The Worst Day of my Life (so far)

shamwow Full respect to your courageous actions.

Of course seeing a 2018 timeline is a bit shocking - you pre-empted any comments very precisely - so nothing from me on that respectfully.    

The main thing - myself and everyone who read this - must see the courage and honesty here and paternal love and even compassion for your wife.

It is inspiring for me and helps alleviate this "All is Doom" feeling which thru my ignorance and imagination seems unavoidable about the D Word.  

Just yesterday I asked my wife if I brought any joy in her life and she just gave me a funny mean look - like I was annoying her. My time will come soon enough.

It is truly amazing what you can accomplish when you don't care who "wins". We both have the same top priority. Our kids.

If I can show her respect and dignity in this process why shouldn't I? The only thing required on my part is to try to put aside the hurt and treat her with the respect I would give any human being.

As Baza says, this is "working on my own shit". I'll have a hell of a lot more effect there than working on hers.

It ain't easy but I'm a grown ass man, not a child.

Trust me.  2018 is frustrating as hell for me.  That will mark 4 years of celibacy.  Nobody is more aware of how long that will be than I, and thanks for respecting it.

Somebody asked me if I was "empathic" in the way I am dealing with this.  Not in the slightest.  I am being selfish as hell.  But I also believe in win-win situations.  In my business dealings and personal dealings, they have always served me well.

By staying and softening the blow for my kids and even my wife, I am making this process easier for them.  My teenage kids face the least disruption due to the peculiarities of school district lines, and will be a little bit older and better able to process this.  That is a win for them.  My wife gets the ability to save face (we just grew apart is nobody's "fault").  She also has the opportunity with full support to get up on her own two feet.  That is her win.  What is the win for me?  Hopefully, a somewhat intact family where the only thing that changes is that my wife and I are merely friends rather than lovers.  I can also hold my head up high, and say that although my marriage was not successful, the way I handled the parting was with honor.  I can be proud of that.

So I'm pursuing my own selfish interests, but that doesn't mean everyone else (or anyone else) has to lose.

Thanks, King.

Before yesterday, I had cried 4 times in my adult life.  Today, I am up to 7.  By the end of the week, who the hell knows.

The reason for this is that going in, I had no idea how she would react.  Like you, I game-planned 5 or 6 different conversations depending on how she received my words.  In retrospect, I planned too much.  My letter was critical since it kept me talking, and made sure I said everything I wanted to.  Once that was out, though, I needed to shut up and listen to what she thought.  It takes two of us.

Now, in my situation, my wife was shocked, but was not openly mocking.  However, that is one of the eventualities I planned for.  If she had been, my post today might not seem so serene and compassionate.  However, because I went in with open hands, being a man, and ready to take the first hit, no matter what her reaction she had, I would be able to walk out with my head held high.  That counts for a hell of a lot in my book, and from your posts, I suspect it does for you as well.

Good luck to you, brother, and if you want to PM, you know where to find me.

Similar but not the same thing. The binding financial agreement can take place from within the marriage. After it goes into effect the assets are then divided according to the agreement even though the marriage is still in effect. I like to think of it as a "post-nuptual agreement". The perspective is that you already know how things should be divided and the attorney merely draws up the papers.

At that point a plain vanilla divorce can be put into effect at will since all the relevant issues have been decided.

A collaborative divorce on the other hand wraps it all up at the same time. Neither party need be in agreement when meeting with the lawyers. At the end of that process, the assets are allocated and the marriage is dissolved after presentation before a judge.

Baza can you confirm?

I said I talked to my wife unarmed. I never said anything about unprepared though.

Sorry if I'm sounding to much like a father! Just wanting to share what I have learned from my recent experience, and wishing I had as much info from others experience. Especially in my local area, that for some reason has been hard to find. Just my giving nature, looking out for your best interests.
By the way, my big melt down with tears was after church, one of the men was there for me, at a new church with a powerful sermon last year about gaining ground, and finding your joy. A month or two later came my divorce announcement.

The only thing that leaves me scratching my head is that you'll continue to share a bed. No good will come of that. At the very least it sends mixed, confusing messages to her. And at worst it opens you to a lot of risk. She could say anything. Or she could move on you in your sleep. Next thing you know she's pregnant or accusing you of assault. I'm really failing to see the upside. Appearances for the kids?