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Post by mirrororchid on Dec 20, 2021 4:52:00 GMT -5
...after catching him watching so much porn and the nasty and disgusting kind, I asked him why he didn't even try anymore with me, he told me that the type of porn he enjoyed watching he didn't want to associate it with me. So, that made me feel worse than ever. What was I to think.. porn was better than me.so, years went by and then I noticed ED was effecting him. He finally saw a Dr. and only safe way was Trimix injections. So, he buys it last year and only have used it twice. Now, he just won't even talk about it. So, we have no sex life at all. Our marriage is strong but lacking anything sexual. I miss the closeness we had. I am just so lost on this situation between us. Later, I found out that he was chatting with over 1000 women, about his sexual fantasies and even met up with hookers. He said only 4 he met up with and 1 even gave him his money back cuz ED and with the other 3, he wasn't able to engage in anything sexual. I told him no more porn or anything pertaining to sex, he wasn't to watch. I know he switch our browser to Duckduck Go, so I have no way of knowing if he is still watching anything sexual. I am just so lost and don't know what else to do. Welcome, SuzieQ60, and....sorry you're here. Your story is very similar to ILIASM member jerri . You may want to look at some of her posts. She effected a solution you could use, if you find it acceptable. Given your husbands purchase of four prostitutes, you certainly cannot be judged, if you do. Trimex safer than Viagra? The only safety mention had to do with taking nitrates for chest pain. That would fit with ED associated with atherosclerosis which is a common cause of impotence. Is he overweight? Terrible diet? Atherosclerosis reducing his capabilities may get compounded by "death grip". The need to increase pressure enough to still stimulate an organ losing its function to the point of causing damage. jerri may be dealing with this and other ILIASM members suspect as much. Is he averse to pleasuring you without his main equipment? Would this help you feel appreciated? Is he sympathetic to your normal, natural sexual desire? Has the doctor considered or would he consider diluted nitroglycerine ointment to be used on the skin in the groin area? It has the same mechanism as Viagra but at lower dosage and targeted to the area you're trying to treat. www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/where-to-buy-nitroglycerin-gel-for-ed#aboutI would think this is less risky than putting a needle in spongy liquid filled tissue. Not to mention less cringeworthy. It may be that your hubby may have had this porn habit all along, but until he had ED, you didn't mind because he could manage both. Porn may be adequate to overcome the ED, but he can't stand the idea of using it while being with you. He's ashamed of it. Your demand he stop and description of it do nothing to stop that shame (not to say it isn't worthy of shame...I haven't seen it and you haven't said and I may not wish to know.) You say it's better than you. I suspect he doesn't feel that way and it may be so much worse if he did associate "nasty" porn with you. How would you feel if he wanted to re-enact it with you. Needed it that way every time? He's worried what you would say and think. Not without good reason, it sound like. Duck Duck Go is a search engine that helps you find sites. What he's likely doing is using "Incognito mode" which makes the browser retain no records of where he's been. There are ways to intercept traffic at the router, but let me advise against it. It accomplishes nothing. It'll just inspire him to be sneakier. The medical/psychological problem gets compounded by issues of distrust. Addicts do what's necessary to get their addiction taken care of until they are ready to quit. Sex being a natural drive, his is a very difficult addiction to shake. It's normal to engage in some of your vice. You want him to engage in sexual activity. So quitting cold turkey isn't even desirable. (Food addiction is wretched that same way.) Many many addicts cannot quit for the sake of those they love. Porn addiction can fall into the same iron-grip category and I'd hope you don't take his failure personally. If it were easy, it wouldn't be an addiction. My suggestion that you consider jerri 's route allows you to continue all the good stuff about your marriage yet achieve biological validation. Some ILIASM members just cannot entertain that option. I hope you'll explore some posts and ask questions. We'll show you around and we like to hear about progress in your decisions and transition to something more acceptable. PS. You posted duplicates of your introduction. If you'd like to remove a few, you can click the arrow next to the gear button on your posts and select "Delete Post". Optional. Accidents happen. And better to keep them all than lose your post.
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creep
New Member
Posts: 10
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Post by creep on Dec 28, 2021 7:50:37 GMT -5
Our marriage is strong but lacking anything sexual. Hi suzieq60I don’t know whether it’s the devil’s advocate in me (or just the devil), but… Is it safe to say, then, that your husband doesn’t have a problem at all? You permit this infidelity so he can have all the the sexual gratification he wants on his terms. And he need not concern himself with your desires or your pain: that is your problem. Is that correct? This is his strong marriage. Do you think he could endorse this statement for us?
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Post by angeleyes65 on Dec 28, 2021 9:52:24 GMT -5
@ SuzieQ60 I lived this short of meeting hookers ( that I know of) he did not get injections refused to see a specialist. He did get Viagra from his psychiatrist but it didn't help. The porn and constant masterbation broke him physically/ mentally to getting an erection. It's nice that the marriage is strong but hard to keep it that way when someone shows no concern over how their actions are affecting you. Wish you the best. Put yourself first someone needs to. If the addiction was drugs and he refused help would you stay? People don't look at it the same but it is. My stories are out there the original ep version went away I came to this site after I had left. But feel free to check out my posts.
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Post by independence on Dec 31, 2021 17:47:38 GMT -5
Hi all,
I've been married for ten years and have two children. Apart from their conception, there's been very little intimacy between me and my wife. I'm 37. She's 44.
The worst of it is that I have a high libido. She either has a very low libido or she's asexual.
It's a very lonely experience, as I'm sure you can all understand.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 1, 2022 9:04:04 GMT -5
Welcome to the forum independance....pretty common symptions in a SM and lonlines goes along with the other undesirable aspects of the relationship, Hopefully as you read you will find some thing that are usefull for you.
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Post by independence on Jan 1, 2022 10:05:07 GMT -5
Welcome to the forum independance....pretty common symptions in a SM and lonlines goes along with the other undesirable aspects of the relationship, Hopefully as you red you will find some thing that are usefull for you. Thank you, worksforme2. It's been interesting to read other people's stories. It's also interesting to see lots of women here. I assumed it was mostly us men that suffered in a SM situation.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 1, 2022 11:48:19 GMT -5
Welcome to the forum independance....pretty common symptions in a SM and lonlines goes along with the other undesirable aspects of the relationship, Hopefully as you red you will find some thing that are usefull for you. Thank you, worksforme2. It's been interesting to read other people's stories. It's also interesting to see lots of women here. I assumed it was mostly us men that suffered in a SM situation. When and if you feel ready you should post your relationship history with your W to the SM theme category. Keeping it there makes for easier acces for other members and easier for you to reread your old posts.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 1, 2022 18:57:00 GMT -5
At least in the US, most states are community property states in which in divorce cases, the husband and wife are each expected to get 50% of the assets (except for assets due to inheritance) and be responsible for 50% of debts. Whether or not a partner cheated has nothing to do with how assets are split. Also, to get a divorce, only one partner has to agree to the divorce. So, friends, before taking up mum3athome's offer (which could be a scam), see a lawyer first. Often the first visit is free.
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Post by baza on Jan 2, 2022 2:27:00 GMT -5
Like Sister northstarmom says above. The courts (in most jurisdictions) are not greatly interested in a "who fucked who" scenario. You can spend a whole lot of time and energy going down that road. Time and energy that is best directed at getting out of the bad marriage as amicably as possible.
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Post by catlover on Jan 2, 2022 8:43:59 GMT -5
I am 100% sure mum3athome's post is a scam
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Post by angeleyes65 on Jan 2, 2022 10:29:49 GMT -5
independence welcome it's always nice to know you aren't alone. I seen your comment that you assumed it was mostly men with this issue. So did I ,which really tanked myself esteem for awhile it really helped knowing it wasn't uncommon for women either.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Jan 2, 2022 11:21:24 GMT -5
I am 100% sure mum3athome's post is a scam I agree it sounds like just an advertisement.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jan 3, 2022 6:01:56 GMT -5
Welcome to the forum independence... pretty common symptoms in a SM and loneliness goes along with the other undesirable aspects of the relationship, Hopefully as you red you will find some things that are useful for you. I've been married for ten years and have two children. Apart from their conception, there's been very little intimacy between me and my wife. I'm 37. She's 44. The worst of it is that I have a high libido. She either has a very low libido or she's asexual. It's a very lonely experience, as I'm sure you can all understand.
Thank you, worksforme2. It's been interesting to read other people's stories. It's also interesting to see lots of women here. I assumed it was mostly us men that suffered in a SM situation. As recommended by WorksForMe2, if you'd like to give us the laydown on one of the categories, it'll get more responses over a longer period of time and some terrific members of ILIASM only show up once a month and are worth hearing from. "SM Issues" is a common choice of category for a post about one's relationship history (if you're up for it.). "Choosing to Stay" might be preferred if you steadfastly reject separation or divorce options. As a courtesy, replies to posts in this category will generally avoid discussing ending the relationship. Got married when she was 34? Just taking a wild guess here: Both your kids are older than 7? I'm of the hypothesis refusing wives are far more common. The fairly even ratio here reflects: 1) Women are less averse to seeking out support and advice as well as sharing their frustration/despair. 2) Men are less inclined to type on a support board and take action such as divorce, an affair, get a hooker, visit a massage parlor, pressure the Mrs., or engage in substance abuse or initiate other dreadful self-destructive ideas. So, welcome welcome to a place to vent, find kindred spirits and, I dare say, some solid advice for your path forward.
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Post by stephen on Jan 4, 2022 6:02:50 GMT -5
My wife and I have been married for twenty nine years with one child. The marriage has been technically sexless (less than ten times a year) for all except perhaps the first year and actually sexless (zero) for twenty seven months. After the first couple of years we’ve rarely managed more than twice and most years it has been once.
We were both active Christians when we got married and had abstained from sex before marriage. I have stayed married because I love her very much. Some time about four or five years in we considered breaking up, but after spending a month apart we got back together.
I’m the biggest fool in the world because I keep thinking something will change. Occasionally she says she wants to change, but nothing ever comes from it. You would think after 29 years I’d get the hint.
I crave intimacy. I’ve said I’d like for us both to just get undressed, go to bed naked and cuddle. No pressure for anything more to develop. I love the feeling of intimacy from full body to body skin contact, but this never really happens either except post the very occasional sex.
I never see her naked either. She doesn’t even get changed in the same room as me. If I’m in the bedroom when she is getting changed she takes her clothes into the bathroom to change.
We have a great relationship otherwise and for her everything is good, but for me the lack of sex is like a wound every day. We don’t talk about it often but it’s always there in my mind. I feel like a failure. Like a better man than me could arouse her interest, but my approach, or appearance or something about me is such a turn off. I feel like a stronger man would have left the marriage much earlier (before our son was born). I feel like after twenty nine years I have left it too long to have any legitimate reason to hope or expect anything to change now and I should just make peace with the fact that I won’t have sex.
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Post by Handy on Jan 4, 2022 6:46:28 GMT -5
Stephen Like a better man than me could arouse her interest, but my approach, or appearance or something about me is such a turn off.
Sexual activities does not require perfect people, so being a better you is not the issue. Your W just has a very low sex drive and that is where the problem resides.
Some people do not need physical or sexual contacts to be happy and your W might fit that pattern. Sometimes religious beliefs hamper sexual desires. Sometimes it can be a hundred other things that cut off sexual and physical needs.
You sound normal so forget about the "if I was a better man" attitude. All kinds of less than perfect individuals have a satisfying sexual life.
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