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Post by csl on Sept 22, 2016 13:44:22 GMT -5
People like him are so blinded by rage they don't think more than one step ahead, and you're right he probably has no idea what he may be doing. These are the type of people for whom this old adage was written: "He'd cut off his nose to spite his face."
They are pathetic. |
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Post by baza on Sept 22, 2016 21:12:41 GMT -5
I think the main takeaway from your story Sister Tamara is for other members who are considering leaving.
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That being, see a lawyer in your jurisdiction and establish how a divorce is likely to shake out for you, from that knowledge develop your exit strategy and knock it in to do-able status, shore up your support network, and research everything you can find on helping kids transition through such an event.
All this BEFORE you pull the pin.
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Otherwise, you run the risk of shooting yourself in the foot if something you have done turns out to be illegal / unenforceable, and that could de-rail things big time.
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I hope your deal doesn't get de-railed Sister Tamara, follow your lawyers directions NOW would be my only suggestion.
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But for anyone following in your footsteps to the exit, it is best to get things stitched up as well as you can BEFORE.
Full preparation can avoid some nasty surprises in these situations.
And exiting is tough enough - even if you are fully prepared.
It is extraordinarily difficult if you are not prepared.
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Post by tamara68 on Sept 23, 2016 3:01:01 GMT -5
baza I did inquire about this before I left and visited a lawyer. But I knew my stbx would use anything legally to fight me. I have asked my lawyer before about what to do with the bills and house rent. He suggested to do nothing and see what happens. Make my stbx forced to do something. So this is where we are now. If simply would keep paying all the bills, my stbx won't do anything to get his own income. He wrote he 'can't' accept divorce so won't cooperate.
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Post by baza on Sept 23, 2016 3:09:07 GMT -5
My error.
It read (to me) like you hadn't checked it all out before.
My apologies.
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Post by tamara68 on Sept 23, 2016 4:32:02 GMT -5
baza I didn't check every detail before, but only the main things. How to go on further will have to become clear as things are going. It is very stressful, but I think I am legally on the right side. Husband still refuses to get his own lawyer, making it a lot harder for everyone.
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Post by petrushka on Sept 23, 2016 5:28:51 GMT -5
{{HUGS}}
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Post by GeekGoddess on Sept 23, 2016 9:31:54 GMT -5
He could be found at fault, potentially, if he filed this w/o correctly disclosing some information. That is a misuse of the police as a resource to be reserved for actual criminal things. I really hope his fit-throwing will backfire on him.
Stay strong, sister!
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Post by Dan on Sept 23, 2016 13:19:07 GMT -5
Stbx ... has made a formal complaint about "leaving the marrital house".
As far as I can tell, HE is the one who has "left" the marriage -- adrift and in shambles -- for not "providing" the most basic emotional and physical intimacy to his wife. Oh, I wish you lived in a country where you could take someone to court for THAT. Wait: I wish WE ALL lived in a country like that! |
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Post by tamara68 on Sept 23, 2016 14:41:58 GMT -5
thanks all!
I have spoken to one of the lawyers of my lawyer's firm. Next week appointment to talk through this and the interrogation will be on October 4th (have called police to postpone it).
In the meantime e-mails from stbx are continuing. He is demanding me to put my salary on our mutual account.
Yesterday there was a brief session at court. My lawyer filed divorce there and my stbx objected. To his disappointment he didn't get the chance to make long statements.
Because he objects, the settling of the divorce is going to be a year from now. After that year it doesn't matter what stbx thinks about it. I ask divorce and it will be granted.
So now we have to make agreements on what to do as long as we are still officially married. Tough job with someone who wants to disagree with everything.
Hopefully my lawyer has a few good ideas.
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Post by obobfla on Sept 23, 2016 21:29:45 GMT -5
I hope so. Also hope that the next time you get in legal trouble, the cute officer frisks you!
On a more serious note, you may want to see if your community has police officers trained in dealing with the mentally ill. If I have to call the police on my wife, I ask for a CIT officer. That officer has been trained how to de-escalate a situation with someone seriously mentally ill. Normal police behavior would make the situation worse. In the USA, people are allowed to be crazy provided they are not a harm to themselves or others. Our police officers bear the burden of taking care of the most seriously mentally ill.
I only had to call the law on my wife once. She went with the officer to the hospital, where she was evaluated and released. The officer did a great job handling her, and she went willingly.
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Post by tamara68 on Sept 27, 2016 10:02:39 GMT -5
obobfla I hesitate about mentioning mental illness. It might make things worse. Anyway, my stbx probably will reveal his mental state by doing as he does. I have spoken with my lawyer, he assured me that at the moment I am not doing anything illegal. I would be illegal only if I would refuse to pay despite a verdict.
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Post by obobfla on Sept 27, 2016 16:57:20 GMT -5
It depends. Not sure if police officers in Belgium are as agressive as they are in the USA. Here, policemen are taught to be badasses and take control of a situation. Normally, that is the right thing to do, since officers who try to be someone's pal are the ones that get shot the most. However, that same attitude will get and officer killed when dealing with someone delusional, and OCD people can be be quite delusional. This training saves both the lives of the officer and the suspect. Officers who have taken CIT training say it's some of the best they have had. I knew a lady whose late husband was a deputy killed when he confronted a mentally ill man, who later killed himself too. She worked with the man's family to get CIT training in our area.
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Post by tamara68 on Sept 30, 2016 6:18:47 GMT -5
obobfla In Belgium the police is not very agressive. Especially in the rural area where I live, they don't seem to have a lot to do. Not much crime so they can occupy themselves with all kinds of minor issues. I have no idea if the police here has those kind of trainings.
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Post by TMD on Oct 3, 2016 22:33:39 GMT -5
Just read through this thread. Realized that tomorrow is October 4th. Hope the interrogation goes well. Will be sending good thoughts your way.
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Post by tamara68 on Oct 4, 2016 0:54:36 GMT -5
TMD Thanks! I am nearly on my way to the police now...
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