust that all is (or will be) well. I tend to worry over *every* detail. For me, the song is a reminder to honour myself and trust all will be alright; it calms and centers me. YES,yes, that song should inspire you and calm you. There's always going to be those who twist and manipulate the good in people to their advantage. My STBX is also guilty of judging my own personal spirituality, and has said things like, "I don't pray enough, I am not spiritual enough". That is another one of those "red flags". |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Jun 15, 2017 21:53:24 GMT -5
LEXUS46. Oh I get it. I know how a lifestyle can keep you stuck. While my husband isn't psychologically abusive, other than denying me sex, he does provide me a nice lifestyle. It's nobody's fault but my own that I'm in this situation. I dropped out of college. I haven't worked in 25 years. I keep getting the lectures from friends that I will get 1/2 of everything. Thats good BUT I would have to leave Southern California. I would have to move someplace less expensive like rural Texas. A job? Maybe the chicken factory will hire me to pull feathers because I have strong hands.
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