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Post by Copernicus on Feb 17, 2017 17:32:03 GMT -5
I'm a new member here, so apologies if this topic has been done to death already (although I couldn't find anything), but does anybody else feel as if they were given the 'old bait and switch' from their H/W? We dated for 5 years before we got married and my W was as horny as hell - she was like anytime, anyplace, anywhere. But then, no sex on our wedding night and hardly at all on honeymoon, and it's kinda been like that for the past 30yrs.
Night and day!! Anyone else??
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Post by dinnaken on Feb 17, 2017 17:41:19 GMT -5
Hi Copernicus, Essentially, it was the same in my marriage; after the wedding - nothing for some considerable time and very little sex thereafter.
With no experience of this situation (how could I have!) I really was at a loss as to what to do.
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Post by shamwow on Feb 17, 2017 17:48:20 GMT -5
Similar for me but 20 years in July for me. Sucks ass, don't it?
But I won't get to 30. Told her we are getting a divorce about a month ago.
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Post by jim44444 on Feb 17, 2017 20:20:53 GMT -5
There have been many on here and EP that got the bait and switch. I recall several that learned in therapy that their spouse was adverse to married sex because wives/husbands did not do 'dirty' stuff. People can be so fucked up. I wonder if she would get horny if you divorced and just lived together.
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 17, 2017 20:46:08 GMT -5
I was. Sex on wedding night. Honeymoon he didn't have sex until day 3. I felt rejected and confused then. We were just a mismatch. Took 23 years but I finally got a divorce.
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Post by rejected101 on Feb 17, 2017 21:00:24 GMT -5
Not quite the same for me but similar. In the early days sex was frequent, very frequent. Nothing new there because newness in a relationship does usually translate to frequent sexual encounters. That's life and I was expecting a dip. Then came the settled and stable part of the relationship where sex was 3 and sometimes 4 times per month. No problem! 3 times a month is a lot less than what I would personally pick but we can't have exactly what we want in life all the time. Then we got engaged and slowly she whittled it down to once a month. I always made excuses for her during that period such as, she's just a bit content, we're getting married and doing lots of planning which is stressful, she's changed jobs, we've bought our first house and moved, her mum has been unwell etc etc. Then came the wedding and I was convinced things would pick up. Wrong wrong wrong. Once a month was trimmed back to once every 5-6 weeks and sometimes pushed 7-8 weeks. Then came baby attempt 1 and all of a sudden twice a week was like a walk in the park. In fact fuck it let's fuck 3 or 4 times this week (as much as she offered in around 4-5 months based on where we had been). Then came pregnancy and sex was like finding a pot of gold at the bottom of the rainbow (just a fucking dream). Pregnancy brings its own unique changes to ladies so fair enough, I waited patiently and with understanding. Then came parenthood and back to a religious once every 6 weeks when she felt like some cock inside her. Then came baby attempt 2 and like magic, twice a week was like buttering a slice of bread. Then back to once every 6 weeks but chuck in an occasional 7,8 or even 9 week spell. Then when we had finally drifted dangerously far apart came marriage therapy and she had the nerve to say " I think our connection has gone". No fucking shit sweetheart. I wonder why!!!!! Maybe if you hadn't have given up on OUR sex life during our engagement our connection wouldn't have broken down so so badly. And yes it is supposed to be OUR sex life not fucking yours! Since then an effort has been made and we climbed to a higher but still fairly pathetic level but still I am often reminded of what 6 weeks of nothingness feels like. Still, there is always an expectation that I will be Mr happy clappy I want to spend forever in your arms and buy you flowers and chocolates every other day. I've gone from someone who frowned on affairs to someone who given the chance would probably grab it if I believed I could get away with it. Bait and switch? Probably not an intentional one but careless none the less and IF she had said 'this is how it's gonna be' during the engagement I probably wouldn't have tied the knot regardless of how much I genuinely love her. Instead I got "not tonight babe I've got a headache even though I haven't complained of one all day or so much as looked at a headache tablet. Not tonight I'm really tired (as she fucks around on the laptop for another 45 minutes in bed). "Not tonight baby my big toe is a little painful (ok that one is made up but no more or less pathetic than the others) I would have have honestly have preferred the once per month to drop completely away to nothing because I actually believe being reminded of how pleasant sex is in someways more torturous than having none at all and with none at all, I would have more willingly packed my bags.
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Post by rejected101 on Feb 17, 2017 21:01:54 GMT -5
I was. Sex on wedding night. Honeymoon he didn't have sex until day 3. I felt rejected and confused then. We were just a mismatch. Took 23 years but I finally got a divorce. My honeymoon was completely dry. I think the sand had more moisture.
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Post by cc on Feb 17, 2017 21:02:17 GMT -5
My H was a virgin. He was saving himself for marriage. I was a bad girl. LOL I loved that he had such a strong conviction and was holding to it. But we made out so much. He seemed very into me. We did make love on our wedding night and it was pretty perfect. I think because we didn't have sex before that we had a great time afterwards. He was saved up, ya know. LOL That lasted for a bit. I would say around year 2 or 3 I started noticing the long dry spells. It only got worse from there. Now it happens because he has found it resets the entire cycle for him. He doesn't want a divorce and he hates how I feel. This is the worst sex ever, by the way. Like, come on, let me have sex with you so you will be okay for a few months.
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Post by rejected101 on Feb 17, 2017 21:13:01 GMT -5
My H was a virgin. He was saving himself for marriage. I was a bad girl. LOL I loved that he had such a strong conviction and was holding to it. But we made out so much. He seemed very into me. We did make love on our wedding night and it was pretty perfect. I think because we didn't have sex before that we had a great time afterwards. He was saved up, ya know. LOL That lasted for a bit. I would say around year 2 or 3 I started noticing the long dry spells. It only got worse from there. Now it happens because he has found it resets the entire cycle for him. He doesn't want a divorce and he hates how I feel. This is the worst sex ever, by the way. Like, come on, let me have sex with you so you will be okay for a few months. He doesn't want a divorce (same as mrs rejected101) and hates how I feel (same or similar to mrs rejected101). And yet they are willing to do nothing to change it. Does your other half shown any signs of enjoying sex when it happens?
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Post by cc on Feb 17, 2017 21:21:02 GMT -5
He does seem to enjoy it. He says I am sexy as hell. Calls me a hot babe. It is all very confusing for me. I feel like a doll on a shelf...he admires me and likes that I am his, but he doesn't play with me. LOL
I think it is a reaction. I mean, build up from sex, results in an orgasm. He just has no need for it. Like none. He says he is fine with how things are. But to him 1 time is a big deal and should have lasting effects. LOL It just makes it harder on me, truly. It is like waking up and I want more. I told him this recently and he has been staying away.
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Post by baza on Feb 17, 2017 21:25:57 GMT -5
To cut to the chase, you may have ended up in your ILIASM shithole because of "bait and switch". You may have ended up in your ILIASM shithole because of any number of reasons (you will read plenty of such reasons in here, some of them real doozies).
But the fact of the matter - and the core problem is - that you ARE in an ILIASM shithole. "Why" that is so is a peripheral question. A side bar. And whether you know the answer to "why" or whether you don't, does not alter the fact that you ARE in an ILIASM shithole one iota.
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Post by rejected101 on Feb 17, 2017 21:35:21 GMT -5
He does seem to enjoy it. He says I am sexy as hell. Calls me a hot babe. It is all very confusing for me. I feel like a doll on a shelf...he admires me and likes that I am his, but he doesn't play with me. LOL I think it is a reaction. I mean, build up from sex, results in an orgasm. He just has no need for it. Like none. He says he is fine with how things are. But to him 1 time is a big deal and should have lasting effects. LOL It just makes it harder on me, truly. It is like waking up and I want more. I told him this recently and he has been staying away. Snap. My mrs is just the same. Seems to show genuine pleasure and joy in it but then that's that for a while until she is really hungry again. Unfortunately I have to totally suppress my appetite until such a time that she nudges me and says "I'm hungry, fancy a shag".
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Post by cc on Feb 17, 2017 21:45:57 GMT -5
It is one of the hardest things ever. Truly.
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Post by mirrororchid on Sept 30, 2022 5:06:44 GMT -5
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Post by angeleyes65 on Oct 6, 2022 17:06:18 GMT -5
I think this is the large majority of stories whether it all changed after the wedding, kids or like me later in life. For the first 10-15 years sex was frequent. He actually told me at one point if I ever did like some of his friends's wife making them work to get it he would he would put source. I liked sex and even if I wasn't dying for it at the moment never considered it a chore so wasn't an issue . Fast forward to year 15 where he had a hard time making time for sex.. too tired at bedtime and didn't want to give up tv, video games to make time. Then he discovered porn and had a lot of time to pleasure himself. When I complained he accused me of only wanting him for his D***. Basically acted like I was a nympho... Yeah I was the one with the sex addiction lol
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