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Post by unmatched on Apr 25, 2016 18:02:22 GMT -5
Well, it looks like we are done. With counselling looming we were talking last night and my W said she couldn't be what I wanted and still be herself, and I know I can't be what she wants, and we both felt that this has been tearing us apart. So we agreed to split. I didn't sleep much, and I am not sure the feelings have really kicked in yet, but I was walking the dog this morning and watching the sun come up and I felt something inside me just relax. It might be far from ideal but I am sure in myself it is the right thing to do.
Her (psychotic) mother is coming to stay in a few weeks from overseas, and she really doesn't want to deal with having to talk to her about it, so I think we are going to live together for a month in separate bedrooms and not tell anyone until after her visit. Obviously if things get really hard we might have to review that, but we are both pretty good at living together so I think we have a fair chance of making it work. And in some ways it could be a good thing. It will give us time to get used to the idea and figure out what is best for us and our son going forwards. And I am hoping it might help us ease into the transition and start relating differently, as I still care about her a great deal and would like her to be part of my life if that will work.
I think the hardest thing so far is seeing her very upset and wanting to step in and try to make it all better.
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Post by bballgirl on Apr 25, 2016 18:16:22 GMT -5
I understand the relaxed feeling. I felt that way after I told my ex I wanted a divorce. There is a peace that comes to you when you know you are heading towards an authentic life for yourself. Your wife could feel that same way too. The key thing is to stay amicable for the sake of your son and it sounds like you guys are very respectful of each other. Things have a way of working out. Everything will fall into place.  |
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Post by unmatched on Apr 25, 2016 18:20:46 GMT -5
I understand the relaxed feeling. I felt that way after I told my ex I wanted a divorce. There is a peace that comes to you when you know you are heading towards an authentic life for yourself. Your wife could feel that same way too. The key thing is to stay amicable for the sake of your son and it sounds like you guys are very respectful of each other. Things have a way of working out. Everything will fall into place. Thank you - I really hope so! |
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Post by JMX on Apr 25, 2016 18:45:21 GMT -5
Geez. That came to a head quickly - even before counseling. Please consider keeping the counseling appointment for yourself.
You seem to be taking it pretty well in the present, but please take care of yourself. This is a shocking turn of events and will be very upsetting on and off over the next couple of months. Even your psychotic MIL will trigger some feelings in you.
Thinking of you!!
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Post by unmatched on Apr 25, 2016 18:55:29 GMT -5
Geez. That came to a head quickly - even before counseling. Please consider keeping the counseling appointment for yourself. You seem to be taking it pretty well in the present, but please take care of yourself. This is a shocking turn of events and will be very upsetting on and off over the next couple of months. Even your psychotic MIL will trigger some feelings in you. Thinking of you!! Thanks for that. We are going to go to the counselling appointment together and try and use it to start hashing out how we are going to make this work and childcare and living arrangements and all that. I think it can't hurt having a third voice from someone who has presumably seen a lot of couples breaking up. |
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Post by JMX on Apr 25, 2016 19:05:35 GMT -5
unmatched - it will be easier to wade through everything I am sure. Try to go with a plan then on the issues you need to talk about - and then tick them off as you discuss them. Start with living arrangements and child care. Once those two things are figured out - you should be able to get the other stuff done pretty easily, I would think.
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Post by TMD on Apr 25, 2016 19:39:10 GMT -5
I had been thinking today about something you had said about your wife. Can't reminder what it was specifically, but I'm not surprised to read this. Work towards establishing a plan to separate; hopefully the Counselor can help you both with that.
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Post by misssunnybunny on Apr 25, 2016 19:46:19 GMT -5
I understand the relaxed feeling. I felt that way after I told my ex I wanted a divorce. There is a peace that comes to you when you know you are heading towards an authentic life for yourself. Your wife could feel that same way too. The key thing is to stay amicable for the sake of your son and it sounds like you guys are very respectful of each other. Things have a way of working out. Everything will fall into place. I felt the same way after I said I wanted a divorce. It is like all the tension behind saying those words, finally expressing my needs, was gone with that short yet so difficult statement. I wish you all the best as you work through the separation process. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2016 20:22:02 GMT -5
As challenging as things have become, I remember that feeling of relief. For a while, my STBX and I actually got along much better without the strain of having to pretend our marriage was okay.
Wishing clarity and continued calm for you as you start this process.
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Done
Apr 25, 2016 20:23:27 GMT -5
Post by unmatched on Apr 25, 2016 20:23:27 GMT -5
As challenging as things have become, I remember that feeling of relief. For a while, my STBX and I actually got along much better without the strain of having to pretend our marriage was okay. Wishing clarity and continued calm for you as you start this process. Thank you. I will be strenuously trying to avoid lawyers as much as humanly possible! |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2016 20:57:33 GMT -5
Good Luck.
I have to admit, this sort of thing always hits me square in the gut. So much down the drain.
I'm sure you'll be fine and much better off in the long run.
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Post by unmatched on Apr 25, 2016 21:09:17 GMT -5
Good Luck. I have to admit, this sort of thing always hits me square in the gut. So much down the drain. I'm sure you'll be fine and much better off in the long run. I am with you, but chasing after bad investments is worse. Also a friend of mine said something recently about the atmosphere in our house that made me think this has been having more of an impact on my son than I had previously thought. I just don't think watching two people living together amicably but not really being happy, and then picking up on all the emotional undercurrents that go with that, is any way to grow up and learn about life. And he will be at home for another 10 years yet. So I have decided to become a poster child for positive divorce and co-parenting. With me luck! |
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Done
Apr 25, 2016 21:14:14 GMT -5
JMX likes this
Post by DryCreek on Apr 25, 2016 21:14:14 GMT -5
Her (psychotic) mother is coming to stay in a few weeks from overseas, and she really doesn't want to deal with having to talk to her about it, so I think we are going to live together for a month in separate bedrooms and not tell anyone until after her visit. Is MIL really so dense that she won't pickup on the vibe while she's living with you for weeks? And you're sleeping in separate bedrooms? |
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Post by unmatched on Apr 25, 2016 21:19:57 GMT -5
Her (psychotic) mother is coming to stay in a few weeks from overseas, and she really doesn't want to deal with having to talk to her about it, so I think we are going to live together for a month in separate bedrooms and not tell anyone until after her visit. Is MIL really so dense that she won't pickup on the vibe while she's living with you for weeks? And you're sleeping in separate bedrooms? MIL doesn't even live on this planet. She is doped up to the eyeballs on anti-depressants and anti-psychotics and is so narcissistic she wouldn't notice Godzilla in our living room so long as we leave the mirrors uncovered. She was also widowed a couple of years ago, so it will be all about her and whether she feels strong enough to get up and do anything today. Her grandson won't get more than a dozen words the whole time, and she will just harp on and on at my wife about whatever uncensored criticising crap passes through her brain. I am more concerned about our ability to get through the visit without punching her or throwing her out in the street. [Does that sound bitter?] |
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Done
Apr 25, 2016 21:46:32 GMT -5
Post by DryCreek on Apr 25, 2016 21:46:32 GMT -5
She sounds like a sad case. It's hard to be a polite host to someone like that, let alone for weeks.
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