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Post by GeekGoddess on Oct 25, 2016 12:18:13 GMT -5
Everyone loves hyperbole until it's said about ourselves :-) I get it - there is a temptation to believe that your SM is common because somehow this is a gender thing - that WOMEN do not like sex. This is NOT ACCURATE. Your woman does not like sex with you. This is to say, she may or may not like sex with someone else but that has no bearing on whether she is having sex with YOU - she is not (or, you wouldn't likely be here). But I'm too tired of hearing this is "how women are" - no, not right. I was with a MAN who no longer "could" have sex and so his tactic was to lose interest in it because he couldn't do things like he used to. He pulled into himself (now that's funny - he actually physically DID after the surgery because he wouldn't use the vacuum pump contraption). Anyway - he also did emotionally and was soon the tyrant of our two-person kingdom. I am a woman and I like sex. I have always liked sex even before getting any. I was taught to accept shame for that as a youngster. I won't do that any more. I get that the exaggeration was just that. But it simply is not true. Socially, we are taught a boatload of inaccuracies and accepting those without question is a road to doom. Not that I'm passionate about the topic :-) I'm studying for an associates now with the dream/hope of becoming a sex therapist someday. I hope to crusade for the destigmatization of sex in all its glory and to normalize the idea that women who like sex are not loose or broken or otherwise slutty. Women reproduce, see? They would normally have sex to do that, see? But I don't want to reproduce and I still have this evolutionary drive that makes me prefer sex to no sex. And that is OK. Amen, mademoiselle. I know for me, my SM is so especially maddening because every single relationship before this one, my significant others were often the ones with the higher sex drive. This is so completely foreign to me that i just straight can't comprehend it. As somebody who once upon a time was called a male slut (including wife), I think we need to take back "slutty" as a normalized word, and not an insult. After all, a high sex drive and string level of confidence in one's abilities in bed are a good thing, right? - I like the idea of taking back the word slutty and normalizing it. One thing I really liked about LoverMan was the way that he referenced in conversation about back in the day (say - 19-20 years old) and when "we were all slutting around" and with SUCH confidence and ownership of it, without a shred of embarrassment -- I am not embarrassed either over the # of lovers I had before my husband but I do scratch my head over how I (of all people!) ended up with a partner who no longer wanted me sexually. MY GOD, MAN - what is wrong with this picture?!?! Yeah - when my eyes opened to "the deal" I knew I had no other choice. I can't really expect to express the full ME and stay celibate. That's just not going to work. When eternaloptimism needs a break, of course I'd love a chance with the tiger ;-) |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Oct 25, 2016 12:26:01 GMT -5
GeekGoddess I get the distinct impression there could well be enough Tiger to go around he he. I want to come work with you on this normalising sexuality journey. I feel exactly the same. Ooo. New career. Yay. Happy to do the TV interviews and everything. NO SHAME!!! Love your thinking lady xxx
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Post by eternaloptimism on Oct 25, 2016 12:30:51 GMT -5
She has a way of causing that.  I'm still in the room, CT.  Ha ha ha ha. Andie you've got me snorting in my spinach and ricotta cannelloni 😂😂😂 |
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Post by cagedtiger on Oct 25, 2016 13:18:19 GMT -5
I like the idea of taking back the word slutty and normalizing it. One thing I really liked about LoverMan was the way that he referenced in conversation about back in the day (say - 19-20 years old) and when "we were all slutting around" and with SUCH confidence and ownership of it, without a shred of embarrassment -- I am not embarrassed either over the # of lovers I had before my husband but I do scratch my head over how I (of all people!) ended up with a partner who no longer wanted me sexually. MY GOD, MAN - what is wrong with this picture?!?! Yeah - when my eyes opened to "the deal" I knew I had no other choice. I can't really expect to express the full ME and stay celibate. That's just not going to work. When eternaloptimism needs a break, of course I'd love a chance with the tiger ;-) Aww, I'm flattered. I've never, every been bothered by the number of previous partners any of my exes had- quite the contrary, actually- I've typically dated women who would be called "promiscuous," and it's always worked out very well for me, at least in the bedroom. I know my "number" has always bugged me wife, and it's always seriously bugged me about that, not to mention her sometimes throwing that back in my face, or getting judgemental about it, and sharing it with her best friend to also get judgemental about it with her. But yeah, as I've said several times when talking to close friends who've known me for many years, how the fuck did *I* of all people ended up here!?;? |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2016 15:50:38 GMT -5
I'm still in the room, CT. Ha ha ha ha. Andie you've got me snorting in my spinach and ricotta cannelloni 😂😂😂 EO, spinach and ricotta cannelloni sounds good, but hold the snort. 😒 |
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Post by Dan on Oct 25, 2016 16:45:27 GMT -5
She has a way of causing that. I'm still in the room, CT. Is this some sort of glare or "side-eye"? Seem to me CT was giving you a compliment! |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2016 17:11:53 GMT -5
Dan a brief synopsis since you stepped in late... boudinMan said he was speechless after I gave him a virtual eyelash bat. cagedtiger said "she has a way of causing that." This was not directed to me. This was about me, which was the reason for my 'still in the room' reply. Snarky, yes. But that's me. Thank you for the compliment, CT. Now, Dan. That was not a side eye, but more of a glare. This is a side eye:  I'll be in my room, thinking about beards.
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Post by JonDoe on Oct 25, 2016 19:10:49 GMT -5
Ok, I admit the last part about the summer snowstorm was exaggerating a little. Everyone loves hyperbole until it's said about ourselves :-) I get it - there is a temptation to believe that your SM is common because somehow this is a gender thing - that WOMEN do not like sex. This is NOT ACCURATE. Yes, I know stereotypes aren't always true, kinda of like how many sitcoms treat the married guy as lazy and clueless. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 25, 2016 19:46:15 GMT -5
Everyone loves hyperbole until it's said about ourselves :-) I get it - there is a temptation to believe that your SM is common because somehow this is a gender thing - that WOMEN do not like sex. This is NOT ACCURATE. Yes, I know stereotypes aren't always true, kinda of like how many sitcoms treat the married guy as lazy and clueless. Disney is one of the worst at making the father look like a moron. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Oct 25, 2016 21:56:14 GMT -5
Everyone loves hyperbole until it's said about ourselves :-) I get it - there is a temptation to believe that your SM is common because somehow this is a gender thing - that WOMEN do not like sex. This is NOT ACCURATE. Yes, I know stereotypes aren't always true, kinda of like how many sitcoms treat the married guy as lazy and clueless. EXACTLY like that |
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Post by beachguy on Oct 26, 2016 12:15:21 GMT -5
I like the idea of taking back the word slutty and normalizing it. One thing I really liked about LoverMan was the way that he referenced in conversation about back in the day (say - 19-20 years old) and when "we were all slutting around" and with SUCH confidence and ownership of it, without a shred of embarrassment -- I am not embarrassed either over the # of lovers I had before my husband but I do scratch my head over how I (of all people!) ended up with a partner who no longer wanted me sexually. MY GOD, MAN - what is wrong with this picture?!?! Yeah - when my eyes opened to "the deal" I knew I had no other choice. I can't really expect to express the full ME and stay celibate. That's just not going to work. When eternaloptimism needs a break, of course I'd love a chance with the tiger ;-) Aww, I'm flattered. I've never, every been bothered by the number of previous partners any of my exes had- quite the contrary, actually- I've typically dated women who would be called "promiscuous," and it's always worked out very well for me, at least in the bedroom. I know my "number" has always bugged me wife, and it's always seriously bugged me about that, not to mention her sometimes throwing that back in my face, or getting judgemental about it, and sharing it with her best friend to also get judgemental about it with her. But yeah, as I've said several times when talking to close friends who've known me for many years, how the fuck did *I* of all people ended up here!?;? I'm still waiting for your promised back story because I too am mystified at how you so decidedly ended up here  |
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Post by beachguy on Oct 26, 2016 12:24:58 GMT -5
Ok, I admit the last part about the summer snowstorm was exaggerating a little. Everyone loves hyperbole until it's said about ourselves :-) I get it - there is a temptation to believe that your SM is common because somehow this is a gender thing - that WOMEN do not like sex. This is NOT ACCURATE. Your woman does not like sex with you. This is to say, she may or may not like sex with someone else but that has no bearing on whether she is having sex with YOU - she is not (or, you wouldn't likely be here). But I'm too tired of hearing this is "how women are" - no, not right. I was with a MAN who no longer "could" have sex and so his tactic was to lose interest in it because he couldn't do things like he used to. He pulled into himself (now that's funny - he actually physically DID after the surgery because he wouldn't use the vacuum pump contraption). Anyway - he also did emotionally and was soon the tyrant of our two-person kingdom. I am a woman and I like sex. I have always liked sex even before getting any. I was taught to accept shame for that as a youngster. I won't do that any more. I get that the exaggeration was just that. But it simply is not true. Socially, we are taught a boatload of inaccuracies and accepting those without question is a road to doom. Not that I'm passionate about the topic :-) I'm studying for an associates now with the dream/hope of becoming a sex therapist someday. I hope to crusade for the destigmatization of sex in all its glory and to normalize the idea that women who like sex are not loose or broken or otherwise slutty. Women reproduce, see? They would normally have sex to do that, see? But I don't want to reproduce and I still have this evolutionary drive that makes me prefer sex to no sex. And that is OK. What is missing in all this is data. For example, everyone quotes Kinsey's stats on sexual frequency. All neatly broken down by age and gender. What is decidedly missing: sexual satisfaction by age and gender. I've previously admitted to more than a little gender bias about all this. But all I know is my anecdotal experience and all the urban legend about neglected husbands. I figure those urban legends were not all made up from home cloth. There is some basis for it. Thus I'd like to see better statistical data. Regardless of the feelings of the females here, that is purely anecdotal and cannot represent the female species. Nor can occasional claims of self proclaimed internet experts via articles we see linked here from time to time. Anyone who was badly bait n switched like I was will understand my instinctive doubts. If that doesn't make sense I would be happy to elaborate. |
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Post by cagedtiger on Oct 26, 2016 12:35:42 GMT -5
beachguy, did you read my "Married into Depression" post? Oh, and you might also like the "Why I Love Hot Tubs" bit.
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Post by beachguy on Oct 26, 2016 13:32:57 GMT -5
beachguy, did you read my "Married into Depression" post? Oh, and you might also like the "Why I Love Hot Tubs" bit. I'm still trying to figure out how the guy that wrote that hot tub story could have possibly gotten himself into an already sexless relationship before he even committed to marriage. |
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Post by cagedtiger on Oct 26, 2016 14:03:16 GMT -5
beachguy, did you read my "Married into Depression" post? Oh, and you might also like the "Why I Love Hot Tubs" bit. I'm still trying to figure out how the guy that wrote that hot tub story could have possibly gotten himself into an already sexless relationship before he even committed to marriage. A very rough and roller coaster five years between those two times. And some lingering guilt from the last heart I'd broken and a subsequent feeling of needing to "atone" for it by "saving" or "fixing" this one, as Miss eternaloptimism called me out on it recently. I'll write it up soon- there's a good bit of back story to tell. |
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