SM support group

GC, I hate to get all "Christian" on you, but I'm not sure you want to shame your wife for that or anything else within the context of a small group.  The intent of these groups is safe and secure spiritual intimacy.  I'm not surprised your wife has dropped out of the group.

I'm of the opinion now -- based on what I believe is a bunch of wise counsel -- that once the SM stuff has been hashed out to completion it should be dropped completely in the interest of allowing other areas of personal growth and relationship to occur.  And I KNOW these things can be hashed out to completion.  Once civil communication has ended -- and eventually it always ends -- your done.  They'll let you know if there's something else to discuss.

One of the other rules that follows along these same lines is never mentioning sexlessness in the bedroom.  If sexlessness is ever going to be resolved, you don't want the former refuser to have an aversion to the bedroom based on prior strife that occurred there.  Similarly, you don't want her having an aversion to church, your friends, HER friends, etc.  

Based on this, I think the best places for SM conversations -- if you insist on having them -- is the basement, garage, or kitchen.  Definitely not on vacations, in bedrooms, or anywhere she doesn't have to be or where you want her to be.  

I don't know if you have or like dogs.  But you can learn a LOT about proper behavior modification from seriously training dogs.  You have to be very careful not to make them averse to doing the right thing while preventing them from doing the wrong thing.  And done properly, they LOVE the training and the fun of being a good dog!!!