I need a break

In the context of an ILIASM shithole, "Zipcode therapy" has a lot going for it.

Permanent zipcode therapy is best, where you permanently change your zipcode from that of your avoidant spouse.

But temporary zipcode therapy is also good.
An opportunity to really think through stuff whilst temporarily away from the poisonous atmosphere of an ILIASM shithole.

If you've got a chance to get away for a while Sister merrygoround , take it. Grab it with both hands.

Stay strong there will be good days and bad. It seems holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries tend to escalate emotions too.
I had a lot of anger, resentment, crying- I would go for a lot of walks, that helped.
Enjoy Mother's Day with your children - that's what it's about!
Put the frozen pizza in the oven on Father's Day!

Start the video 8 sec in

It is mother's day why are you even thinking about walking into the kitchen except for to sit down at the table to eat. Call his ass out on it. He knows where the grocery store is it at least knows where to order takeout from.

F, if you really wanted to mess with him, tell him he owes you an orgasm for each week you missed one since last mother's day, so don't expect to sleep tonight.

hopingforachange Thanks for making me laugh!!

I've been trying to research how to talk to older kids about marriage breakdowns, divorce. It's pretty rough on them and even though they are supposedly "adults" how it affects them. My twins are 19 and my youngest 18. Theyre not blind or stupid - they see me upset and not myself a lot of the time lately. I don't honestly think it will come as a massive shock to them. We've agreed that when we talk with them about it, we will do it together with the minimum of private details and with no blame. Any questions I suppose we shall field in much the same way.
Anyone here have experience having this conversation with older kids?

Phew! Yes I can absolutely see the sense in that - but there is no way H would! I can imagine having a quiet word if they asked one-on-one but he would see it as a) unnecessary, b)hugely disrespectful. Although I am very close to them, I would not want to paint him in a bad light. But I totally get what you mean. In fact, during one of our discussions, I did ask him what he would tell our daughter if she ended up this way (obviously applies to sons too). I'm not sure he totally gets that - seems that he appears to feel his way around that, but perhaps doesn't want to face it.

My kids were similar ages to yours Sister merrygoround so I can give you some firsthand input here.

I told my kids separately one on one.
They are very different personalities, the oldest quite empathic and thoughtful, the youngest (at that time) a bit more "judgey" and headstrong. I thought it best to talk to them individually.
Essentially, the message was the same, but tailored for each.
I concentrated on what would NOT be changing - that I loved them, would support them, intended to remain an involved and caring father and always consider their best interests as well as my own. That I was only ever a phone call plus 4 hours away when they needed me.

"Why" I was leaving I did not go into much detail about. The youngest got it in his head that there was another woman involved (which was not actually so at that time, though I was hoping !!) and I figured that the passage of time would show him that that was not correct, so I didn't get involved in trying to prove otherwise.

The eldest took a more rounded view of things.

To the best of my knowledge they both accepted what was going on in their own ways, but I do not know what they may have been saying to each other at that time. I would imagine that there may have been some pretty harsh judgements being made, as people are inclined to do this.

Anyway, in the aftermath, my youngest pretty much fresh aired me for a time. My eldest went the other way and remained communicative.
After a couple of months, the heat had died down and gradually everyone adjusted to the reality of the situation, though my youngest maintained a stand offish position for quite a while. Indeed when I went to visit them, I actually stayed in the old marital home of my ex Missus' at her invitation.

And, there were a few events that happened where I delivered on my committment to be there when necessary after a phone call (plus 4 hours).


I think the relationships (between me and my ex missus, me and my eldest, me and my youngest actually started to grow during this period.)


Then, in my case (and I hope you do not run in to this), my ex missus died very suddenly in mid April 2015.
That put my relationship with each kid under some real pressure.

Luckily, the work the kids I had put in between Oct 09 (when I left) and April 15 stood us in good stead.
In fact, although my ex Missus tragic and untimely death was no fun whatsoever, it actually propelled the relationships between me and my kids forward by a huge distance out of sheer necessity.

Sister merrygoround , all I can really offer you is this.
Everyone "gets over it" in their own way in their own time.
Be straight up with the kids.