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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 16, 2016 18:26:39 GMT -5
When's the last time you did anything nice for me? This has been a recent one on one question from my STBX with the children. Weather this has something to do with divorce, is unknown. Many thoughts and questions come from that statement. Have you asked that question? Did your parents ask that question? Do you observe your spouse come home and plop on the couch in front of a screen and not want to do anything for or with anyone? When you come home does your spouse find a way to leave the house, or retreat to their cave? Could it be that no one does anything nice for you because you don"t do anything nice for them? Give and take? Do you count your every day responsibilities as a parent or member of the family as nice things that you do above and beyond for everyone else, and expect praise, recognition, and act of service, gifts, touch, in return? Have you set an example of doing as little as is required by your standards, and are looking for some grand payback? Do you find no one asks you to do anything anymore,except give them money, and wonder why?
So many thoughts, ideas, questions came from hearing this. Sounds like a "control" issue.
My teenage daughter informed me of this the other day when she heard her brother being told this. Her response was, "mom asks that, but mom wont ever do things when we ask her, she says no a lot!"
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2016 19:01:00 GMT -5
"I'm doing something nice for you, dear, I'm ending this miserable marriage."
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 16, 2016 19:22:25 GMT -5
"I'm doing something nice for you, dear, I'm ending this miserable marriage." Yup, I am also trying to do something nice for the entire family,hopefully opening up the future to better communications between the whole family. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2016 21:31:44 GMT -5
When's the last time you did anything nice for me? This has been a recent one on one question from my STBX with the children. Weather this has something to do with divorce, is unknown. Many thoughts and questions come from that statement. Have you asked that question? Did your parents ask that question? Do you observe your spouse come home and plop on the couch in front of a screen and not want to do anything for or with anyone? When you come home does your spouse find a way to leave the house, or retreat to their cave? Could it be that no one does anything nice for you because you don"t do anything nice for them? Give and take? Do you count your every day responsibilities as a parent or member of the family as nice things that you do above and beyond for everyone else, and expect praise, recognition, and act of service, gifts, touch, in return? Have you set an example of doing as little as is required by your standards, and are looking for some grand payback? Do you find no one asks you to do anything anymore,except give them money, and wonder why? So many thoughts, ideas, questions came from hearing this. Sounds like a "control" issue. My teenage daughter informed me of this the other day when she heard her brother being told this. Her response was, "mom asks that, but mom wont ever do things when we ask her, she says no a lot!" I so hear you on this one. I know some people who would benefit from hearing this (*cough* family *cough) |
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 16, 2016 22:01:48 GMT -5
I didn't stab anyone today.
Does that count?
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 17, 2016 2:53:25 GMT -5
I didn't stab anyone today. Does that count? HAHAHA, Sure does! Yesterday was in the past! |
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Post by petrushka on Sept 17, 2016 4:17:50 GMT -5
"When is the last time you ...."
Blat blat {claxon, red lights flashing} blat blat
Famous last words.
Famous last words you get to hear because that other person who just said that is about to eviscerate you.
Metaphorically if not literally.
Not a person intent on dialogue, but on monologue and demolition.
Taking my cue from a person in another thread who was complaining about 'mansplaining': those are the
words that indicate you're about to get things wo-man-splained to you.
.... like that was a gender specific behaviour ...
Ugh.
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 17, 2016 11:46:33 GMT -5
My STBX is also starting to pay the kids to do, what I deem as household responsibilities? Why does that get abandoned when boys, (and will see with the girls) become older teenagers? I don't accept the thought of "that's what teenagers do". Why the change in philosophy as they get older? We are still training, teaching them to be responsible adults who are supposed to be independent, and are going to face the harsh realization that they will have to eventually clean up after themselves. I don't get it. All I can think is more manipulative control and me coming out the bad guy.
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 18, 2016 16:34:38 GMT -5
More manipulative control. I am going to share this so others can be aware of it. We are all at home in different rooms. It's time to take two of the kids to youth group. They are right there with their mother. My youngest daughter comes up to me and asks, "would you like to take S. and T. to youth group?" I looked at her in wonder and asked "why". She said " I don't know, just thought you could." They were standing outside waiting. I told her " I can, but why?. She went into the other room, mumbled something to her mom, mom said "okay" and got up to go drive the kids. I went into the other room and asked my daughter, "did your mom tell you to ask me that?' She had a look of guilt and fear on her face, "she said ,"no" I pressed and asked," well why would you do that?" she said, " because mom said it would be nice if you would take them, so I came and asked you?" I have trouble believing that, but that's what I was told. She then said," don't be mad at me!" I told her calmly, I am not mad at you, I just wish your mother would have asked me, I would have said yes." More manipulation, leading to more distrust, and less and less communication.
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 18, 2016 16:59:18 GMT -5
Using the kids is pretty low.
(Except for shoveling snow, that's fine)
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Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2016 19:41:10 GMT -5
I didn't stab anyone today. Does that count? It matters not how far along the road you are, only that you are facing in the right direction. |
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Post by becca on Sept 18, 2016 19:58:18 GMT -5
I didn't stab anyone today. Does that count? It matters not how far along the road you are, only that you are facing in the right direction. Confucius? |
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Post by petrushka on Sept 18, 2016 20:03:41 GMT -5
My favourite Confucius quote (off a university toilet wall naturally):
Confucius say: "Swinging chain indicate warm seat."
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Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2016 21:34:53 GMT -5
It matters not how far along the road you are, only that you are facing in the right direction. Confucius? Confused |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Sept 21, 2016 11:18:16 GMT -5
Wikipedia :
Karma (Sanskrit: कर्म; IPA: [ˈkərmə]; Pali: kamma) means action, work or deed; it also refers to the spiritual principle of cause and effect where intent and actions of an individual (cause) influence the future of that individual (effect) Good intent and good deed contribute to good karma and future happiness, while bad intent and bad deed contribute to bad karma and future suffering.
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