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Post by wewbwb on Sept 19, 2016 7:57:09 GMT -5
This is unacceptable. I need to look into this. If the forum isn't working for some women, I want to know why, and what can be done to solve this. I feel that this needs to addressed immediately.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2016 8:22:54 GMT -5
This is unacceptable. I need to look into this. If the forum isn't working for some women, I want to know why, and what can be done to solve this. I feel that this needs to addressed immediately. You're a doll, wewbwb. Two of the women, who were here from the beginning of ILIASM, left within days of each other. Both were sweet, positive, confident women. Not good.
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 19, 2016 8:29:26 GMT -5
This is unacceptable. I need to look into this. If the forum isn't working for some women, I want to know why, and what can be done to solve this. I feel that this needs to addressed immediately. You're a doll, wewbwb . Two of the women, who were here from the beginning of ILIASM, left within days of each other. Both were sweet, positive, confident women. Not good. A doll? I don't know about that. All I know is that I'm an equal opportunity pervert.
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Post by itsjustus on Sept 19, 2016 16:16:22 GMT -5
This is unacceptable. I need to look into this. If the forum isn't working for some women, I want to know why, and what can be done to solve this. I feel that this needs to addressed immediately. I agree completely wewbwb . Two very important voices on this forum, voices whose thoughts most definitely were well considered and thoughtful, were lost to us. These were not people (I refuse to use a gender reference....that's the point) who are overly sensitive in anyway, though here, on this forum of all places, that should not be a consideration. People who find their way here are at the end of their rope, beaten and damaged, looking for answers to one of the hardest issues found in life. They have a right to be sensitive. But that was not the case here.... Pm me....we can discuss...
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Post by snowman12345 on Sept 19, 2016 17:05:30 GMT -5
Another thing..... everyone here is not a refused spouse, there are some Refusers here too. This should be a group for ALL people who are not having sex in their marriage....for whatever reasons. I will respectfully disagree with this as the group was established for the refused. If the refusers show up here, they do so at their own butthurting risk.
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Post by snowman12345 on Sept 19, 2016 17:21:43 GMT -5
I no longer feel welcome here, so I'm deleting myself. It hurts me that some new member's right to say hurtful things is more important than long-time members' ability to feel comfortable here by defending themselves, and that that that is the official policy (not how the policy is stated but that's the effect.) This is a real shame. Some one moderated out of the site for expressing their opinion. I am late to this thread as I almost never go outside of humor threads, but I was informed by another member here that they were also leaving and I couldn't for the life of me understand why. Now I see why. I understood this forum to be for all gender identities. But it appears the "He man woman haters club" is slowly taking over. If the moderators' actions is causing members of one gender to leave this site because they feel unwelcome then this is the wrong site for me too. If the mods are "following the policy" then the policy is wrong. Really, the thin skinned can find empathy somewhere else.
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Post by itsjustus on Sept 19, 2016 17:24:35 GMT -5
Another thing..... everyone here is not a refused spouse, there are some Refusers here too. This should be a group for ALL people who are not having sex in their marriage....for whatever reasons. I will respectfully disagree with this as the group was established for the refused. If the refusers show up here, they do so at their own butthurting risk. snowman12345, I respectfully disagree. (this is almost worthy of another thread...) I Live In A Sexless Marriage...is the condition for the establishment of this group, or at least it was on EP. I would assume the same here. That would include refused and refuser alike. Though rare, there were quite a few refuser's on EP, and they had a lot to contribute to the dynamic and discussion. A peek at the "other side" if you will, for the refused. They came to see how to cope with ILIASM, even though they loved their SO, and most learned the same lesson's we refused learn here. No matter what side of the coin, one person is calling the lowest point in the relationship. You can't change the other, so.....change yourself (accept it)...or change the relationship (read leave it) The main lesson...communicate with your SO, and decide. As Baza noted, SM shithole is a SM shithole. Who is who is immaterial. If you love the other, change. One way or the other. I've learned a lot from the refusers AND refused. That's just my thoughts, for what it's worth.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2016 17:25:59 GMT -5
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Post by snowman12345 on Sept 19, 2016 19:46:17 GMT -5
I will respectfully disagree with this as the group was established for the refused. If the refusers show up here, they do so at their own butthurting risk. snowman12345, I respectfully disagree. (this is almost worthy of another thread...) I Live In A Sexless Marriage...is the condition for the establishment of this group, or at least it was on EP. I would assume the same here. That would include refused and refuser alike. Though rare, there were quite a few refuser's on EP, and they had a lot to contribute to the dynamic and discussion. A peek at the "other side" if you will, for the refused. They came to see how to cope with ILIASM, even though they loved their SO, and most learned the same lesson's we refused learn here. No matter what side of the coin, one person is calling the lowest point in the relationship. You can't change the other, so.....change yourself (accept it)...or change the relationship (read leave it) The main lesson...communicate with your SO, and decide. As Baza noted, SM shithole is a SM shithole. Who is who is immaterial. If you love the other, change. One way or the other. I've learned a lot from the refusers AND refused. That's just my thoughts, for what it's worth.
Thanks for the civil discourse! I do see your point, I can also see refusers coming here because they want to further manipulate their partners. If they are here in an effort to save their relationship then by all means, welcome them.
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Post by snowman12345 on Sept 19, 2016 19:49:58 GMT -5
I love when you talk about benefits, when do I get to interview?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2016 19:53:20 GMT -5
I love when you talk about benefits, when do I get to interview? ASAP, honey. You've got my email address.
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Post by Admin on Sept 19, 2016 21:17:17 GMT -5
Some one moderated out of the site for expressing their opinion. No posts were deleted. No posts were edited. No one was scolded by the Admin or the mods for anything they said. Some folks perceived a three-day temporary lock on a thread as a scold. It was not. I'm very sorry for the misunderstanding (devastated, in fact) but its as if the site is unraveling over the fact that there was a 72 hour period when ONE thread was locked, pending a brief discussion by the moderators, which resulted in NO ACTION other than reopening the closed thread. I'm beyond flummoxed. I can't figure out how to stop the hemorrhaging.
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Post by JMX on Sept 19, 2016 21:26:31 GMT -5
I no longer feel welcome here, so I'm deleting myself. It hurts me that some new member's right to say hurtful things is more important than long-time members' ability to feel comfortable here by defending themselves, and that that that is the official policy (not how the policy is stated but that's the effect.) This is a real shame. Some one moderated out of the site for expressing their opinion. I am late to this thread as I almost never go outside of humor threads, but I was informed by another member here that they were also leaving and I couldn't for the life of me understand why. Now I see why. I understood this forum to be for all gender identities. But it appears the "He man woman haters club" is slowly taking over. If the moderators' actions is causing members of one gender to leave this site because they feel unwelcome then this is the wrong site for me too. If the mods are "following the policy" then the policy is wrong. Really, the thin skinned can find empathy somewhere else.
I am super curious who is part of the he-man woman-haters club? That is not what happened! Please see the admin's explanation on all threads as well as the mods' explanations. Sincerely, this IS now getting ridiculous. This was a misunderstanding by humans who VOLUNTEER their time to make this site run as well as membership misunderstandings.
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Post by jim44444 on Sept 20, 2016 11:33:35 GMT -5
I am super curious who is part of the he-man woman-haters club? That is not what happened! Please see the admin's explanation on all threads as well as the mods' explanations. Sincerely, this IS now getting ridiculous. This was a misunderstanding by humans who VOLUNTEER their time to make this site run as well as membership misunderstandings. Thank you JMX, I thought I was being my normally dense self. I read the remarks here, the original thread and Z's recent thread and I must admit that I do not see what others saw. Nor do I percieve the actions of the moderators as anything but supportive of this site. I am sorry that HelenT and @mountainrunner have left the forum but maybe they were no longer getting what they needed from here. If their lives have evolved past needing our support then I am happy for them. If nothing else this discussion highlights that we are all unique individuals who see things in our own way. I myself am pretty thick skinned and thick headed, not much upsets me until someone attacks my friend or loved one. Then I become a major asshole.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2016 11:57:16 GMT -5
JMX said: "I am super curious who is part of the he-man woman-haters club? That is not what happened! Please see the admin's explanation on all threads as well as the mods' explanations. Sincerely, this IS now getting ridiculous. This was a misunderstanding by humans who VOLUNTEER their time to make this site run as well as membership misunderstandings." I agree. The way I understood the mods' advice, there was a paragraph suggesting that those who make remarks should try to avoid generalizations (i.e., say "women I've met," not "women over 50.") IOW, encouraging people to think before saying something that might be offensive. Personally, when somebody clueless mansplains to me, I usually don't even waste my time answering idiots. But that's me. Those who want to educate mansplainers should certainly feel free to do so. As long as the discussion does not sink to personal attacks or threats, probably the mods should not intervene.
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