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Post by Caris on Jun 1, 2017 13:01:26 GMT -5
What do I do with the rest of my life, when I have no dreams or goals to aim for? Once my last dream/goal folded (which left me devastated), I had no dreams left. Nothing jumps out at me. I've come to the age of 63, Divorced, bereaved, lost my sole income.
I'm tempted to buy a backpack, and take off, but can't do that for at least two weeks because I've got documents coming from the government that I need to fill in and send back. I feel lost. I'm just doing the most common place thing that needs doing and have called some peer groups where I can just drop in for company. I have no friends in this area.
My youngest son is going through something similar, except it's worse for him, so he's taking off and going to Europe, maybe tomorrow. I am likely going to the funeral, but that's another story that distresses me because of the in-laws and how they are treating me.
I am relying on my Buddhist teachings to remain calm, but even thinking is hard and tiring. Should I just take some weeks to grieve, go to the funeral, and then think about what I can do for the rest of my life after that?
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 1, 2017 13:13:51 GMT -5
After you give yourself the solace of having a couple of weeks to grieve deeply, consider volunteering for a cause that you care about. If being around people would be painful, consider fostering animals at your home or helping to tend them at a shelter. Sometimes in giving back, we reap the most rewards. Volunteering also may help you get some kind of employment.
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Post by WindSister on Jun 1, 2017 13:30:50 GMT -5
Let yourself feel what you feel. The restlessness, the grief, the uncertainty. It sounds like you are "doing" all the things you can. Things will unfold in your own mind/heart and you will find your way. Trust that even during this time of uncertainty. I know I can say this to you if you know Buddhist teachings -- maybe let go of some of the labeling/story-telling. Look at life with wonderment/amazement/curiousness. Do you need to be worried about and have all the answers for "the rest of your life?" Or just right now? Today. Tomorrow.
Because of you and your situation I actually did some research on exes and grief (a lot of reading of personal experiences out there). It was enlightening/emotional for me to consider what will take place when it happens to me in my life in whatever capacity it does (because it happens to us all in some way). One common theme I picked up on is exes feeling like there isn't room for their grief. I do think that's sad. It sounds like that is the case in your situation with your ex in-laws as well and I am sorry for you for that.
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Post by jim44444 on Jun 1, 2017 14:16:41 GMT -5
Go to a senior citizen center and ask for advice. You should be eligible for spousal SS payments until yours kicks in. It will not be full benefits but at least something. The Social Security laws are complex, get help.
As much As I hate the term senior citizen I am willing to embrace it to enhance my life and I believe you should also play the senior citizen card to your advantage. Also ask for assistance for how to deal with all this crap life is throwing at you. We all try to pretend that we are totally self-sufficient in all things but is just a false narrative we tell ourselves.
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Post by shamwow on Jun 1, 2017 15:44:40 GMT -5
I am relying on my Buddhist teachings to remain calm, but even thinking is hard and tiring. Should I just take some weeks to grieve, go to the funeral, and then think about what I can do for the rest of my life after that? If you follow Buddhist teachings, then you know that all life is suffering. I know it is impossibly hard right now, but the Eightfold Path teaches us to let go of our suffering and desire. The goal is not to be overly happy or overly sad. Meditation and mindfulness have helped me get through my divorce, the most difficult time in my life. For you, you've been through that ordeal and now are dealing with grief that I don't have experience with. Have you considered going to a Buddhist temple and speaking with someone about this? They might be able to guide you in meditations specifically for grieving? I do know that if it were me, I would try to just sit, clear my mind, and count my breaths. Try not to dwell on the suffering. Try not to dwell on the funeral. When the time for the funeral arrives, live in that moment, and try not to dwell on it after it has passed. As for what to do for the rest of your life at that point? Only you can decide that. But by sitting, being still, and breathing, you may be able to clear some of the clutter from your mind and perhaps one choice will rise above the rest. I'm not a very good Buddhist myself (too much desire and ego), but I do know that meditation and mindfulness can calm the white water rapids of my mind in times of trouble. You won't be able to push your troubles away completely, but perhaps you can to the point where they are not all consuming. |
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Post by unmatched on Jun 1, 2017 19:21:26 GMT -5
Throwing on a backpack sounds like an awesome idea if you can do it, even if it is just for a few days and then you have to come back and do your paperwork. I find that travelling in new places, whether that is hiking or driving or just visiting, can bring a combination of movement and moments of stillness that is really good for healing.
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Post by hopingforachange on Jun 1, 2017 21:11:58 GMT -5
For me, it would be finding my nearest national/state park and hiking until they're was no one around me in the trail and sit there listening and watching the wildlife.
There is something that brings me peace just observing.
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Post by baza on Jun 1, 2017 21:54:43 GMT -5
Re *grieving*.
I don't think that under the circumstances, you have much choice about grieving, or how you do it or when you do it.
That process is going to happen whether you like it or not.
So my suggestion is to embrace that grieving process.
That doesn't mean that everything else goes on the backburner, as there will be other tasks (like these Govt forms and stuff) that you can attend to in manageable little chunks.
But, as appropriate, sit with, and honour, your feelings on an "as needs" basis.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2017 19:02:23 GMT -5
Sometimes you just have to go through it and let yourself have the feelings. I know, I don't like it either.
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