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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 7, 2016 13:49:31 GMT -5
And anyone go through the Divorce Mediator route? That seems the least expensive and hostile path. Assuming both parties agree obviously. Does your state allow collaborative law? Something to ask an attorney about. You could get answers over the phone without even meeting with them. Understanding what an "agreement" is , is better left up to an attorney. You only have one shot, make it count. |
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Post by beachguy on Nov 7, 2016 21:31:05 GMT -5
Your Son (the one who threatened suicide when you had an abortive crack at leaving last year) appears to have observed and learned well how manipulation works. Presumably the example your missus' set in this regard is something he took on board. - Anyway, as far as who is refuser, who is refused, it doesn't greatly matter once your deal reaches ILIASM shithole status. - If adopting a position of being the refuser helps you cope, then adopt it. To follow up on the alleged suicide threat, it might be helpful to Google something like "suicide threat abusive". This generally refers to spouses. The executive summary: suicide threats aimed at changing the behavior or decisions of spouses (or other loved ones) is considered extremely abusive. Yes, it is NOT a cry for help[, it's extreme emotional abuse, pure and simple. After I separated from my STBX, she made a habit of threatening or mentioning suicide in almost every conversation I had with her. I finally got tired of it and told her to Google the preceding and made it clear I considered it abusive. I told her suicide is an intensely personal decision and if she decided that, I didn't want to know about it in advance. I never again heard the word suicide from her and she's still alive and kicking over a year later. I would consider doing some research into this and follow professional advice as to how to deal with your abusive/manipulative kids. Yes, that is exactly what they are. When my parents announced their divorce I never got a chance to vote on it, nor should I have, nor should your kids (IMO). A friend of mine had the same problem with her kids trying to vote on her decision to leave her marriage. I suggested she ask the kids if she would have similar control over who her kids married, how many children they would have and when, and have veto power over their divorce decisions if things go south. |
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Post by baza on Nov 7, 2016 21:41:30 GMT -5
I think the best way of handling these suicide threat issues, is to call 911 there and then.
If they are genuine in the threat, then you have done the right and sensible thing.
If they are bullshitting, then the humiliation of explaining themself to the paramedics / psych hospital will not see a repeat performance of this disgraceful manipulative behaviour.
In my jurisdiction, suicide (particularly in young people) is a huge problem.
That people will use this threat as a managenent / manipulative tool I personally find to be contemptable behaviour.
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Post by unmatched on Nov 7, 2016 22:10:55 GMT -5
The idea of having sex with my husband is incestuous to me too - in fact I'm so whacked out of the 'normal' frame of mind that I can't believe people are supposed to have physical relations with the person they marry- it seems plain weird! Counselling does not seem nearly as useful as this site( only been twice so far but doesn't feel like I'm getting anywhere except toward an empty wallet.. ) [ It got to the point I knew I would not be able to ever touch his dick again. I felt more comfortable to be intimate with a total stranger. When it gets to the point you can't even put a fork in it. I bet you could have stuck a fork in it given the opportunity  |
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Post by beachguy on Nov 8, 2016 11:52:09 GMT -5
I think the best way of handling these suicide threat issues, is to call 911 there and then. If they are genuine in the threat, then you have done the right and sensible thing. If they are bullshitting, then the humiliation of explaining themself to the paramedics / psych hospital will not see a repeat performance of this disgraceful manipulative behaviour. In my jurisdiction, suicide (particularly in young people) is a huge problem. That people will use this threat as a managenent / manipulative tool I personally find to be contemptable behaviour. I knew that calling 911 was the recommended advice. But I was concerned about getting some sort of big bill out of it since she is as dependent on me as a 5yo child. When a spouse refuses to accept any financial responsibility it creates all sorts of no win situations at times like this. My plan, if I heard the word suicide again... "Ok I'm calling 911 and if there are any medical bills arising out of it, you own it" I was quite certain it was a bluff. It is not at all out of the realm of possibility that someday she will. But if that day ever comes I'm certain I'll get no advance notice. |
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