What I Would Tell Pre-separation Me
Apr 27, 2016 2:10:25 GMT -5
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JMX, GeekGoddess, and 18 more like this
Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2016 2:10:25 GMT -5
This is specific to a no-kids, no problems other than sexlessness that could only be resolved by divorce situation.
1) You think this decision will only affect you (as you have no kids). Wrong. Your family will be affected (and they will have reactions which may not be supportive and you may care about that more than you think you would). Your friends will be affected and they will choose sides even if there are not really sides to be chosen (afterall you get along with your ex, but they don't bother to ask before making ASS-umptions).
2) There is alot to be said for security and pragmatic issues like having someone to share the joys as well as burdens of daily life, and shared health insurance in case one of you loses your job. Do you really want to lose that?
3) Read what already-divorced/separated people say are the pros and cons of their experiences.
4) Maybe take a long vacation alone to test-drive being single. Do you find yourself thinking, "Man my ex would love that I wish he were here to see it." What does that make you feel/think?
5) I don't know if I believe in divorce in cases where staying in the marriage is not more harmful than benign/beneficial.
6) Wherever you go, there you are. Just like changing jobs, losing weight, moving or any other changes you can make, you will still be the same person. If that's your problem, the solution is to change her insides, not her surroundings.
7) Some people view divorce as a moral failing and you will now wear a scarlet letter in their eyes: (and fuck those judgmental people but still be aware)
8) Talk to people about your troubles before they get too big so you can manage them with orderly transitions instead of letting them build until they end in messy explosions.
9) Take care of yourself. You deserve it. Even if you make mistakes, be kind. Be authoritative to yourself, not authoritarian.
10) Fuck this society which says sins (mistakes, weaknesses) can be forgiven but in fact will be used to beat you over the head for the rest of your life (unless you're independently wealthy and/or a politician):
11) Be prepared for emotions your never expected for reasons you never considered before.
12) Be prepared for practical/logistical challenges you haven't considered
13) You may not be good at certain things now, but you can learn and improve. Let everyone else tell you why you suck amd it will never change. You focus on the positives because you're your only advocate, and if you are against you how can you blame the rest of the haters?
14) security and comfort, like money, may not buy you happiness, but they can damn sure make unhappiness easier to cope with. You CAN get more miserable believe it or not.
15) stop regretting the past and focus on doing the best in the present to build a better future.
16) After you remove the conflict so you are only dealing with the positive aspects of your ex you may forget why you had to leave and that makes all of the above harder. Remeber why you left. Instead of focusing on what you lost, celebrate what you gained.
17) You're going to be so strong if you live through this
18) Go to sleep and do not write crap on the internet when you're 1/2 coherent at 0-gawd-awful AM
I'm sure (I sure hope?) perspective evolves as time goes by. I wonder what next year's me would tell this year's me?
1) You think this decision will only affect you (as you have no kids). Wrong. Your family will be affected (and they will have reactions which may not be supportive and you may care about that more than you think you would). Your friends will be affected and they will choose sides even if there are not really sides to be chosen (afterall you get along with your ex, but they don't bother to ask before making ASS-umptions).
2) There is alot to be said for security and pragmatic issues like having someone to share the joys as well as burdens of daily life, and shared health insurance in case one of you loses your job. Do you really want to lose that?
3) Read what already-divorced/separated people say are the pros and cons of their experiences.
4) Maybe take a long vacation alone to test-drive being single. Do you find yourself thinking, "Man my ex would love that I wish he were here to see it." What does that make you feel/think?
5) I don't know if I believe in divorce in cases where staying in the marriage is not more harmful than benign/beneficial.
6) Wherever you go, there you are. Just like changing jobs, losing weight, moving or any other changes you can make, you will still be the same person. If that's your problem, the solution is to change her insides, not her surroundings.
7) Some people view divorce as a moral failing and you will now wear a scarlet letter in their eyes: (and fuck those judgmental people but still be aware)
8) Talk to people about your troubles before they get too big so you can manage them with orderly transitions instead of letting them build until they end in messy explosions.
9) Take care of yourself. You deserve it. Even if you make mistakes, be kind. Be authoritative to yourself, not authoritarian.
10) Fuck this society which says sins (mistakes, weaknesses) can be forgiven but in fact will be used to beat you over the head for the rest of your life (unless you're independently wealthy and/or a politician):
11) Be prepared for emotions your never expected for reasons you never considered before.
12) Be prepared for practical/logistical challenges you haven't considered
13) You may not be good at certain things now, but you can learn and improve. Let everyone else tell you why you suck amd it will never change. You focus on the positives because you're your only advocate, and if you are against you how can you blame the rest of the haters?
14) security and comfort, like money, may not buy you happiness, but they can damn sure make unhappiness easier to cope with. You CAN get more miserable believe it or not.
15) stop regretting the past and focus on doing the best in the present to build a better future.
16) After you remove the conflict so you are only dealing with the positive aspects of your ex you may forget why you had to leave and that makes all of the above harder. Remeber why you left. Instead of focusing on what you lost, celebrate what you gained.
17) You're going to be so strong if you live through this
18) Go to sleep and do not write crap on the internet when you're 1/2 coherent at 0-gawd-awful AM
I'm sure (I sure hope?) perspective evolves as time goes by. I wonder what next year's me would tell this year's me?
