Post by nolongerlonely on May 31, 2017 1:40:33 GMT -5
I experienced a major setback in my SM about 18 years ago, stood in my tracks and knew in my heart that the treatment I was receiving was wrong, inappropriate, unjust,cruel even. And I'm not talking about the lack of sex. That was something that just came along with it, and then eventually left the room completely. I've realised since being here that I have wasted alot of time, and that makes me extremely stupid. Its also made things worse, I'm more boxed in than ever, or thats certainly how it feels. I get more anxious about that, worry more about my health, and yet whats probably made me more potentially vulnerable to illness than anything else, is the mere fact that I am still here.
So, here's my advice to any of you, male or female, who are experiencing any of this at any age. Dont waste time like me.
I was a busy young adult, with a thriving business I had created all on my own, before meeting my partner. I was very lonely then though, wanted a relationship very much. Losing a parent as a teenager, not having any siblings, the remaining parent who had moved on, all compounded that. I often worked weekends.
We met. It was initially great. For almost a year. I rushed marriage, no idea why. I had a major wobble about a week before the wedding, and almost called it all off, due to a very aggressive exchange from my soon to be wife. I dismissed it in the end, decided it was all to do with the pressure of the forthcoming celebration.
Things got worse afterwards, and passion gradually diminished, from her side anyway. I could not measure this from prior experience, neither in a long term relationship, nor marriage. My friends seemed un-approachable on such a delicate, deep subject. So I just lived with it and carried on.
I stayed very busy for over 20 years. In the back of my mind, I was unhappy. I still dismissed it. Throughout the whole time, and before we were together, I had two hobbies. I more or less stopped doing one of them altogether. The other one became the subject of control and alteration by my partner, who then decided, after changing it immeasurably, that she didnt want to join in anymore. I took up doing the other hobby more vigorously 9 years ago. That was a year after I had finally been rejected cruelly and unpleasantly and worked out that sex and any sort of physical connection between us had finished. I was in fact told that I was too old to take up this activity and would 'look ridiculous', along with various other put-downs. Thank goodness, ignored all that, and proved that actually, I was/am quite good at it. Perhaps this was my first rebellious act, in finding myself again.
I've invested lots of time into the 'rejuvinated' hobby. It was/is a great distraction, but I am almost at the point where I dont enjoy it anymore. Not because of the activity, because I still love that, but because its surrounded by control complaint and aggression. And I just cant be bothered with it all anymore, seems completely pointless.
So it would seem that I have wasted alot of time. And I'm hoping my experience might stop some of you from doing the same.
I'm working really hard on correcting my errors, and starting again. But its a steep hill to climb, and I cant seem to reach the summit - yet. I know the view is good though when I get there, so I'm pushing onwards and upwards to buggering off from this miserable existence and starting again.
Dont be like me. Except for the last bit that is
So, here's my advice to any of you, male or female, who are experiencing any of this at any age. Dont waste time like me.
I was a busy young adult, with a thriving business I had created all on my own, before meeting my partner. I was very lonely then though, wanted a relationship very much. Losing a parent as a teenager, not having any siblings, the remaining parent who had moved on, all compounded that. I often worked weekends.
We met. It was initially great. For almost a year. I rushed marriage, no idea why. I had a major wobble about a week before the wedding, and almost called it all off, due to a very aggressive exchange from my soon to be wife. I dismissed it in the end, decided it was all to do with the pressure of the forthcoming celebration.
Things got worse afterwards, and passion gradually diminished, from her side anyway. I could not measure this from prior experience, neither in a long term relationship, nor marriage. My friends seemed un-approachable on such a delicate, deep subject. So I just lived with it and carried on.
I stayed very busy for over 20 years. In the back of my mind, I was unhappy. I still dismissed it. Throughout the whole time, and before we were together, I had two hobbies. I more or less stopped doing one of them altogether. The other one became the subject of control and alteration by my partner, who then decided, after changing it immeasurably, that she didnt want to join in anymore. I took up doing the other hobby more vigorously 9 years ago. That was a year after I had finally been rejected cruelly and unpleasantly and worked out that sex and any sort of physical connection between us had finished. I was in fact told that I was too old to take up this activity and would 'look ridiculous', along with various other put-downs. Thank goodness, ignored all that, and proved that actually, I was/am quite good at it. Perhaps this was my first rebellious act, in finding myself again.
I've invested lots of time into the 'rejuvinated' hobby. It was/is a great distraction, but I am almost at the point where I dont enjoy it anymore. Not because of the activity, because I still love that, but because its surrounded by control complaint and aggression. And I just cant be bothered with it all anymore, seems completely pointless.
So it would seem that I have wasted alot of time. And I'm hoping my experience might stop some of you from doing the same.
I'm working really hard on correcting my errors, and starting again. But its a steep hill to climb, and I cant seem to reach the summit - yet. I know the view is good though when I get there, so I'm pushing onwards and upwards to buggering off from this miserable existence and starting again.
Dont be like me. Except for the last bit that is
