I'm seeking answers on what you think love and marriage should be.
The answers for what it is and isn't, roughly correspond to how I felt when I asked my then-wife to marry me and when I finally chose to split.
I asked her to marry me not long after I was returning home after a weekend business trip and realized I couldn't wait to see her. She had become a vital part of "home" for me.
When I finally committed made the decision to split, I was very surprised to feel not just the loss of what was, but also to mourn the loss of an imagined future together. Christmases, growing old etc. From this, I learned that marriage should include a shared belief in a common future together and some level of joy in that.
I think this is partly why spouses who are celibate (whether willingly or not), cheating, or otherwise mismatched end up devoting so much of their energies to delaying, complicating, and obfuscating what's clear to both of them. This is most pronounced when a member of a couple who has been celibate for years moves out of the bedroom, or has an affair, and the other partner reacts poorly to it. It's because confronting the obvious truth gives it form, and this jeopardizes the belief in the common future.
When that happens, the "marriage" is over. Even for the sexually averse partner, the affair or simply sleeping in another bed is an external signal that they are not partners in marriage. They might be partners in other things, but not in love or marriage.
I have a cooperative arrangement with my ex-wife that's more amicable than many married couples I've seen. But neither of us has any illusion that we're partners to each other.
Last Edit: Oct 7, 2021 0:25:00 GMT -5 by Apocrypha
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mirrororchid: Hi Lanie, ILIASM ate my welcome from a few days back. Glad you found us.
Sept 15, 2021 18:57:29 GMT -5
worksforme2: My apologies to you baz and your fellow Australians for sleepy Joe forgetting PM Morrisons name...he forgets names on a pretty regular basis. Ask Scott not to take it personal...
Sept 16, 2021 11:42:16 GMT -5
baza: Scott is eminently forgettable so don't worry. Jimmy Carter did the same thing in the 70's with our PM of the time, Fraser.
Sept 17, 2021 18:29:58 GMT -5
worksforme2: One more thing baz...for the immediate future be careful around anyone with a French accent....the frogs are a little miffed at the moment
Sept 18, 2021 15:16:14 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hey lessingham.....how is your relationship with that nephew these days?
Sept 19, 2021 11:32:27 GMT -5
worksforme2: I made an appointment to get my booster shot for Covid19. I had to answer all kinds of security questions. Never thought that an imposter might show up and try to get my shot.
Oct 5, 2021 10:01:50 GMT -5
worksforme2: UPDATE: Booster shot try failed...The booster was a Pfizer. My 1st shots were Moderna, so they would not give me the Pfizer booster. Looks like I'll be waiting for a while.
Oct 8, 2021 5:28:32 GMT -5
worksforme2: WOW h, ...you gave my post in Because we all need a laugh the like response 24 times....that must be a record
Oct 12, 2021 19:53:20 GMT -5
jerri: worksforme2 member h Probably has some sort of trojan horse on his phone/computer and it is acting up. I know when mine needs to at least be restarted because I will send the same text multiple times when I only sent one.
Oct 13, 2021 2:02:48 GMT -5
worksforme2: Trojan horse you say...I thought the Greeks chopped that thing up for firewood after they conquered Troy....looks like maybe someone repurposed it....
Oct 13, 2021 8:17:19 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday greatcoastal......
Oct 14, 2021 3:51:08 GMT -5
greatcoastal: Thanks worksforme2! I've got the day off, and will be with my woman this evening!
Oct 14, 2021 6:12:35 GMT -5