|
|
Post by tamara68 on Sept 16, 2016 3:26:12 GMT -5
I am exploring my new freedom since I arrived in opposite land.
I am very busy with my apartment and decorating it the way I like, while I am listening to music of my choice.
I have bought things in my taste, some of them would have been severely criticized by my stbx. Before I left, I had a wish list in my mind. Getting a pair of jeans was on it, I bought one last weekend. I have been invited for diner by colleagues a few times, that was very nice and unusual. Normally I would never leave the house in the evening. Now I do that a lot.
I am going to pick up my hobbies again. I have bought things for painting and photography. Next week I am going to join a drawing and painting club. Looking forward to that.
At work there are sometimes special events after work, my stbx always held me back but now I am going to go everywhere I like. The highlight at work is a special evening at the end of the year. This year will be the first time I am going there even though I have been working here for more than 8 years.
There is no more pressure on being home in time, that feels good. The freedom to go where I want, do things spontaneously. No nagging about everything I do. A weight has been lifted from my shoulders, but still, at the moment this freedom is still covered with a lot of sadness and stress. I hope that will pass.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2016 14:34:17 GMT -5
Maybe the best thing about Oppositeland is getting to do things you couldn't do while with your refuser. Or, not having to do things you did have to do with him or her.
One thing I'm enjoying is not having to have the TV on all the time. In fact, I hardly watch at all.
|
|
|
|
Post by GeekGoddess on Sept 16, 2016 16:49:14 GMT -5
YAY for freedom, I say! It is covered with sadness for a while - mine was, at least. I have most of those shreds of sadness off of it now, but it did take a while. For me, major milestones were moving out, quitting alcohol, finalizing divorce paperwork (approval by judge), taking back maiden name, finally selling the property. Now - getting over my botched loverman affair is another signpost along my trail (I mean - I think I'm done with that most days, but every once in a while something will blind-side me still - he's harder to get over than the Ex because I was grieving my marriage while in it for the last 3-4 years...and...because LoverMan earned that name with every bit of work you may think that would take).
For you though - I am thrilled to hear the coworkers are asking you to join. It's great to have a "community" that you are part of and especially right away. GREAT that you will be able to go to the big company party too - where I've worked before, attending those sort of things actually helps in the career advancement too.
This is a great good-news post. The sadness WILL fall away and healing will take place. Mine was in fits & starts, but the overall picture just keeps getting rosier all the time.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2016 19:10:27 GMT -5
Maybe the best thing about Oppositeland is getting to do things you couldn't do while with your refuser. Or, not having to do things you did have to do with him or her. One thing I'm enjoying is not having to have the TV on all the time. In fact, I hardly watch at all. Good lord the TV would drive me out of a marriage even if we had lots of sex. |
|
|
|
Post by nyartgal on Sept 17, 2016 9:44:36 GMT -5
Excellent update! You are doing so well. I remember that euphoria of being freed from a controlling spouse (though my ex was nothing compared to yours). For me it was so great to not be around his passive aggressive hostility and suffer the death by a thousand paper cuts of his incessant nitpicking.
Freedom is the best!!! The next trick is to find a partner who allows you to feel just as free while being in a relationship. I was lucky enough to find one, so I know it exists!
Congratulations on your amazing progress!!!
|
|
|
|
Post by itsjustus on Sept 17, 2016 17:05:18 GMT -5
What do I love best about Opposite Land?
Not waking up in the morning and listening....wondering where....or what pissed her off before I woke up.
OR....
Not waking up in the morning with her next to me and quietly sneaking out of the room with my clothes in hand to dress elsewhere so I don't....piss her off. Laying alone in my bed late at night, eyes wide open, right next to someone who vowed that I would never feel alone
Now coming home from work to a happy dog and cat....not wondering what the mood was going to be. (Well...the cat can sometimes be pissy, but food usually fixes that)
Literally NOT pausing for at least 30 seconds...listening....sighing....before I turn the door handle to go inside the house...no matter where I'd been.
Breathing....full breaths...all the time....ahhhh!!!!
Leaving the house and going somewhere in under 30 seconds because.....I feel like it. Grab the key's and go.
Staying at friends house's or at party's until I want to leave, not because "we" just wanted to put in an appearance.
Not leaving a friends house or a party early because she is drunk and incoherent and everyone is looking at me with that "Well? " look.
Not being criticized for everything I do, with no constructive criticism for how to do it better.
The only silent treatment I get anymore is from the cat....and as noted before, food usually fixes that.
Finding a partner who allows me to feel just as free as I am now, while being in a relationship. (YES, it DOES exist nyartgal!!!) Many, many more......but the best one?
Feeling alive again. Ahhhh......
Congrats tamara68. Welcome to Opposite Land!
|
|
|
|
Post by Caris on Sept 17, 2016 17:07:57 GMT -5
I'm happy for you Tamara. Sounds like it's all working out for you. The sadness will ease as time passes, and it helps that you have so many activities and friends.
I wish you happiness.
|
|
|
|
Post by tamara68 on Sept 18, 2016 1:45:15 GMT -5
Maybe the best thing about Oppositeland is getting to do things you couldn't do while with your refuser. Or, not having to do things you did have to do with him or her. One thing I'm enjoying is not having to have the TV on all the time. In fact, I hardly watch at all. Yes that is great. I enjoy not having to listen to his choice of music all the time. Walking around the house, doing things without him staring at me, to check what I do and checking if I do things according to his hygiene rules. |
|
|
|
Post by tamara68 on Sept 18, 2016 1:52:10 GMT -5
YAY for freedom, I say! It is covered with sadness for a while - mine was, at least. I have most of those shreds of sadness off of it now, but it did take a while. For me, major milestones were moving out, quitting alcohol, finalizing divorce paperwork (approval by judge), taking back maiden name, finally selling the property. Now - getting over my botched loverman affair is another signpost along my trail (I mean - I think I'm done with that most days, but every once in a while something will blind-side me still - he's harder to get over than the Ex because I was grieving my marriage while in it for the last 3-4 years...and...because LoverMan earned that name with every bit of work you may think that would take). For you though - I am thrilled to hear the coworkers are asking you to join. It's great to have a "community" that you are part of and especially right away. GREAT that you will be able to go to the big company party too - where I've worked before, attending those sort of things actually helps in the career advancement too. This is a great good-news post. The sadness WILL fall away and healing will take place. Mine was in fits & starts, but the overall picture just keeps getting rosier all the time. I have taken back my maiden name too, not used to it yet lol. But it feels good. I can see how every milestone helps moving away from the past and into a healthier future. I am very happy with the community of my colleagues, but it is strange to me to accept help from them. I have been used to doing things on my own for so long. |
|
|
|
Post by tamara68 on Sept 18, 2016 2:01:09 GMT -5
itsjustus thanks! I am glad I arrived here. Not walking on egg shells anymore, that is amazing!
|
|
" look. 
