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Post by h on Jan 21, 2018 4:45:44 GMT -5
Welcome shari to the group none of us want to belong to. I'm sorry you came looking for us but glad you found us.
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shari
New Member
Posts: 2
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Post by shari on Jan 21, 2018 9:24:13 GMT -5
Thank You h & Baza for the Welcome. glad to be here .
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Post by solodriver on Jan 21, 2018 19:43:49 GMT -5
Welcome Shari
As you can see we're a large, caring and wonderful group. Feel free to share anything that you'd like. We have a number of different areas and nothing is off limits. I enjoy learning about everyone here and enjoy everyone's friendship here. This forum is my life support in my SM. It has helped me cope with it and the folks here have helped me learn that the SM is not my fault, but it's up to me how I deal with it.
Welcome fellow SM traveler
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Post by battlefairy on Jan 29, 2018 0:14:43 GMT -5
Greetings. I am 31 and have been married for 2 and a half years. We've been together 6 years total and have no children together. I recently came across this forum after searching for answers to my troubling situation. I read through many posts over the course of that day. I was happy to find a place to vent heal my marriage. Knowing I am not alone in this struggle changes my perspective from helpless and hopeless to empowering. Thank you!
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Post by tiredoftears on Jan 29, 2018 1:34:48 GMT -5
Greetings. I am 31 and have been married for 2 and a half years. We've been together 6 years total and have no children together. I recently came across this forum after searching for answers to my troubling situation. I read through many posts over the course of that day. I was happy to find a place to vent heal my marriage. Knowing I am not alone in this struggle changes my perspective from helpless and hopeless to empowering. Thank you! Vent as much as you need, and at least now you know there's others in a similar situation. It is good that things like this are around now so there is something of a support group, and you can start to work on it before it goes on much longer.
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Post by battlefairy on Jan 29, 2018 2:03:19 GMT -5
Greetings. I am 31 and have been married for 2 and a half years. We've been together 6 years total and have no children together. I recently came across this forum after searching for answers to my troubling situation. I read through many posts over the course of that day. I was happy to find a place to vent heal my marriage. Knowing I am not alone in this struggle changes my perspective from helpless and hopeless to empowering. Thank you! Vent as much as you need, and at least now you know there's others in a similar situation. It is good that things like this are around now so there is something of a support group, and you can start to work on it before it goes on much longer. Thanks for the welcome. I have just completed my first post explaining my situation. Feel free to check it out.
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Post by footballbat on Feb 1, 2018 17:18:49 GMT -5
I’m an ILIASM/EP member from long ago. Today, I took a walk down memory land at what is left of EP and found myself here. I believe I recognize the writings of a few of the old timers from years ago. Can’t wait to spend some time getting familiar with this new platform and reconnecting with old friends......
……
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Post by soundingoff on Feb 4, 2018 19:38:17 GMT -5
Obviously I'm new here. Married 22 years. I've looked around a little and think my story may be slightly different than many on this forum.ED plays a part in our issues, but I just don't see my husband making an effort to do anything about it. When I try to talk about it, I just end up feeling guilty for "embarrassing" him (his words). I want to be supportive and I know it's not his fault (sex was very regular before the ED), but I feel this may be the beginning of the end. Things are starting to get weird and awkward... It has been almost a year since the ED started. We were intimate in "other ways" for a while but now.. not much is happening. I feel like a heartless bitch, but frankly, I am over it. I don't want to live without sex for the rest of my life.
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Post by h on Feb 4, 2018 19:57:12 GMT -5
Welcome soundingoff to the club nobody wants to be part of.
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Post by hopingforachange on Feb 4, 2018 20:18:31 GMT -5
Obviously I'm new here. Married 22 years. I've looked around a little and think my story may be slightly different than many on this forum.ED plays a part in our issues, but I just don't see my husband making an effort to do anything about it. When I try to talk about it, I just end up feeling guilty for "embarrassing" him (his words). I want to be supportive and I know it's not his fault (sex was very regular before the ED), but I feel this may be the beginning of the end. Things are starting to get weird and awkward... It has been almost a year since the ED started. We were intimate in "other ways" for a while but now.. not much is happening. I feel like a heartless bitch, but frankly, I am over it. I don't want to live without sex for the rest of my life. Welcome, if a man wants to have sex, he finds a way to have it. Has he been to his doctor to discuss the issue?
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 4, 2018 20:41:58 GMT -5
Soundingoff, you aren't being heartless by wanting your husband to get medical help for his ED. In this day and age, ED is something that may be easily resolved by taking medication. It's not as if it's something for which there's probably no cure. Obviously, having ED can hurt one's sex life, but also it could indicate he has a serious illness.
Heck there are all sorts of ads on TV for ED medication. Even former U.S. vp Bob Dole appeared in such a commercial. That's how routine and normal it is to get help.
I'm truly sorry that your husband is refusing to get help for his condition. Unfortunately, you can't drag him to the doctor. You can, however, decide whether to remain celibate in the marrige, to outsource while in the marriage or whether you'd be better off moving on. The posts here can help you figure out what to do.
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Post by baza on Feb 4, 2018 21:13:22 GMT -5
I'd extend my usual invitation to you Sister soundingoff . That being to take a full inventory of your deal to objectively and thoroughly review whether the sole problem here is the sex. If you are going to bring your situation to resolution, then you have to know what the situation really and truly is. Just picking at aspects of a situation (say sex) is unlikely to resolve the whole situation if there is more going on than just the sex.
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Post by soundingoff on Feb 4, 2018 21:13:32 GMT -5
Yes he did but has not committed to continuing any of the doctor's recommendations. We have had a normal marriage full of ups and downs. I'd say very happy at times with a few challenges and normal lulls throughout the 22 years. We did always make sex a priority. It was always just natural for us, without a lot of effort needed. Both care about staying in shape and attractive for each other. Date nights, trips, etc... We had no issues HAVING sex, but he has never liked TALKING about sex. When this came up, we had a conversation about it. He kept saying he was embarrassed. I told him I would support him in any way I could. I offered to go to Dr with him. He said NO to that but went by himself. He went and was tested. Testosterone was super low. Dr gave him meds for immediate help (viagra) and then suggested other courses of action. Dr told him to work out and eat better (he is naturally lean, but not in great shape) and recommended testosterone injections. He has not followed up. Has not refilled his meds. Nothing. Makes me feel like I am not worth the effort. I try to talk about it and he just makes me feel bad for calling him out on something he can't help. We arent really even fighting about it. It's like it's not even worth him losing his head over, you know? always calm and respectful... I'd feel better if he'd just get PISSED!
What really upsets me is that he wants to continue being touchy with me. Grabs my ass, makes boob comments like nothing is wrong. Wants to snuggle in bed. Doesn't he realize that all that does is make me want to have sex even more? If it were reversed (and I were the one not wanting sex) it would be like getting him all hot and bothered and then walking away. I don't even know what he wants me to do? I told him before if we need to do things differently, then tell me what to DO. Not to be crude, but I don't know what to do with a non working penis. That makes me avoid him like the plague. If I kiss him passionately, will it bother him? does it make him feel horrible when we "try but can't"? I mean, he will not discuss it. If I ask him he just clams up. I feel like we are right at the beginning of all this and that there MAY be hope (before I turn around and it's been 5 years). But he is so unwilling to swallow his pride...
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Post by baza on Feb 4, 2018 21:31:04 GMT -5
Well Sister soundingoff , are you, at this point, prepared to go "all in" and put the marriage on the line ? (There is no correct answer to this - only yours) If you ARE prepared to go "all in" you are extremely likely to bring this to resolution. But that resolution may well be parting company. Equally, if you put a big bomb under his arse, eyeballed him and said (in your own words) "you will make a full on attempt at addressing your problem or I am out of here" the outcome might be to give him cause to review his lethargic position. But - it is imperative that you do NOT try this suggestion as a bluff. Which returns us to the question - "are you, at this point, prepared to go "all in" and put the marriage on the line ?" And again, there is no "right" answer to this. Just yours.
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 5, 2018 7:07:12 GMT -5
You say he went to the doctor but refused to follow the recommendations and that, “Makes me feel like I am not worth the effort. I try to talk about it and he just makes me feel bad.”
You feel bad because your hisbsnd’s Actions are saying loud and clear that you aren’t worth the effort and he doesn’t give a damn about your feelings.
When you start honoring and caring about your feelngs, you will know what actions to take to live a happier life.
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