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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 18, 2016 10:22:05 GMT -5
The attorney has been hired, the money has been moved. Her papers will be served tomorrow. I took her to a public place for a short announcement. I transferred half the money. I have retained an attorney. I am ending our marriage.
The response was what I expected. Okay, okay, okay. I asked her " any thoughts about,how do you want to tell the children?" She said ,"no not really". I said, " how about tonight, they will al be home, we can sit around the kitchen table, tell them all at once. Then ask them if they want to talk to us separately?" She said fine. I told her that I already told her father and no one else.
telling the children went very quickly. They sat there and said nothing. There were no questions. My 13 yr old had some tears she was holding back, and my second oldest looked very sad. My wife did tell them that this was not there fault in any way.
Back to my wife's reaction. No questions about why, or what made me decide, or what my plans are, none of that. Instead her only thoughts were about the money. How much I moved, and was I going to move the rest of it! I told her I did what my attorney asked me to and what the folks at Charles Schwab said I could do. I said, " I moved half of it, that's all." She went onto say that I could continue to take out more and more of it, it's a joint account.
Once we got home she did not go to her father, instead she went straight to her laptop and started moving money. I told my attorney this moments ago. Her response was, " it sounds like it could get ugly".
Thanks for the congratulations, it is a big step. However, I feel a gloomy depression, of sorrow and guilt for what all nine of us will go through.
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 18, 2016 10:49:51 GMT -5
Well, GC, it's been a long time in coming, and she apparently started exploring divorce before you did. No surprise that she's not shocked. Of course, very telling that her main interest was the money (as if you wouldn't have already taken more if you intended to).
You know you'll have the emotional support of the folks here. Keep us updated, and feel free to vent.
DC
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Post by misssunnybunny on Aug 18, 2016 11:32:39 GMT -5
GC, On one hand, I am glad the conversations seemed to go well when breaking the news to your wife and kids. I am sure once the kids digest the news, they may have more questions. Check on them, but don't push the issue, they will talk if/when they are ready. On the other, it hurts to see that her first instinct was to go home and worry about the money. I had a similar experience; he became so worried about money and who got what, a very sudden switch from his begging and pleading to work on things and try to get me to stay.
It may be a battle going through he divorce proceedings, and I really hope it doesn't turn ugly for you. She may or may not have talked with a lawyer in the past, but hopefully once she does things will proceed without too many surprises for you.
As much as it will be better (eventually) once you are divorced, my heart breaks for you knowing the process and how difficult it is on many levels. Reiterating what DC said, use us here for support, venting, and keep us updated on your progress. Best to you.
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 18, 2016 13:32:09 GMT -5
Congrats!! It's a big step but it will all work out for the best.
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Post by smilin61 on Aug 18, 2016 16:42:27 GMT -5
Sending big hugs and wishing there was a way to send the emotional strength we all need during times like this. ( And wouldn't it be great if each time we passed it along to the next person in need, it retained their strengths and became the biggest ball of supportloveandwarmfuzzyfeelings in the universe!)
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 18, 2016 18:25:45 GMT -5
Well, GC, it's been a long time in coming, and she apparently started exploring divorce before you did. No surprise that she's not shocked. Of course, very telling that her main interest was the money (as if you wouldn't have already taken more if you intended to). You know you'll have the emotional support of the folks here. Keep us updated, and feel free to vent. DC The more she wants to keep money from my control and have total control, the more the attorney is interested in using their power to justify things in the end. |
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Post by unmatched on Aug 18, 2016 18:28:52 GMT -5
Well done. You have both known this was coming for a while, and the tone of the conversation tells you it was right. Probably for both of you. I hope it all goes as smoothly for you as it can.
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Post by nyartgal on Aug 18, 2016 19:44:28 GMT -5
CONGRATULATIONS!!! Great work. And her reaction lets you know, as if there were any doubt, that you did the right thing.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 18, 2016 19:57:25 GMT -5
CONGRATULATIONS!!! Great work. And her reaction lets you know, as if there were any doubt, that you did the right thing. Yes I did the right thing. At the end of our conversation about her moving thousands of dollars without my knowledge, I mentioned that I bought myself a shirt when I was buying back to school clothes for one of our boys. Her response, " seems you have a couple of new shirts in your closet?" I told her proudly " yes I do, three sleeveless T shirts for the gym", ($7.00 a piece at Ross) the rest of my closet is full of hand me downs from thrift stores and shirts that I have worn for twenty years. This. From a woman who was going to spend $ 20k to $35k on a trip to China for the children! I will not miss being under her thumb. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 18, 2016 21:14:09 GMT -5
Sending big hugs and wishing there was a way to send the emotional strength we all need during times like this. ( And wouldn't it be great if each time we passed it along to the next person in need, it retained their strengths and became the biggest ball of supportloveandwarmfuzzyfeelings in the universe!) Thank you! Words mean things! I feel the warmth through the screen! ( not to mention where my Ipad is positioned as I type on it!) The strength of acceptance gives me comfort, that will be with me as I sleep tonight! |
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Post by baza on Aug 18, 2016 21:39:23 GMT -5
As near as I recall, you are the first person out of this group (established in April) to go from "thinking about it" to "doing it".
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So your contemporaries will be watching your process real closely I reckon.
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It is going to be a tumultuous period for you Brother GC, but whatever you can contribute to this group over the period will be shining a light for your peers, so I hope you can update from time to time.
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Well done on "choosing" rather than "floating".
It's going to be short term pain, for long term gain.
But nothing you can't handle.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 23:34:51 GMT -5
Congratulations on taking that big step from wishing to doing. From her non reactions and the rest of your back story, it sounds like she has her own plan in place already. Now we'll see what she has up her sleeve.
This can be very messy ugly rough stuff. Hopefully it won't have to be but brace yourself.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 19, 2016 8:01:49 GMT -5
As near as I recall, you are the first person out of this group (established in April) to go from "thinking about it" to "doing it". - So your contemporaries will be watching your process real closely I reckon. - It is going to be a tumultuous period for you Brother GC, but whatever you can contribute to this group over the period will be shining a light for your peers, so I hope you can update from time to time. - Well done on "choosing" rather than "floating". It's going to be short term pain, for long term gain. But nothing you can't handle. Yes I think I am the first male to get divorced since I came on the scene 9 mo. Ago. You were a big help to me back then too! i would like to spew every tiny little detail as it occurs. Two thoughts about that. Others can relate, and little things can open discussion to bigger things. Or it's terribly boring stuff! And I would sound very whimsy. an example; day two, my STBX, took a shower this morning and came out of the bathroom fully dressed. These past two years of detachment from her, ( and me to her) I don't even look up at her, I go into the bathroom, I keep my head down reading my emails, and she gets half dressed in the closet. My guess? She didn't even notice that I don't notice her anymore, so what makes her think now is any different? |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 19, 2016 8:26:40 GMT -5
Congratulations on taking that big step from wishing to doing. From her non reactions and the rest of your back story, it sounds like she has her own plan in place already. Now we'll see what she has up her sleeve. This can be very messy ugly rough stuff. Hopefully it won't have to be but brace yourself. Thank you very much! An ace up my sleeve, and part of my final conclusion towards this action, was timing. Much if not all of her response, is going to affect the children more than me. Compared to trying to wait 5 years till the last one is 19. I know my lifestyle will not remain the same. However I have been advised by several attorneys, that I have given her 24 yrs to excel at her career, while maintaining a household and raising six kids for 18 yrs now. ( not to mention I have cooked about 3000 meals for her father). That leaves me going into the workforce with a minimum wage status. Which I will gladly do once things are settled. i have an ex neighbor who is 60 yrs old. He to was a stay at home dad. Both kids are in college, his ex wife is a doctor. After the divorce, he bought a town house a few blocks from us,( closer to the beach) and is receiving alimony for life. My situation sounds similar. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2016 8:38:17 GMT -5
Congratulations on moving from "W" to "STBX"! Hold onto your hat, it's probably going to be a bumpy ride. Your STBX reminds me a lot of mine - similar types of control issues, especially around money. Please, please, please listen to your attorney! Most of my mistakes during my divorce came from trying to be 'nice" and "cooperative." Just listen to your attorney and follow their advice - you'll save yourself a lot of grief.
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