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Post by baza on May 6, 2017 19:16:35 GMT -5
Below, is a copied post I made in a response to a different thread in a different folder.
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I think, that if anyone is to *find* (stumble across, accidentally trip over, by random event etc) someone else who appears to be someone with whom you can jointly carve out a great relationship, then there is one pre-requisite that MUST be in place.
That being that you have to be available to take advantage of the opportunity.
In other words, when opportunity knocks, you do NOT want to be tied up in an ILIASM shithole and be unable to sieze the opportunity.
You need to be free of encumberances.
Like Sister smartkat for example.
The second thing is, that you present the best possible version of yourself.
In other words, have your own shit sorted out.
You do NOT want to be carrying any more baggage than you have to into a new circumstance.
In an ILIASM situation, you need to get out of it, and you need to sort your own shit out.
Then, you are available, and you are grounded, standing solidly on your own two feet.
And when opportunity knocks, you are ready - or at least as ready as you can possibly be.
And, you might then be writing a whole new page in your history, mebbe a whole new chapter, mebbe a whole new book.
But if you stay in your ILIASM shithole (and that is a perfectly valid choice) then you do NOT give yourself a shot.
Sister smartkat has given herself a shot.
Available, and sorting her shit out.
All that awaits, is the right opportunity.
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Post by bballgirl on May 6, 2017 22:16:09 GMT -5
I'm waiting patiently for my opportunity.
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Post by baza on May 6, 2017 22:23:11 GMT -5
I'm waiting patiently for my opportunity. Not only that Sister bballgirl , you are pro-actively testing candidates in the talent pool, and fine tuning your bullshit antenna. Very very good things to be doing. |
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Post by nancyb on May 7, 2017 5:00:10 GMT -5
I am having an adventure whist awaiting my opportunity. Bags are almost all packed and movers come in a few week. I'm leaving the crap behind and only taking the good stuff and that pertains to my attitude as well. I've been mourning the loss of this marriage for many years. It is time to let it go and fly free.
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Post by merrygoround on May 7, 2017 6:02:45 GMT -5
Spread those wings, Nancy girl! And may your new life lead to you spreading your legs too lol. Too much???!!!
Hugs and good luck x
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Post by McRoomMate on May 7, 2017 15:12:58 GMT -5
baza Any SUGGESTIONS - for "sorting your shit out"? Therapy? Other? I readily admit I must have a lot of baggage after approximately 25 years of dysfunctional relationships (some SM, others just my own neuroses contributing their fair share to the failures and botched starts off to begin with). I am all ears on suggestions on how to "sort your shit out." I do not trust myself frankly any more probably because of Mental Stress from too much baggage, which I must have even if not consciously aware of it. I know that "Pain is the Touchstone of Spiritual Progress" but I want to master myself. All ears to listen.
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Post by baza on May 7, 2017 19:18:01 GMT -5
Back in my "why" chasing days, I found all manner of self help books of value.
Some more so than others.
I had a very close relationship with a friend to act as a sounding board.
Individual counselling with a great practicioner I found really really valuable.
My exposure to a 12 step group (dealing with family gambling issues) I found tremendously helpful.
The Experience Project site and the ILIASM group on that site I found very helpful.
Hell, even random articles in old Readers Digests whilst waiting at the dentists I have found value in.
Solitude, to think things through methodically I find useful.
Going for a mindless blat on my motorbike I find theraputic.
Getting drunk with my mates and doing stupid shit has value to me.
I can't tell you what to do Brother @mcroommate , but what I can tell you with absolute certainty is that I personally have still not got all my shit sorted out, and nor do I ever expect to do so. But I do believe I have more of my shit figured out in May 2017 than I did have in May 2016, or May 2006. And hopefully by May 2018 I will have more of it sorted out.
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Post by McRoomMate on May 8, 2017 0:42:43 GMT -5
Back in my "why" chasing days, I found all manner of self help books of value. Some more so than others. I had a very close relationship with a friend to act as a sounding board. Yes - in processIndividual counselling with a great practicioner I found really really valuable. Not yet.My exposure to a 12 step group (dealing with family gambling issues) I found tremendously helpful. Yes - in processThe Experience Project site and the ILIASM group on that site I found very helpful. Duly noted. Hell, even random articles in old Readers Digests whilst waiting at the dentists I have found value in. News to me. Solitude, to think things through methodically I find useful. Yes - in processGoing for a mindless blat on my motorbike I find theraputic. Yes - in processGetting drunk with my mates and doing stupid shit has value to me Better not for me. I can't tell you what to do Brother @mcroommate , but what I can tell you with absolute certainty is that I personally have still not got all my shit sorted out, and nor do I ever expect to do so. But I do believe I have more of my shit figured out in May 2017 than I did have in May 2016, or May 2006. And hopefully by May 2018 I will have more of it sorted out. Right on! Respect. Excellent excellent excellent. |
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Post by WindSister on May 8, 2017 8:31:32 GMT -5
Love all this.  When it comes to sorting your shit out - I remember hearing that a lot while I was dating afterwards and it made me mad because I saw perfectly messed up people finding love and I wasn't having any luck in that department. I don't think we need ALL of it sorted, like Baz did state in his response to McRoomMate. But, we do attract what we are, in a sense. As I look back on my life (wonderful hindsight) I can see it so perfectly clear. Or, maybe that's just me making a nice little story/package of my life so it makes sense to me. Who knows. But right before I met my husband I really DID sort myself out. I talk about it a lot because it was so unreal, how it all worked out. I finally did get crystal clear in my head and heart what I wanted and I said goodbye to everyone and everything that wasn't "it" with certainty in my heart I wouldn't go back to old ways. Due to some great luck or something (a really kind God??), I wasn't forced to wait long after that because my now-husband texted me that very night. I hesitantly replied because I was giving up all men for a while. But we have talked every single day since that text and now I can't imagine life without him. It was just crazy how it all happened. All just coincidence? Who knows. Maybe if I hadn't sorted it all out in my mind he still would have texted and I would still be here. Or maybe I would have ruined it between us somehow. I am just thankful I was clear in my mind of what I wanted because HE was it and I was sane enough to know it. |
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Post by baza on May 8, 2017 18:45:34 GMT -5
Another aspect of this "shit sorting" thing I have found, is that being in a great relationship (post ILIASM deal) greatly accelerated my "shit sorting" capabilities.
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Post by WindSister on May 9, 2017 8:31:58 GMT -5
Another aspect of this "shit sorting" thing I have found, is that being in a great relationship (post ILIASM deal) greatly accelerated my "shit sorting" capabilities. YES to this!!! |
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