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Post by mesulina on May 3, 2020 1:40:25 GMT -5
So glad I found this sight. I have been married 32 years. We use to have great sex until 3 years ago. We have two grown children a grand child on the way. I work FT. My husband works too. I so very miss the physical touching and everything that goes with it. The reason for this? I am too fat and unattractive. He is an alcoholic and smokes like a chimney. He cannot will not quit either one. He has ED. Sex def not good. So rather than taking time to try we do not try at all. I still want it though.
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Post by baza on May 3, 2020 3:22:54 GMT -5
So glad I found this sight. I have been married 32 years. We use to have great sex until 3 years ago. We have two grown children a grand child on the way. I work FT. My husband works too. I so very miss the physical touching and everything that goes with it. The reason for this? I am too fat and unattractive. He is an alcoholic and smokes like a chimney. He cannot will not quit either one. He has ED. Sex def not good. So rather than taking time to try we do not try at all. I still want it though. Welcome to the group Sister mesulina .
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Post by angeleyes65 on May 3, 2020 8:17:26 GMT -5
Are you saying that's what you think " fat and unattractive"? Are you blaming yourself? I will tell you the reason we ended up in this boat was a porn addiction of course there had to be a reason he turned to that right? I decided it must be me. But looking back at pictures I wasn't fat when he turned to that I put on weight from the depression because of the change in my relationship. Also as we get older and put on weight we look at each other every day it's not like a shocking change and magically one day we aren't physically attracted. I believe if the love is there the attraction stays. I can imagine smoking like a chimney and alcoholism would cause ED . They are addictions I'm sorry he isn't willing to get some help. Does he realize you miss the sex? And as we all say welcome to the club no one wants to be part of!
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Post by mesulina on Jun 5, 2020 23:49:41 GMT -5
Thank you for your replies everyone. Just an update. We kind of had a blow out regarding his habits. He says that he is going to change. He said he would like to try to be intimate. But I don't know...it has been so long and I do not know if his equipment will work. But I guess we will try.
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Post by mesulina on Jun 5, 2020 23:54:44 GMT -5
I just listened to this Loretta Lynn song, wow on point! It would be great but I would not hold my breath. Thank you for that song.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Jun 6, 2020 11:27:36 GMT -5
I wish you the best of luck. I can tell you for me after so much time it was so awkward and so much baggage it would have been easier to attempt sex with a stranger. I literally cried. And between that and the fact that he couldn't get it working again there was no way for us to rebuild the intimacy. It would have been different if things were good and it was caused by a health issue they could not control.
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Post by saarinista on Jun 6, 2020 14:38:25 GMT -5
I wish you the best of luck. I can tell you for me after so much time it was so awkward and so much baggage it would have been easier to attempt sex with a stranger. I literally cried. And between that and the fact that he couldn't get it working again there was no way for us to rebuild the intimacy. It would have been different if things were good and it was caused by a health issue they could not control. This. I agree x 💯. After a long time not having a sexual relationship with someone, the fact that they are your legal spouse doesn't matter, at least in my case. It's damned hard to get things going again. I tried with my husband and it just felt too weird and it didn't happen. The whole reason many people stop having sex is because they had a non sexual falling out. Unless that can be resolved, the intimacy is unlikely to return. Even if you do resolve non sexual differences, you have to rebuild the whole relationship. I'm sure that's possible for some, but in my experience it's a lot like meeting and building a relationship with a whole new person. So be aware. If I'd met my husband today, I'd be his friend, but I wouldn't marry him because his world views are now different from mine plus he doesn't want to have sex with me. That's a non starter.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2020 18:43:15 GMT -5
Hi! New to the forum and have been married 17 years, most of which has been sexless. Like many posts I have read, the warning signs were there all along and I simply chose to ignore them or wished they would get better.
I am currently in that downward spiral of resentment from me/rejection from her and have just started to seriously contemplate what my future with my wife/refuser will be, if any. What is keeping me in my SM at the moment: 1. No exit strategy 2. Two children whom I adore that I don't want to negatively impact 3. A diminished self-esteem from years of SM
Look forward to learning from and contributing to the forum.
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Post by isthisit on Jun 30, 2020 2:40:27 GMT -5
Hi! New to the forum and have been married 17 years, most of which has been sexless. Like many posts I have read, the warning signs were there all along and I simply chose to ignore them or wished they would get better. I am currently in that downward spiral of resentment from me/rejection from her and have just started to seriously contemplate what my future with my wife/refuser will be, if any. What is keeping me in my SM at the moment: 1. No exit strategy 2. Two children whom I adore that I don't want to negatively impact 3. A diminished self-esteem from years of SM Look forward to learning from and contributing to the forum. Hello and welcome. You certainly sound one of the gang already with your description of where you are- a blueprint for most of us on arrival. Some find it best to stay and endure, some stay but simmer with resentment and some act to change and thus can describe that process and life the other side. Please keep reading here, you will find that collectively this community has the answers to your questions, can help you understand yourself, can run through the risks and benefits if any course of action you may be considering and most importantly show empathy for your reality. On a good day you will have a lot of fun too. Please share more of your story when you are ready.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Jun 30, 2020 6:06:58 GMT -5
Welcome to the club! You sound like you are well on your way to figuring out your life's plan whatever that becomes!
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Post by saarinista on Jul 1, 2020 16:56:20 GMT -5
Welcome, @cincyguy! Glad to have you hear. Share at will when you are ready. Hopefully soon.
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Post by spiffster on Jul 28, 2020 18:28:02 GMT -5
Hey everyone. W and I have been married for 16 years. Marriage isn't sexless so maybe I don't belong here, but I'm probably going to be pretty quiet.
Edit: Thanks for having a place like this
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Post by Handy on Jul 28, 2020 19:11:43 GMT -5
Spiffster, we are a diverse group that is very understanding and talk about a variety of issues.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Jul 28, 2020 20:47:46 GMT -5
spiffster sexless doesn't necessarily mean totally without sex I think the definition is technically 10 times a year or less. But also applies to people who would be sexless if they didn't initiate. Or their spouse is phoning it in or starfish. Or you have to " earn it" I don't know your story but you found the site d so something caused you to look. Anyway it's a good group. Welcome and I hope you find it helpful.
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Post by owningmyjourney on Jul 29, 2020 9:38:17 GMT -5
Hello. I'm (F50's) in a celibate marriage. I started in this form many years ago, and then found Reddit's DB. This resource was recommended to me after that sub no longer became a safe place for me to learn, to support others, and receive support. Thank you for your patience as I orient myself.
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