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Post by tamara68 on Aug 26, 2016 15:42:08 GMT -5
Today I moved out. Found an apartment, got the key early this week and today I have dropped the bomb. Collected most of my personal stuff and left with a taxi.
Stbx threatened me as expected. First he wouldn't let me get my things. I managed to stay calm and said that he either let me get my stuff or I would have to call the police. Eventually he decided I could go on - under constant saying how bad I was. My handbag was ungarded a few moments. He has taken the bank pass from our mutual account. I also had a voicerecorder with me but he found that too. So that one is missing also. I am alone now. Not feeling any relief yet. He is going to make everything as difficult as possible. For himself and our daughter just as well.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2016 15:58:54 GMT -5
Today I moved out. Found an apartment, got the key early this week and today I have dropped the bomb. Collected most of my personal stuff and left with a taxi. Stbx threatened me as expected. First he wouldn't let me get my things. I managed to stay calm and said that he either let me get my stuff or I would have to call the police. Eventually he decided I could go on - under constant saying how bad I was. My handbag was ungarded a few moments. He has taken the bank pass from our mutual account. I also had a voicerecorder with me but he found that too. So that one is missing also. I am alone now. Not feeling any relief yet. He is going to make everything as difficult as possible. For himself and our daughter just as well. Way to go. You're not letting some punk ass bully push you around. He will probably punish you for this though, you're right. Do you have a way to for example keep him from just showing up at your apartment? Some jurisdictions have laws where a separated couple can't go to each other's residence without permission. |
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Post by misssunnybunny on Aug 26, 2016 16:04:04 GMT -5
Oh, wow, good for you! So happy you have found a place for yourself, but so sorry that he is being such a jerk about the whole thing. I agree with phin that you need to be sure to be safe, see if there is a way to protect yourself from unwanted/unannounced visits from him. Also, protect yourself financially; see about having the bank replace your card, and talk with a lawyer for help managing the finances (don't know if there are laws there like here that restrict what can be done with assets during a divorce).
It is going to be difficult, pulling of you and sending positive energy your way!
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 26, 2016 16:14:26 GMT -5
Very pleased with the way you handled it! You are weakening his grip and he knows it, so glad your daughter is with you. I pray you two can do some bonding!
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Post by csl on Aug 26, 2016 16:25:33 GMT -5
Just me, but calling the police over the stolen items is not a go?
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Post by tamara68 on Aug 26, 2016 16:32:20 GMT -5
My daughter is not with me unfortunately. I maged to speak with her alone first. Made sure she knows she is always welcome with me. I followed my lawyers advice to not put pressure on her. I told her I hope she will be with me as much as possible but it is up to her. And also gave her information where she can get help. And at any moment she only needs to call and I come to her.
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 26, 2016 16:34:12 GMT -5
So glad for you!! I wish you peace and happiness.
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 26, 2016 16:47:08 GMT -5
Good for you, tamara68! I hope you were able to take legal steps prior, to keep him from moving/ hiding assets. The fact that he feels the right to search your handbag (again!) and take items really, really pisses me off. I would see if legal action is possible, on principle alone. Given what you've shared, I have little doubt this small-minded man will listen to your entire recorder and then write you an opinion letter on each segment. Thank goodness you've finally made the break from that abuse. One can only hope that your daughter will see the light and choose to spend most of her one with you. He definitely sounds like one who would try to poison her mind against you. Best wishes for your journey. Please do keep us updated as you go. Hugs, DC |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2016 16:55:53 GMT -5
Oh, wow, good for you! So happy you have found a place for yourself, but so sorry that he is being such a jerk about the whole thing. I agree with phin that you need to be sure to be safe, see if there is a way to protect yourself from unwanted/unannounced visits from him. Also, protect yourself financially; see about having the bank replace your card, and talk with a lawyer for help managing the finances (don't know if there are laws there like here that restrict what can be done with assets during a divorce). It is going to be difficult, pulling of you and sending positive energy your way! Yeah this is the potential problem regarding the finances, nothing has been filed for divorce. Do any restrictions apply just because you moved out? Are you legally separated now? Even if you are does that preclude him from emptying the account? A talk with a lawyer is in order if you haven't yet. |
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Post by baza on Aug 26, 2016 17:06:57 GMT -5
Presumably, everything you have done here was on the advice of your lawyer Sister tamara.
What's s/he suggesting next ?
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Post by nyartgal on Aug 26, 2016 17:20:06 GMT -5
That is fantastic news! I am so proud of you. It's great that you have a lawyer and I assume that it's on his or her advice and that you have also taken whatever precautions you can to protect yourself physically and financially. I'm sorry you couldn't take your daughter too but hopefully she will come and join you soon. What you've done is very brave. Stay strong!!
Did you ever find a support group or services in Belgium?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2016 19:22:21 GMT -5
Oh wow! I know this was such a hard step to take - you have so much courage! My thoughts are with you and your daughter.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 26, 2016 21:22:41 GMT -5
Hopefully there will be justice against his behavior. Taking our bank pass? If you show up at the banks doors first thing tomorrow, can you get most of that money transferred?
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Post by itsjustus on Aug 26, 2016 22:19:05 GMT -5
tamara68, My heart is with you as you go thru this. While I'm happy for you, proud of you, I remember the feelings that came with making this hardest step towards freedom. You our say you aren't feeling any relief yet. I remember that. I remember sitting in a hotel, by myself hours later, waiting for that huge sense of relief, having been told by my fellow EP people that it was a wonderful thing! I had to look for it...I had to search for it. it it was there, a sense of it, just buried under the emotions, the worry, the fear. A relief that it was finally....finally....done. The next morning is when it really hit. A huge sense of relief. A new day. I was out! It's was no longer mine to own! That's what I wish for you. Look deep. It will be there... It will grow. Everyday. I'm thinking of you..wishing you the best. Congratulations.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Aug 26, 2016 23:03:41 GMT -5
Tamara - so glad to hear that you were able to take this step. It's scary to read how he treats you like a thing, a possession, a bad dog. Frightening to know he has time with your daughter and I'm frightened for her trying to "appease him" while maintaining her own mind and inner strength and kindness. But trust & believe - good wins. It must.
You are doing the right thing, the healthy thing, the only "long-term good" thing. You will come through this - strong & freed from him.
I hope all of the steps were done with legal advice (and lawyer guidance on what may or may not be done with that bank account).
Please keep us posted. I agree with itsjustus that the feeling of relief needs a little time to grow a bit - but it will be bloom sooner or later. Keep cultivating your independence. Learn to ask for help from people you can trust. Many people will help out if asked. Most people are not like our refusers - that is, MOST people actually do have empathy for others and want to assist in what ways they can.
I wish you all the peace of mind that you deserve and that you need to help the healing from this abusive experience.
Your courage is really striking!
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