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Post by obobfla on Apr 22, 2016 18:34:03 GMT -5
I want to stay out more, but I go home to see my son. Lately, we have been drawing closer as we get more frustrated with my wife. Her schizo-affective disorder seems to getting worse, and she forgets what other people want or feel. This morning, she woke me up at 3 just to tell me something. She constantly barges into my son's room. I have to admit there are times I look forward to Monday mornings?  |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2016 23:44:34 GMT -5
Just finished a fab work out. Then rewarded self with a latte. And I'm on this site goofin' around. I'm stalling. Don't want to go home. But feel guilty because need to tuck kiddos into bed, sing their song. Am I the only one who avoids the homestead? Yes, I used to. |
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Post by tamara68 on Apr 23, 2016 3:42:57 GMT -5
I can imagine that! Something I am looking forward to very much. |
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Post by tamara68 on Apr 23, 2016 3:47:32 GMT -5
I want to stay out more, but I go home to see my son. Lately, we have been drawing closer as we get more frustrated with my wife. Her schizo-affective disorder seems to getting worse, and she forgets what other people want or feel. This morning, she woke me up at 3 just to tell me something. She constantly barges into my son's room. I have to admit there are times I look forward to Monday mornings? Monday mornings, always a relief to have made it through the weekend! I am not looking forward to the holidays... one or two weeks at home is hard to endure. My husband is at home all day. |
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Post by deleted on Apr 23, 2016 11:15:48 GMT -5
I avoid going home. When I am home, I start drinking. Now that the weather is nice, I spend time working in my yard. I also go out and play music. I could go on and on about this, but it's time to shuttle the kids around.
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 23, 2016 11:42:20 GMT -5
Honestly I don't have to "avoid" my wife to much. Being the manipulative controller that she is, she has done a dang good job of ignoring me and clinging to the rest of the family. After 12 hours of parenting children I would face rejection towards my way of parenting, and teaching. Who want's that? So after all day with the kids, I decided to retreat to my paintings and music. No wonder I have over 100 paintings!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2016 11:44:29 GMT -5
No wonder I have over 100 paintings! Would you be willing to post pictures of some of them? I'd love to see your work. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 23, 2016 11:52:21 GMT -5
No wonder I have over 100 paintings! Would you be willing to post pictures of some of them? I'd love to see your work. Thank you for that! Sure, I'll try to figure that out! I go for solitude, power, and happiness, in my paintings. |
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Post by LITW on May 2, 2016 9:30:56 GMT -5
I stayed in my bedroom a lot. My ex husband stayed downstairs until very, very late at night. That way he was sure I was asleep as I left the house early for work.  I do that. The bedroom is now mine as the roommate has chosen to sleep elsewhere. So when he's home, I often retreat there after kiddos in bed. That said, my grandparents shared a house; grandpa upstairs, grandma downstairs. She'd come up to cook. My aunt also lived there. When dinner was ready, grandma would say to whomever was near, "tell him supper is ready." Even if he was in the room. They stopped speaking to one another some point. I definitely don't want to be like them. When I was still married to my ex, I had neighbors who were my grandparents age. They had a very large ranch style house and they each had their own bedroom--at opposite ends of the house. Although she ate at home, he always went out to eat ... so they never ate together, and I never saw them standing or sitting within six feet of each other, although they were pleasant to each other. I definitely don't want to be like them! |
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Post by eternaloptimism on May 2, 2016 12:31:09 GMT -5
I'm sure it's common. I'll bet workaholism is rampant here. Yeah, I'm a bit of a workaholic and love it when I get to stay away on business. Hi btw, new here  |
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2016 13:19:29 GMT -5
I'm sure it's common. I'll bet workaholism is rampant here. Yeah, I'm a bit of a workaholic and love it when I get to stay away on business. Hi btw, new here Welcome. |
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Post by petrushka on May 2, 2016 13:30:32 GMT -5
Referring back to trulymadlydeeply's post about the grandparents:
"Tell him supper is ready".
Omg - that tripped a memory. My father was a sailor. He was never home, driving his oil tankers across the seas, until I was 8. Then he came home to study to be a pilot. I was over the moon. "Dad, look at this", "Dad, what do you think about that" ... he brushed me off, ignored me or started shouting at me. The only thing I was good for was to hold the ladder when he was on the roof, or to help him with revisions. No. Emotional. Connection. Ever.
After a year of that I refused to call him dad. It was always 'him over there' for the next, oh, decade or so. Never again 'dad'. Yeah, he was an orphan, yeah, he has no social skills, yeah, he's been full of conspiracy theories and paranoia all his life - explain that to a kid. And never mind whether the explanation that makes perfect sense or not, it does not make him any more lovable. I haven't had a single sensible adult conversation with the man all my life.
***
Incidentally, when my marriage turned to shit, say between '03 and '09, I used to just hide at my computer. Read, write, play games. Funny that her previous (2nd) husband had done the same, she hated it. No workplace to get away to, I'm not the kind to go out on the farm at 6 am and get back at 9 pm.
Since I landed on EP, got a clue and put the word out, that is no longer happening. I really do not believe in counter-refusal, in revenge, retaliation, whatever. It does not improve anything, it does not make me feel better, it just makes everything worse. When she comes into the room I pause whatever I am doing and turn around. She is no longer afraid to come in, most of the time.
It's just when she's having a bad time in herself, I am having a bad time, too. Not because she takes it out on me as such, I just pick it up, I can't defend myself. When the shutters go down on her face, I feel like shit, never mind if it's my fault of her problems. That's when I feel like running away, some times. Just can't stand looking at a dead face, a pursed mouth.
If you want to be in my life, don't block me out ........ otherwise it will go to hell in a handbasket really quickly.
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Post by TMD on May 4, 2016 22:00:34 GMT -5
petrushka - in both of your vignettes/insights into Petrushka's life, what is common is the behaviour of, "turning toward," or in your dad's case, turning away. How powerful it is that you acknowledge your wife when she comes into the room, how you warmed her up by giving her that courtesy. As compared to your dad completely shutting you out, and when your wife does the same. Your words tugged at my heart. Sending you hugs and wishes for open shutters
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2016 9:24:34 GMT -5
There were times when I'd go less than the speed limit, exit the expressway three exits before mine, get stuck in traffic, stop at the store for shit we didn't need, all to avoid going home.
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Post by wewbwb on May 5, 2016 9:44:52 GMT -5
There were times when I'd go less than the speed limit, exit the expressway three exits before mine, get stuck in traffic, stop at the store for shit we didn't need, all to avoid going home. I work about 1.5 miles away from home. Some days it takes me a 1/2 hour to get there and another 15 minutes to go inside. I always say - "oh just listening to the audio book" |
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