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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 19, 2016 16:39:08 GMT -5
I spoke with one of my children's piano teacher today, she comes to our house once a week.. I asked her ,"did you notice the different check?"
She replied, "Oh yea,and I was asked by your wife, if I knew what was going on? I said very little. All she could do was place blame, and tell me that you filled first." The piano teacher then went on to say," What she doesn't know is that I filled first in my divorce because of all the manipulation and financial problems that were happening. I warned you that it would get ugly, so she's controlling and holding back the money!".
When I tell people, like this teacher what my reasons are, most already have seen it,and aren't surprised. I've been the one dealing with this teacher for 95% of the time. We have had several conversations over the years.
My STBX has much to learn about people our age in today's society, and what they have been through. Who filled first carries little weight. I am still getting my teflon hat adjusted to fit properly for the upcoming storms.
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Post by jim44444 on Oct 19, 2016 17:59:22 GMT -5
"He filed first". I interpret that to mean that she was planning to file but you beat her to the courthouse.
Good luck.
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 19, 2016 20:11:21 GMT -5
"He filed first". I interpret that to mean that she was planning to file but you beat her to the courthouse. Good luck. It's her way of convincing herself and others that she is 99% blameless. 1% for posterity. |
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Post by baza on Oct 19, 2016 21:12:40 GMT -5
In a while, no one is going to give a fuck who filed first, or who was to blame.
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 20, 2016 15:27:53 GMT -5
In a while, no one is going to give a fuck who filed first, or who was to blame. I am sure there is truth in what you say. Then there is the other side of the coin. let me quote from the book" Growing Through Divorce" by Jim Smoke. Divorce does affect other people around you,and they have a right to their own responses and attitudes. The social world often lets go of the divorcing person before the divorcing person has the chance to adjust or change social involvements. Involvements with various community agencies, clubs, and organizations are often terminated. " I was married- I now am single" prompts a sudden shift in lifestyle from married friends to single friends. This often occurs after building only married friendships for 20 or more years. Many in-laws tend to take the side of their son or daughter regardless of the wanton crimes the person has committed against you. Once in a while, insightful in-laws will take your side and condemn their own child. |
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Post by bballgirl on Oct 20, 2016 16:54:32 GMT -5
In a while, no one is going to give a fuck who filed first, or who was to blame. I am sure there is truth in what you say. Then there is the other side of the coin. let me quote from the book" Growing Through Divorce" by Jim Smoke. Divorce does affect other people around you,and they have a right to their own responses and attitudes. The social world often lets go of the divorcing person before the divorcing person has the chance to adjust or change social involvements. Involvements with various community agencies, clubs, and organizations are often terminated. " I was married- I now am single" prompts a sudden shift in lifestyle from married friends to single friends. This often occurs after building only married friendships for 20 or more years. Many in-laws tend to take the side of their son or daughter regardless of the wanton crimes the person has committed against you. Once in a while, insightful in-laws will take your side and condemn their own child. I guess every situation is different for everyone, but in my situation with my friends and our friends nothing changed because nobody cared. I think most people are so busy with their own lives day in and day out. The neighbors, we waved hi and that was it. Everyone is running around with activities for their kids, jobs, etc. In June, after a baseball game one of the baseball dads asked if I wanted to go for lunch after the game. I said yes, told my ex we were going and if he wanted to join and we all met there. So the table was a picnic table and the kids run in and all sit on one side. So here's the three of us and I said, "I'll sit in the middle so it's fair for both of you"! Nobody cared! Life just goes on! |
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Post by baza on Oct 20, 2016 20:13:22 GMT -5
We tend to over rate our own importance in the lives and thinking of other people.
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I'm the first divorce in my families known history.
So what ? Doesn't seem to have made any difference.
Ms enna is twice divorced, her two younger Sisters both divorced.
So what ? Doesn't seem to have had any great impact there either.
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I'm not disputing that people "take sides". They do, that is an inarguable fact. Short term. Fuck, I do that myself. Short term.
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What I would dispute, is that it lasts any significant period of time.
For that matter I would dispute that "what anyone else thinks" is of any particular relevance in any event.
Had people chosen to carry grudges toward me, they would have been most welcome to. Like I'd give a fuck anyway.
But in any event, now, 6 years on, my relationships with the people I knew back then, and indeed with my ex (and now deceased) missus family and friends are as good as they ever were.
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The process of divorce does NOT somehow transform you in to an ogre (ogress).
You are pretty much the same person 'after' as you were 'before'. (hopefully a bit wiser though)
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Post by obobfla on Oct 20, 2016 22:14:05 GMT -5
It's sad when people I know get divorced, but it's really none of my business why. To even say who filed is just TMI. I don't care, and I don't want to know. I don't need to go dumpster diving into your life.
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 21, 2016 11:51:15 GMT -5
We tend to over rate our own importance in the lives and thinking of other people. - I'm the first divorce in my families known history. So what ? Doesn't seem to have made any difference. Ms enna is twice divorced, her two younger Sisters both divorced. So what ? Doesn't seem to have had any great impact there either. - I'm not disputing that people "take sides". They do, that is an inarguable fact. Short term. Fuck, I do that myself. Short term. - What I would dispute, is that it lasts any significant period of time. For that matter I would dispute that "what anyone else thinks" is of any particular relevance in any event. Had people chosen to carry grudges toward me, they would have been most welcome to. Like I'd give a fuck anyway. But in any event, now, 6 years on, my relationships with the people I knew back then, and indeed with my ex (and now deceased) missus family and friends are as good as they ever were. - The process of divorce does NOT somehow transform you in to an ogre (ogress). You are pretty much the same person 'after' as you were 'before'. (hopefully a bit wiser though) I guess my small circle of " friends" has been made up of years and years of bible studies for couples, sports activities for families, going to church and being seen as a couple, adoption ministries as a couple. Home school activities as "the family". Very few activities or friendships as just GreatCoastal. Then comes the years of being bombarded with the hate stories of my sister in laws side of her divorce. I have always been skeptical, since the other side is never heard. Same goes for the 9 yrs of having my father in law live with us. A one sided argument. more motivation to end LIASM. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 23, 2016 21:57:45 GMT -5
Time to broaden my tiny circle of "friends". I am hoping divorce will open many other avenues, giving me a wider circle of people,experiences, and friends. For my children too!
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Post by baza on Oct 23, 2016 22:26:48 GMT -5
Outside friendships kept me sane during my ILIASM deal.
Well, fairly sane !!
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